In the great era of " her story " series lectures, Raipexia in different ways to interpret " love " with readers with a more calm, more tactful heart to face the emotional quarrel. Whether or not you are there to experience the journey of the mind, the woman fans editor still very recommend this trip. (Recommended reading: Calm upbringing, first-class children: Spiritual growth is more important than pre-school education )
Raipexia, who grew up in an incomplete family, clashed with her mother from childhood, and after setting up his own family, went through a painful marriage. After experiencing so much of the pain of life, he devoted himself to the study of the heart, while learning to heal himself, and after the study, through words and speeches, to heal more needy people.
It's also a kind of love to shut up when arguing.
I know very well that I can't even love this thing when I get angry. When I was angry with my husband, when I was angry with my children, there was no love. The mouth of the quarrel when the love, completely just curse use, or to make the other party feel guilty, or want to force him, manipulate him. So I would say, "I scold you because I love you". But in fact when I was big, it was fire, and in that moment there was no love. When do you have love when you quarrel? It's time to shut up.
Because when we fire big, speak out words are not good to hear. So I am deeply aware that when I am angry that there is no love, there may be jealousy, separation of heart, debate, not admit defeat included in the anger inside. Frankly speaking, I may have a lot of emotions at the same time, but at that moment, I really don't have love. Because my heart is tense, that does not call love.
But if, when I fire, I shut up, I go to meditation, let their emotions turn good, heart soft, and then to speak to each other, I may touch the side of love.
When I am very real in the face of their emotions, need some courage, also need some quality, need meditation. (Recommended reading: give yourself three seconds before you get angry and practise "don't criticize" learning )
Understand the problem to solve the problem
"Home" this book, in fact, is to let all the friends know: if we have a bad relationship with our parents, or our father, mother, to rebuild a good intimate relationship, it will be more difficult, because we have no role model.
So we need a very strong intention to change. What is to be changed? is our belief. In the intimate relationship between our parents, we will see some beliefs, for example: I scold you because I love you. If the show of love between our parents is in this rather strong, negative way, it is possible that we will replicate this strong way into our intimate relationships.
I really see a lot of people suffer for their parents ' quarrel, how many people because they can't change the intimate relationship between their parents, they want to say: "I want to run away, I want to create their own intimate relationship." "We didn't realize that we created another intimate relationship that was exactly the same as our native family."
So to have good intimacy, we need to go back and look at our native system, what kind of system is it? Whether it comes from a sweet honey system, a rattling system, or a system that wakes up at the end of a bed. Instead of criticizing, we know what our faith in intimacy is like. (Recommended reading: The world does not have a lifetime of love, nor the perfect intimate relationship )
Not to turn the old account, but also to each other under the steps
First, when you are not happy, tell each other directly, but remember: can not turn the old account. Because when we start to turn over other things out loud, the original focus will be forgotten. Don't say much nonsense, this is a powerful way.
Second, when a party begins to look good and start looking for steps to each other, hurry up. Unless you really want to break up, or to the end of the good, so do not freeze there, for two people are not good. Then there is a very important point is that after the steps to give each other a good appreciation, because this is a virtue.
If the other person apologizes to you, you must accept it immediately and let him know it is a good behavior. Don't be sorry, you're not going to accept it--the result is, next time he won't apologize to you, will he? Because it's not funny to apologize to you.
It is a very difficult thing for most people to be willing to apologize and to show this thing. So when a party is willing to do so, you must give him the highest degree of appreciation, this will create a happy, exciting life.