Women are obsessed with sex observation, and when everyone pays attention to the reason why Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorce, we'd like to delve deeper into the anxiety of a boy. From a boy to a man, would he be a better father if Brad Pitt in his family to face his emotions?
At the end of last September, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's breakup caused fans to be in an uproar, so far Brad Pitt in response to the marriage of remorse: "I won the jackpot, but also spent time chasing those empty things." 」
He came to the press in a confessional, saying that a father's frustration, a husband's failure, we don't talk about the death of a marriage is regrettable. We would like to speak with a divorced man to face why the general male in marriage can not adapt to the husband and father identity? As a man, how can they see the anxiety of their gender and make themselves happy? (Extended reading: The father who married but never had time, made Taiwan mother a false single parent )
I am not a good father: from a boy to a father, he can be weak
Brad Pitt Frankly, in these six months, he spent in an unusually chaotic sense of time, a 53-year-old man, remove the husband's name, to learn a person's life again. "I'm stuck in a life where a lot of problems can't be undone, and I just want to cross it and fix it." Brad Pitt talked about his divorce and ran to director David Finch's home, to avoid thinking: "I am at home alone can not calm down, always feel confused, head full of noise." "(Recommended reading: Farewell to Divorce psychology: Learn to separate, to be well together )
His mental state was clearly affected by the mental problems of divorce and previous alcoholism, and Brad Pitt a deep reflection on "paternity" at the end of his marriage. "I'm not going to be an actor anymore because it takes up very little of my time and attention and making movies is the easiest way to deal with emotional problems, but it doesn't work anymore, especially when it comes to being a dad," he said. 」
He thinks he is a "mood-impaired" father, do not know how to express love with their children, not enough to pay. In fact, most fathers have similar difficulties. Every father was a boy, and many boys were uncomfortable with the feeling of closeness, and most of the time they preferred to hide their emotions or watch their emotions. The society assumes that boys should be self, successful, and self-respecting, and do their best to ignore the evidence of a boy's injuries.
Why do boys have to learn to express emotions? From Brad Pitt's father's role, he lacks the emotional language to communicate with his children, while the average boy learns emotional expression in his father's body. If Brad Pitt a childhood again, what kind of family education can make him more adaptable to emotion?
The first thing you can do is to guide your child to identify and choose from your reading, and when your boy watches the hip-hop or rock singer who is addicted to the lyrics, and worships the violence of women on TV, he may mistakenly recognize that this is the only way to establish a relationship with women.
Second, in family education, we must untie the boy's gender temperament--boys should not only use anger response to loss, as a part of the family we have to stand up to protect the boy's ability to express vulnerability and cognitive emotions. Culture that Strong is a boy's assets, but to create their emotional debt, we have to open the boy's soft feelings, no longer with the "feminine characteristics" of intimidation demand him to be a knight, like a man. (same field Gayon: male emancipation of sex selected book: Manly, castrated boy's inner softness )
Boys have tenderness, boys have compassion, boys are traumatized, boys are vulnerable. Freeing men from here is willing to release care and weakness and develop a sound emotional system in the complete emotional element.
Communicating intimate relationships with children: separation is the norm of life
In addition to expressing his feelings, Brad Pitt finally face the fact of divorce, and has opened his mind to discuss with their children. How do they communicate with their children about divorce? Brad Pitt said: "We have communicated with our children for a long time, and we have explained the past problems, the status quo, and the future of our home, and when we communicate with our children, we focus on" we all become better people. " 」
There is a brutal culture in the gender order that provides a successful script for men. For example, they show their own strength by dominating women and sexual conquest, they must always show power to determine their class, they take control and decision-making roles in marriage ....
There is a complicated relationship in the process of divorce, and in the father's case, he must redefine his father's role and his relationship with his divorced wife, and he will surely undergo a self-examination: "I am not a failed man". In divorce, women face a lot of social censure, men face more of their own emotional barriers.
In a society that encourages men to develop their economic vectors, dads lack the opportunity to truly return to their families emotionally. Starting with divorce, Brad Pitt opened an honest dialogue with the family, he felt obliged to explain to his children the "past, present and future of our family", to face the child's identity at home, and to look optimistically at the end of the marriage that many people had criticized for-leaving is not the end of eternity, everyone has their own task, The tides of life have different ups and downs. (Recommended reading: 13 years in love, 14 years of marriage, we do not have to go to the end )
Why is it important to communicate with children about the reasons for parents ' divorce? In addition to the importance of children have their own personality and thinking, but also open the child's imagination of the relationship. A family of differences is not a person's responsibility, family differences after the opening of the scattered leaves may not be built more garden.
Intimacy does not have a model, no transforms, we see the facts that actually happen, face it, and then go back to our own subject, as Brad Pitt says: "I have no secrets, we are all human, and what I find interesting is that when a person doesn't talk about it, the less he grows, Now my single life is trying to keep the boat afloat and regain the weight of my life. 」
What is Love? Talk about a relationship you don't have to have
If you love a person, let him be free. Now I understand, I feel it deeply. It means that love does not have, love is not in return.
Love is neither possession nor one-woman. Brad Pitt is not a good expression of love, but he practiced sharing with his children, his imagined love is free, not blackmail, not coercion.
After the two divorced, Brad Pitt admitted his drinking problem, more active and Jolie together to find the way to get along with the children, they are not ways, try to use another way to extend the deformation of the relationship, accept the relationship is no longer the past. He said in an interview that he had to bet more on his father's responsibilities, and that whatever form the family continued to run, he wanted to try to give him the love he could give.
We try to see a sore man, a bad-mood father, a husband who thinks he's lost, and he's on his journey to relive the full relationship, even if the relationship is divorced. (Extended reading: mom and dad divorce, sex addiction, loss of security: The face of loneliness in the growth of psychology )
Later, the family will face more growth in the typical family interaction style, but the feelings may not be absent. Love is not only to occupy a descendant's place in the genealogy, but to use DNA as the blackmail of this life in blood, but in life, it can give you strength to walk with you.
Like this Laoyanfenfei family, love the different blood of the baby, love with no marriage relationship.