"A man who harassed my 13-year-old daughter in front of my face" was a letter from a mother to the public, why is sexual harassment often a woman's fault ? How do we think about the issue of sexual harassment with our children? And how do you communicate with your body? Can we stop the guilt of our bodies from the malicious comments of others? Take a look at her letter together. (Recommended reading: Eight things that must be discussed in the Chen Weiting attack )
A few weeks ago, I went to the National Theatre Hall on the South Bank of London with my 13-year-old daughter to see Jane Eyre, it was a beautiful night, and we caught the subway and chatted about how the spirit of Jane Eyre moved us tonight, in a time when women were always being asked to conform to conservative norms, and Jane loved with free will and ability to prove that women have the right to choose for themselves.
It was already late, and my daughter was seated on the right hand side of my position, just a few steps away, a man of about 30 years old was first in the car, then loudly announced: "I want to sit opposite this girl," and motioned to the man sitting on the seat hurriedly, he talked about my daughter.
Daughter's body toward me, she took my hand, palms braved the sweat, dare not believe the man so talk and die staring at her. I said to the man: "I have a place next to me, if you want to sit," the man sat down and went straight over me and said to my daughter, "What's your name?" "My daughter didn't answer," he continued, "You are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful."
I was not so happy, I told him directly that my daughter didn't want to talk to him and wanted him to stop. And the whole carriage was dead, and no one said anything for us, or arose to assist us.
This is the first time I've seen her sexually harassed in my daughter's side. I have deep feelings of guilt, I do not know whether the past daughter has also encountered such harassment, she will not be afraid? How would she react? I even flashed a memory in my mind that my daughter was out at night, wearing a short skirt to show her young legs, and as a mother, should I persuade him to put on a pair of trousers or a long dress? I have a strong sense of guilt and shame in my heart, and I am not even the main target of sexual harassment. My daughter Labradors my skirts and asked me, "Can we get off early and walk home?" 」
We didn't get off early, but we adjusted the way we sat and talked carefully. I began to realize that after the sexual harassment, we always started to review our own choices before reviewing each other. We flashed the idea of "women should pay attention to her dress and demeanor" or "adjust the schedule (as we would think we should get out of the car and walk Home)" again and again put the pressure back on ourselves.
This is the content of the British Guardian, a columnist for the Goodman, when her daughter suddenly became an object of sexual harassment, and all her childhood memories came along.
We think of the first time there is a strange language with evil seduced said "Hello beautiful" cramped, for the first time, because someone deliberately leaned too close to the heart of the unease, the first time we doubt whether we have done something wrong guilt, so the years ahead of feminist day Zhang, sexual harassment has hereditary down, become every girl woman may experience the wound. (Recommended reading: "public" spaces that do not belong to women: ubiquitous sexual harassment)
How do we look at the issue of "sexual harassment" in the first part of youth?
"I want to tell my daughter not to be intimidated by other people's sexual harassment, and if she feels uncomfortable, she can rationally ask her to stop, or move away from her seat to someone who might make her feel better." And in retrospect, I was not even sure that I was as brave as I was when I was young. "--liz Goodman
Youth may be the skirts of the young, bare back bladder, quietly uplifted chest, we understand the body to go to the mature hub, people began to watch and wanton comments, we witnessed those eyes, when the language of harassment, we were educated to re-examine their bodies, we can not help but think we are wrong?
How we look at the issue of sexual harassment is actually how we treat our bodies.
Let us say to ourselves, and to the children of the future, "the dress is short and beautiful" is not enough to constitute anyone to harass you, we do not need to be in the eyes of others to review ourselves, we should not be afraid of their own body or shame, and we should also believe that there are more men in the world to treat you with respect. (Recommended to you: The dress is so short that no one "should" be violated .
This is a personal problem and a social problem. The indifference of society and the first reaction of "reviewing women" has made many men feel that their actions are harmless, that they can escape easily, and that they do not have to be held responsible for their reckless actions. Even most of the time, when women protest against the reactionary, often will be put on a fuss of the label, men feel that they are clearly praised, how women feel that this is sexual harassment?
I'm beautiful, and I know: the line between praise and sexual harassment
"Over the years, I've rarely been harassed. I'm a middle-aged woman with grey hair, and people are fading into me, and I feel like I've been secretly expecting someone to whistle at me once in a while, and I think I'm still hungry. And my daughter was just about to walk into this cycle. 」
Liz Goodman's words were honest, the line between praise and sexual harassment is always vague, and when you are watched or whistled, you may feel guilt or fear in your heart, perhaps with a recognized marvelous feeling, and we can know that "I am a man of desire" and I am beautiful. (Recommended reading: confused and disturbed by you: intimate exchange with strangers)
But perhaps, compared to other people's vision, we can do to recognize their own body, without letting others hasty watching and decision, the overall determination of the way we treat the body. Can it be, I'm beautiful, and I know?
Talking about the topic of "sexual harassment", it is not about the Franco or the xiangjingrubin between men and women, but about the right of any sex to assume that she has a discretionary comment and not to be responsible, and that if any sex feels "uncomfortable", he should have the right to refuse and defend his or her body.
So we no longer need to take the body strange guilt forward, no longer should be for the workplace male boss that "buttocks good" and deeply troubled, we no longer should be for the bus or on the MRT on the double quietly put on your waist of the hands overwhelmed, we to the latent "sexual harassment" or " Rape "cultural protest, because my body is the only one I have the most qualified to comment on. (same field Gayon: your beauty is the Boss!) Hands up, woman's armpit photo set )
Like Jane Eyre, "I am not a bird, no one can imprison me, I am a person, with free will", I and my body are free.