April 27, 2017, "Fang Siqi's first love Paradise" author Lin end of Life. She said, "When you encounter pain in reading, I hope you do not think" fortunately a novel "and put it down, I hope you and think of empathy. "At the moment, women are obsessed with wanting to do more, and they want to work with their readers to move their emotions together, and think about how we can knit together a protective net and gently take on the survivors of falling sexual violence."
Strange medical daughter, beautiful baby, this number who is also, meet her said, I am a waste, I am a child prodigy of pain, do not ask me to answer, I am just a mental patient.
2017, Lin is a literary world burst out of a shore flower, the other side of the flower to go to hell, not collected, wandering in the afterlife, magic unbearable, so let her take root, became the flowers of the death. The other side of the flower has missed the beauty of regret, flowers and leaves in different times, like Lin Yi with a farewell to life grew up in that section. People say that this flower is like a demon has gentleness, let a person on the way back, see her red as tears of the flap.
About visiting the café, Lin Yi wearing headphones seems so distant, she read the outline, I softly disturb the shock of her flashing eyelashes, this meet unfamiliar very, she hurriedly tidy up the water cup bag move, side help me add water, a sorry often hang mouth, I do not understand this apology, write when think, perhaps this is to replace the world say sorry.
I'm a malicious author, and writing is not expected.
"This thing" is when I was very young to know, sounds very sensational, but it affected, changed my life. "Fang Siqi's first love Paradise" pervert, the teacher who read literature seduced the girl who read literature, and took place in the building of civilization and the cram School of Further education. Lin talked about the advent of the book and wrote about the story of a girl being "seduced", especially in the book on the front page of the story, she does not want people to read the horror of fictional luck, "when you are in the reading of pain or discomfort, I hope you do not think" fortunately a novel "and put it down, I want you to feel empathy with Scarlett. 」
Almost powerless to finish this interview, it is difficult to imagine: if I love the teacher, the teacher said Love my way is to plug the penis into my mouth 13 years old; the teacher said I was the best gift in the world, but the cruel tear folded my body. (Extended reading: the seduced girl became a teacher and students love: The teacher took a film to me, and then raped me )
Lin said that writing is desire, this story must be let people know. But that desire is not as satisfying as having a full sleep, writing a more uncomfortable, but wanting to keep writing. I asked her if she had any expectations of the novel.
"I want anyone to see and feel the pain of Eschi, and I don't want anyone to feel redeemed," she said. What I want to do is not to redeem who, not to redeem myself, writing I did not hold "I write can be better, write more sublimation" motivation. I felt a lot of pain when I wrote it, the first time I wrote it, and then I was writing it with malicious intent. 」
"I would like to see people can be very painful, I am a malicious author." Fang Siqi The weight of this happening is that even if there is only one person, that weight can be divided equally between each person on the Earth, and everyone will be unable to bear it. 」
In the face of misery, I am a waste
Write "Fang Siqi's first love Paradise" set off a lot of discussion, a did not take the literary prize of the author, Zhang Yixian, Shijing described as Nabokov and Angie Lah Carter mixed daughter. Lin did not consult with anyone or discuss the text, she used perfectionism to educate herself, write 2000 words of article, every two or three months to look back, found not satisfied can be modified will go to modify or expand, she never thought of who the reader is, only to write to themselves, exercise the music of writing and the restraint of the operation of the word, Finally willing to write down this stranded in the life of the long story.
As if it were an obligation to write the story, she said: "I have never wanted to write it, because I will do only writing articles, this thing is not simple can be summed up with words, I think with some very richly decorated things to write it, is very futile, I also in the can not extricate oneself to write articles, will a little hate themselves, Without any substantial help, including to myself, why I wrote it myself, honestly I didn't know. 」
Writing in her is not a sense of accomplishment, Lin Yi hatred herself will only write: "Writing is a very useless thing, my mantra is that I am a waste." 」
Six months before writing, she was brewing at the same time into the stalemate: "The onset of mental illness is very serious that period of time, I have half a year can not read, open the words like ants, I do not understand, very painful." Lost language, no way to speak. Am I thinking that people who read literature really do such a thing? Did he misread it, did he read it wrong, he didn't read it in his heart? I must eventually believe that literature has made me disillusioned. I have long been used to forge my dignity, I am proud of, let people praise, I will have some pride, I think a little thought of that thing, unexpectedly, will become this way, I really very painful. (Extended reading: Shirley Sax: I'm a model, president, Doctor of Psychology, and a sexually abused survivor )
Lin Yi contains a love of literature, which is like: "If someone scold Tolstoy or Fitzgerald, I will be very angry!" Her anger was frankly like the cup of water she was holding with her hands, transparent and resolute.
Literature is the way I teach myself
Lin High School reading is a mathematical class, when everyone will be better than who math, who can use the most handsome formula solution problems, she static reading, said that they have been regarded as the kind of writing, a little romantic sentimental people.
She claimed that her sophomore year "Xiao", the two most important things in life let her stagnation, one is "Fang Siqi" story, the second is mental illness. "I began to be anorexic, do not want to eat and sleep to go to school, do not want to do anything, read the novel for me is very like elopement, because everyone is preparing for a big test, from that time until now, kept reading novels, high school graduation to the present dropout, reading novels is my self-education way, for me is very precious. "Speaking of literature, like Ju Hass talk about her lover, crazy infatuation."
After dropping out of school Lin began to long nest in the study: "Mental illness really is, very barren." Sick during the period of doing a lot of absurd things, parents to me can not understand, the loss of healthy family love friendship, have nothing, very painful very painful, repeated suicide many times .... Her voice was waning, like a wire, and she said, "It is only literature, and these people on my shelves are precious and precious, When I was ready to write novels while thinking, a period of psychosis and more severe attack, I began to think Li Guohua as a literary man, literature on him and the meaning of me, I have always believed that reading Li du poetry, people will be good. (Extended reading: I have neurosis, but don't put "dangerous" labels on me until I understand my pain )
Every talk of a near naïve, her head turned and laughed at herself: it's silly. Speaking of her paranoia about goodness and beauty, she feels the world can't believe: "I know it sounds sensational and pedantic, but it does." I can't help but wonder what the hell she looked like, and let everything that was alive and dirty take for granted.
The real me, in a more happy life
Lin Yi with his mental illness, I asked her how she lived with misery, and she said I wouldn't do it. "High School has a heavy depression, and then add a lot of miles of mental illness." "The words, Lin a little funny laugh out, as if the sick naughty hateful." "When I was an adult, until now, I didn't do any social activities, all my activities were confined in my study, and I could say that my whole life was based on thinking about this dirty thing." 」
She and think of the life experience of the intersection, think of a person's life, how to stop in there? Lin feel that he has no socialization, has not grown up, people have experienced college social, community activities, love, she did not. "I am a close friend of about three or four, I most often talk about is my husband, the second most often speak is the whole-union shop assistant." (Extended reading: The wife wrote to be sexually abused "three-year-old husband": To bring up hidden pain, to put down the sadness )
In the past, the experience of society let Lin Yi contain fear: "I have been to college for two years, will inexplicably quarrel with the teacher, the reaction around the students is that you should swallow endure, I will think, this is not normal, it is obvious that the teacher bullying me." I have few opportunities to get along with people outside, and I don't know why, but when I get along with them, I get screwed, especially when it comes to the relationship between the upper and lower levels. 」
Lin said that he may not really be suitable for survival, because of the power of the next relationship, others to play scores for others, such as social activities to make her dislike. "Life a lot of growth, all happened in the people just went to college that golden period, I may never miss, Miss there is no way." (Extended reading: don't let the sexual assault victim around you be silent: six sessions with him through the pain )
She describes human beings as "people out there," and I'm curious about how Lin sees life. "Frankly, it may be a bit pessimistic and fake, but really, I have no sense of being alive, sometimes I feel like I died when I first committed suicide a long time ago, and I know it sounds false, and I often tell my doctor ⋯⋯" (extended reading: The survivors of sexual violence are alive only to another kind of death.) )
Lin Yi contain this sigh of deep, just like from the cliff back said: "Real me, in another happy life." 」
The agony of psychosis, I cannot reconcile and forgive
Lin Yi of the "reporter" included an exclusive interview , Lin Yi contain as if become the teacher of mental illness, many people cast a letter to write the pain, Lin said: "I really speechless, because I am not an expert, I can not intervene in whose life, I am not a psychologist, even if I am a psychologist, I could not do such a thing, I can not judge your situation, or to your life under the guidance of chess, I am just a patient, I can not because of illness in this area have any professional, so it is a little awkward. 」
She likes to say "like this" at the end of the language, and it soon becomes "sauce son", and the girl is lovely. I asked how to get along with mental illness. Her head looked very painful, talk about people have a misconception that mental illness depends on willpower to recover, Lin said mental illness and heart disease is a medical disease, really come when still need to go to the emergency, eat a lot of medicine to see a doctor. "I also did not rely on willpower, is to return to the diagnosis more frequent, cry more loudly." To be honest, I would not be able to live with the pain, my own way is to regularly return to the doctor, eat a lot of medicine every day, sounds very bad, but this is the case. I also think that if you suffer to a certain extent, the only way is to see a doctor, to return to the clinic. (Extended reading:"Xiao Yu disorderly into column" Light Yu, heavy yu, postpartum melancholy!) Six pictures to bring you know depression
Lin in suffering, read Zhang Yixian "farewell book", a word like the portrayal of her life: "I am a child prodigy of pain." 」
"I am a prodigy of pain [...] my question is, does human beings need such knowledge?" Need to understand, so extreme pain and truth? The Farewell book
In the face of suffering she felt that the worst thing was that even if she wrote such a novel, the brutal facts would continue to occur. There are few ways in which people can retaliate against evil, and even the chicken soup on the market advocates reconciliation and how many creations Sangyan forgive: "I hate to think that everything can be reconciled, I hate forgiveness, very much." Before about Yu Juan woman Grandma's "Reed song", or a lot of movies will be at the end of a newborn baby, a symbol of new life, I looked very angry, a lot of things can not be new, dead people are dead. 」
Lin too angry, the eyebrows wrinkled into a whirlpool, harboring a sad black hole. I asked her how she viewed the structure as a solution to the situation. "I know that standing in the long term, indeed will be new, I this book may be some people can be vigilant, some people may be comforted, but I know the experience is that they did not, never dare to go out, he went crazy, how to tell me there is a new life?" How to admonish the world Fang Siqi become a lesson? It's so cruel, I can't reconcile. 」
has been inserted, will not be drawn out
Lin, in particular, does not want this book to have a relationship with the structure. Don't use the system to deconstruct it easily, because once it does, it's like "Fang Siqi" as a case, as the denominator of countless victims.
"I do not want to stand in the long-term, historical point of view to think." I know it's politically correct and I have the ability to think like this, but I don't want to. 」
This era is popular "big pattern of thinking", Lin said, I do not agree to stand in the right opposite to the patriarchal struggle. "When we speak of patriarchal rape of feminism, system rape knowledge, it is very easy, too accustomed to say this sentence, they do not know the weight of the word" rape ", they do not know that the word will faint, painful, uncomfortable to deafness half-day, this is very dangerous. I think people who have no experience of violence may be able to, but it is very, very difficult to say, "I fell in love with a teacher who raped me when I was a child." (Extended reading:"Please give yourself the opportunity to deal with the pain" from Chen Sanlang to Chen Jiehao, 30 years of sexual assault )
Lin again, she is more afraid of some so-called "more progressive" people, the study of gender sociology as if can easily deconstruction pain: "What scares me is that people who are" smart, progressive and politically correct "have ideals and ambitions, and when they talk about structure, one Fang Siqi, is it leaking from the big net? So why do I have to write about it, even if it's a little disgusting, erotic pervert. I want to use very fine meticulous, to portray their very disgusting pornography is very bad. We all see statistics, so I do not want to talk about the structure, we all forget that it is a person. 」
She could not bear, a Fang Siqi, from the structure of the net fell down, Lin talk about this little girl: "Just as Scarlett has never been able to enter the structure, she would rather be able to enter the structure, preferring to be an ignorant into the structure of the people." She would rather not have read the book, did not read "Second Sex", "sex knot", she would rather "let the man raise her", "Buy Brand Bag", she would rather do such a person. But no, she read it, she knows everything, and she can only "let a man keep her" from another angle. Her "happiness" is a quote of happiness, she knows it is not happy, but if she does not treat that as a happy, she will not survive, which is also a very painful thing to me. 」
"Don't tell me you want to look a little farther, you have to put down, you have to stand a little taller to see." I am a very drifting person, in the long run, maybe it can be changed, but all I know is that people who have gone mad are not going to be mad, the ones that have been inserted will not be drawn out, and what I know is this, I am very miserable and angry, and the medicine I have taken will not be washed out. -Lin Yi contains
"Fang Siqi's first Love Paradise" is a heartbreaking fact, Lin also. How dearly she said, is Fang Siqi passed a life no one should live, Lin is also.
Fang Siqi wrote in his diary: "He shoved it in and I apologized for it." 」
Lin often hangs in the mouth of apology, is not also similar to this, the pain let people forget the fact, sorry, useless self-esteem. Think of that day exclusive interview, I and Lin out of the coffee shop, she had to go to the bookstore, halfway and childish to say that lazy ah home good. Her lithe footsteps, fair fingers, how to walk down such heavy facts.
She is wandering in the death of the other shore flowers, magic can not bear her, and let her go, Lin is the devil in the human species under the gentle, her body burdened with hell plus the evil, flowers in the heart of pure zhi good beauty.