In a heterosexual world, our expectations of gender roles are not limited to the image of our appearance, but may even limit the way we communicate our inner feelings. Traditionally, our expectation for boys is that they will be mature, rational, and unable to show their inner negative emotions , such as anxiety or sadness. These expectations may make them gradually forget how to communicate with others in a sincere way. (same field Gayon: to master their own emotions to easily teach children high EQ)
My mother is a traditional mother.
He is almost indulgent with my teachings, and she doesn't care much about the little details of my life, she doesn't look like some mom would attend a child's school parent day.
She was so busy supporting her family that she could not diligently diligently diligently, like other parents, holding a book of childcare, as the book guidelines carefully concerned about each child's growth experience. (Extended reading:"PEI Pregnant parenting Happy Sutra" Parenting Rush)
My mother is more concerned about whether her children are on a "normal" track, and that she is content to do so as long as it does not displace most of the normal growth of life in Taiwan.
Her requirements and ideas for children are based on the imagination of most parents or families in Taiwan: normal schooling, to a certain age, there is a stable work, marriage and children, in order to follow. My mother let me grow up in such an environment, I am very grateful, I am not a person who likes to give too many demands, can grow up so freely so that I am very happy.
But as a boy, my mother is also using secular vision and standards in the education of her children. She doesn't allow her boys to cry. Even once in a while, have to be sober, calm, have a shoulder, ask her child to learn all the basic life skills, such as driving, electric fan, pay bills and so on, only because "you are a boy, later is to take care of a family" that kind of reason. (Recommended reading: feminine "two boys"?) Why do we expect boys to look like boys?
I found that the invisible, the environment to girls know how thoughtful, considerate, learn to take care of the people next to them, so girls know more about soft words, communicate with people, this is the society of their expectations, they want to know how to laugh to know how to cry, Emotional freedom, others will not big interference. It seems to be so.
Boys are different, society wants them to know not to laugh to know not to cry, I remember the time when I saw the TV variety show funny bridge section, laughing aloud, my grandfather stopped me, said that the boys can not laugh, as my mother had stopped me said that boys can not cry, even for the parting from such a big event, Or the little things that make people sentimental.
As if the boys are brave to express their ideas and unpleasant, other feelings can not be my feelings, I live in the family to the gender expectations, lose a part of their own, can not be complete.
Under the patriarchal framework, the society requires that boys should follow their male image, whether physiologically or emotionally.
The boy under the patriarchal frame seems to be unable to express his feelings too much, only to point to. All too much disclosure makes me feel embarrassed and embarrassed, the longer the bigger, I feel with the mother's feelings become alienated, I became not good at expressing their feelings to the family, for the mother's concern, can only express in a very superficial daily questioning, such as "have no eat","remember to sleep early", can not go into a deeper heart. (Same field Gayon: The dispute between the newly-married daughter and mother: the expression of love is the first step of communication )
I have tried to express, but often feel very "strange", as if there is a microcosm of a large society around the view, so that I can not vicinity, after I can only regret that I do not speak the heart of the words.
Social expectations of boys, let them gradually do not know with their closest to the people to express their inner voice. As if opening is cowardice?
I have not been as young as the heart of my mother to chat, I miss that opening is Love my mother Love my father's own, flutter to the sofa on their cheeks a loud kiss, how natural emotion.
On the eve of Mother's Day, I think of these and try to say the deep concern I haven't mentioned in years. Perhaps my mother never wanted the gift and cake celebration, but the family's deepest words and care, let her know that in fact she has been in the heart of her son, but he was ashamed to mention. (Recommended reading: How to maintain emotional health: make communication more meaningful interpersonal testing method )