Gender observation on Japan's "after the death of divorce," The sentence "life is my daughter-in-law, death is my home ghost" is terrible, because it embodies the exaggerated of the mother and wife.
Turn on the television, see TV station Balabala said, Japan recently prevailed "marriage relations end", meaning that through the application of divorce after death, termination of civil law and the kinship of the in-laws, no need to meet the "obligation" of the in-laws.
(Photo source: NHK News screen screenshot)
Television station visited a few Japanese women, they face mosaic, tone relieved, sighed a few long gas, so said, "It is too good, finally can take a breath, we can be free." "A few Japanese elders heard the news and angrily said," are married people, so ladder, it is too narrow-minded. 」
Marriage, not only with a partner to establish an intimate relationship between the paper contract, but also the original family and the marriage of the family for many years of running-in, from a cut to a whole families, all the obligations and responsibilities have climbed up, we temporarily forgot to ask, who is carrying?
What is the experience of divorce after death? What are the needs behind the scenes and what are the structural problems?
I used to hold my hand and never want to grow up with my son
First of all, we have to ask, after the death of divorce, is the hand of the son, and the son of the fable dashed?
Hold the hand of the son, and the son to listen to the romantic, basically also embodies the contract of marriage norms, we promise to care for each other, years passed also never abandon. The term "eternal", in addition to the romantic love reading, actually constrains more obligations.
For example, what is the limit of not abandoning? What is the scope of care for each other? We also have to ask, at this moment of love, can continue to how far the future?
According to the official statistics of Japan, in recent years the choice of "divorce after death," the rapid increase in women. 2010 less than 2000, to 2015 has been almost 3,000 pieces. The discussion of "divorce after Death" is hot in Japan, with lawyers offering lectures, television aggressively and special books to discuss.
Although Japan's law does not stipulate the "divorce after Death" system, but according to the Japanese Civil Code No. 728 2nd, the spouse, once the death, can propose the end of the marriage relationship of the application-the end of the relationship between the in-laws, the link with the husband, and still retain the right to inherit the afterlife.
In Japan, a family tomb is unspoken rules tacit understanding, once a daughter-in-law secretly save for their own tomb, in order to die do not want to continue to sleep; today there is "divorce after death," the prevailing trend, farewell to affinity, restore the original family surname, they want to restart their second life.
I have held hands, do not want to grow up with the son.
Divorce after death is not a matter of life and death, allowing intimacy to flow. Let's continue to ask a question, why are all the women who filed for divorce after death? Why have women who have filed for divorce in recent years doubled their growth? What kind of clues can we see from it?
Exaggerated's wife: Life is my daughter-in-law, death is my family ghost
"My husband cheated on me, I washed his underwear at home, and I had to bear the blame and recites of my in-laws," because you didn't work hard enough to make my son cheat.
"After the husband left, in addition to care for in-laws, but also to support the small uncle sister-in-law, I unconsciously, forced to do all the mother ..."
People's wives have their own, VCDs "Day Yan", there is such a classic line: "Marriage is to lose enthusiasm to exchange for stability, after three years, the husband will only treat his wife as a refrigerator." If you open it, you will eat it, but you will not repair it if it is broken. 」
VCDs "Day Yan"
After marriage, before becoming a mother, the status of a wife was first received. In the past, we talked about the shackles of the mother, the invisible cost of emotional labor, talking about the demands of unpaid labor, the wife is also a lot of oppression, "marry" a word, a enter, it implies the movement of female main position, after marriage, you are "his" wife, is also "family" daughter-in-law.
Women's labor service, is to raise the housework, is the care of the baby, is regularly sweeping the graves of the family, but also for the husband filial piety parents. Women's labor, not only in the family, but also reflected in the family. The mother to "maternal love" praised exaggerated, the wife of "unfilial" threat to the woman's neck, women in the family to obtain the way to be recognized, so very paradoxical, is through uninterrupted labor service output and emotional labor. (same field Gayon: gender observation: First lady and unpaid wife, who will pay for my emotional labor?) )
Therefore, the older generation of the population in this is frightening, life is my daughter-in-law, death is my home ghost. Dear daughter-in-law, you are born of Labor is a family, after death is a family, only to be allowed into the same grave.
So, the husband died, women also want, I don't want to be your wife, I do not do the whole family daughter-in-law, I do not continue to endure such a one-way overdraft relationship. "After the death of divorce," the heat of the noun, behind is a woman who has already exhausted, to pay for the life of others to draw a period.
Take care of all the timeline, women to work hard to when?
From another angle, divorce is to give new nutrients to the relationship that has died, and to grow the next relationship possible. After the death of divorce, is a woman to their own life of the new imagination, and finally one day, she is their first order, she should give priority to their own thinking.
So we have to revisit and examine the question of "taking care of everything ". Take care of everything has its time, the process is so dynamic, sometimes we feel like a duck, sometimes we live in a fight, sometimes we have nothing, sometimes we are rich, sometimes we sprint, sometimes we slow down.
Take care of all the timeline, the need to pull the right, it is up to their own decision, in order to retain the possibility of change and freedom.
After the death of the system design, see the structure Loose Women's long-term labor service cycle, if the family thus indignation and questioning "the woman away from home" ladder, also have to put down the anger to ask themselves, these years, they are not to such "free manpower" demands excessive and take for granted?
The women who leave home, open heavily locked door, outside the beautiful spring. When one day, the wife does not for the family free service, daughter-in-law not for the family emotional labor, people will take a little pain to see, the original is such a group of women, hard to prop up the family/family structure of the crack, so that the people in which can be a solid growth, go out to fight,
Many people have never thought that they also have their own ideals that no one can smell, perhaps in the family, perhaps not.
So what about you, you want to try and get divorced after death?