"Daughter letter" mother, you think astray, all let me closer to myself

Dear, lovely you,

I often think that our relationship is very much like the magnets of nature class, each at the north and south poles, we want to be close to each other, our umbilical cord is the closest distance. When I was little, I loved to lie in your bulging belly, my proximity to your navel gives me a sense of security, the secrets that moms can't tell, the sorrows you're a woman, and if I'm close to your body, I don't know, probably just like you never wanted to really know me. Because the reality is very cruel, we must go around the long way to love each other, will not hurt each other.

Your education in the name of love, to love than my poor people, to love people who are not like me, but do not really fall in love. Country class girls like me, you like her, often call her to our home to play, but when she likes the identity of the girl exposed, you start to worry about our relationship is not too close, you repeatedly remind me: "I remember you like the boy's name Yo." 」

See my substitute on the very Niang male classmate Block fist, with a lot of gay friends play together, you are very anxious to tell me, do not walk a road is not a person to go. I understand that you are worried that I am not safe to go, you have seen the "different" is how painful, because you have a person who will never love the man also married Christians, you have a suicide lesbian classmate.

That's a good word. Yes, many people walk on the road that is not human. They are regarded as "abnormal" people, some of the soul of the wrong body, some people's gender temperament and the world defaults, some people do not have sexual desire, some people do not have a uterus, some people in the community can not find their own identity. (Extended reading: Jolin Tsai Concert reread rose teenager: Ye Yongji dead, but the world has more Ye Yongji )

When I think of why I embarked on a line, you said "inhuman" way for more edge defense, why I in the feminist crawl out of their own, I read your badgered of the precepts "exercise self-discipline, lenient", you often want me to rest assured of empathy and know goodness. Dear you, this inhuman road, because you open the smooth path for me.

Very small Read the "human lost", many people listen to say "body and as a person, I am sorry." "So want to die, I only want to live." I question what is a person, why someone is worth a person, someone can only do not be loved freaks?

Small four or small five that year, one of the class because of "very niang" is often ridiculed male classmate called Chen Yao (alias), he talks about the whine, very like to my spoiled brat. He was the first person in my life to help me draw eyebrows. He experienced many of the elementary schools where the Rose boys had been--stripped of trousers in the corridor, exchanged diaries, torn by men, and chairs and tables kicked. The big group of boys in the class will be inexplicably scolded his mother Cannon and then kick him a foot.

They hate him so much that it doesn't make sense. A threes male classmate surrounded him, a burst of fighting in the I rushed in, mercilessly beaten a fist, that a fist fell on me, a good solid, I was full belly wronged to cry, this inexplicable occurrence of the fight also ended. The boys are full of unworthy to look at me, I am more angry, is this punch on Chen Yao take for granted?

In the intimate relationship of the boys ' study, they want to be knights, to save the clean to lust of the high tower of the princess, until growing up, I am surrounded by heterosexual boys because of their sexual temperament got depression, he and this "brother" society how incompatible, he said "I do not know how I, But I think I am not suitable for this society, "I think of the 1994 North a woman committed suicide they said" the essence of social survival is not suitable for us. " (same field Gayon: the unfinished Road to gender equality: a look at Taiwan's justice from the Ye Yongji of the Rose Youth )

Mom, because I remember the weight of the fist, a primary school boy's strength can go to where? Bruises a few days soon good, but there is a kind of blood stasis in the heart can never be. Fists are falling on your body too late to hide, a Zhang Hate your facial features, a not welcome your world, I am very curious, Chen Yao in this bullying to live how long, only can "like me", safe to go to school and go home; Like me, worried about whether to take the first place in the composition contest, not today will be bullied, can "like me", even if the injury will fall, but the education of my system and family will tell me: you deserve to be loved, you will be better.

That fell on my body is not only ignorant fist, or a whole society of tolerance and abandonment, if there is no big people agree to the exclusion of students, if no parents tell children " You don't want to play with weird kids. "If there is no news on the gay aids drug anecdote, if our world is so different, this weight will be so righteous?"

This punch always reminds me of you, I have seen that you have been because of the status of class and women in the weak situation, how to be regarded as a cold shoulder or yell, my growth imprinted with your scars, so disgusted with the ego of the growing up-if not me, you are not likely to become a happier mother?

About the pain of the body, I share with you and it. such as menstrual period.

(Picture Source: source )

Family Sisters all Pass your menstrual cramps, pain to faint, pain to burst into tears, pain to hate why I am a girl .... In fact, I cherish my menstrual cramps, I think that is the only way I get close to your pain. I have not yet experienced the tear of your birth canal, the life of a mother, but I know that you have been so painful in my years, and that is the proof that I came from you.

There is also a very close to your body when I particularly pain. I massage the back of your clothes with my palms, feel the time in your body, carve the sandy skin texture, the pain destroys your spine, and changes the shape of your body. At first I want to touch your body time, you are not confident also disturbed, said for a long time no one touched you like this. This moment I very close to you, we have not embraced for a long time, I try to understand you in the wrinkles of the skin, every time I press June to rub into your sunken bones. I often feel that I am the sinner of this body, is my life oppression this one originally should bloom the life, is my good time to take away you should have the good years.

I can not give up your side to abandon your posture of leaving. Or I'm not abandoning you, but the rules of being behind bars. To what you taught me--how to be a good daughter, a good girl, a good woman. I use the body to bump into your order, like I hit the ear hole, you are anxious to make a phase, I am confident that I am the fate of the atheist, then I have momentum bully pride, I still too want to live "and you are not the same" life. And the first time you have found the tattoo of my body, you cry more than anger, you say, this is the body I gave you. When I tell you before the next tattoo, you wave, go, it's your choice. Your letting go does not endure, cannot bear, unwilling. than I thought. (same field Gayon: tattoo Girl hundred Roes: The body of personality hides a soft heart )

After all, you are not unwilling to my happy mother, I am your core naughty existence, you said I like young you, so arbitrary. I want to receive your wishes, but also want to live well for themselves. We have been through a lot of relationship fragmentation, and repair, whenever I go another you look uneasy road, you fear again, the next time you can more rest assured.

You think the wrong path, all let me closer to myself.

But I would not be able to talk about gender and society as much as I did without your help and my fall. Being your daughter makes you a very hard mother, and I often pick up the sex events on the news for you to debate, at first you said I was probably not progressive, I realized I was destroying you build your own woman identity of the brick, this way you walk very solid, you follow the cultural expectations and even beyond the expectations to become a qualified mother, Do you agree with yourself that the way is not "yourself" and "woman", I have to blame these for my past faltering?

If the expert believes in you, I just want to be clear of Thanksgiving, and accept my 90 after the difficult, I have a woman with a patriarchal brand, I have shouted "do not sexual harassment, I want to orgasm" feminists. I love both, is very greedy, so must continue to straight is my life the poles of the subject. Until--you shouted "foreign workers" to me in front of me. "New immigrants", until you are willing to let me take your tears, until you are willing to listen to me say useless sorry.

I was in your education under the growth of children, you whip my rebellion, one side after the injury for me to apply medicine. But what could be more difficult than that? Which mother does not want to be a good person, which mother does not want to be more free. When I begin to experience your difficulties, I know that as a previous generation of mothers than a postmodern daughter too much, I saw how a mother longed for fall, attempt to rebirth, desperately want to survive, so I walk in this hope to untie more mother on the road.

When I say, "My life is not your responsibility," you cry, it seems to be free. I know this is the beginning of the wound, is also the recovery of wounds, but I can not save my you, return you a life, but people like us ah, perhaps because a little stupid, a little perseverance, there is a chance to let more people, not like our mother and daughter across the repeated thorns.

You are before the marriage refused sex of that faction, very small when you told us chastity, but I am a natural lust of the girl, I naturally for their left to spell right together to appreciate what is lust. You're worried about whether the kids in the room slept with their boyfriends, and I said, "She's a few years old, so don't worry." "But you said," That's my baby. "We are repeatedly in this debate, allowing sexual discussion to flee into the home space." I do not decide to destroy your knowledge system, just hope, we have the opportunity to circle out, look at each other's universe, there are different nebulae.

You are very repulsive to women who are "not the same" and have a sour breath in the face of women who are old enough to dress like makeup or engage in sex work. I understand that the anxiety of being a mother, the outward temperament that transcends "identity", is a completely different woman from the "mother-oriented", who satisfies another requirement of paternity, which may be difficult for you to decide to take on the post of mother. There is deep and deep despair, we can not repair-the distinction between prostitutes and Joan, girls in the sex of the profit and loss of the logic, one by sexual assault and society abandoned them. Only before the next destruction, to prepare for the construction, so proceed to sex education, start structure, start dialogue.

I'm longing, those bodies don't hurt anymore.

The girl I told you about in the early March left this world, when I was talking about all the interviews and my sense of common feeling, you said, "You really like this job." "At this moment I do not want to tell you my pain, I know in the face of suffering, you will be more than I can not bear."

I asked you, "What's the most painful thing about being a woman?" 」

At that time you said: "Wait." Waiting for the boy to come back, waiting for the child to grow up, but it seems, always wait for the original, so cuo wasting the whole life. 」

I heard a good sad, or lucky, we are waiting for the people. As a woman, waiting is expected, waiting is believing must be good, waiting is convinced oneself worth. Waiting is to be betting years to give an ideal, waiting is not expectations, waiting is to offer themselves. The product of our umbilical cord is likely to be able to wait, to retreat from love, to fight for the love.

Dear, lovely you, you would like to stay with me. Thank you for waiting for me to grow up, and I will wait for you to understand me. Thank you for letting me be born in this lovely, hateful, can look forward to the world.