Father's Day Eve, talking to you about different family composition, let the imagination of the family no longer flat, when "Father absent", "false single parents" into the social structure of the product, we can start from the structure, for men to build a home road, the liberation of gender-cured men's bondage, to encourage the father to become a father.
Father's Day is coming, the festival is more than praise and commemoration of the use, in many people's growing experience, the father is absent, the physical absence, the absence of spirit, the absence of the establishment of the relationship; father's face is sometimes blurred, yes we understand that the father was delivered to a more ambitious task than his home, and he left to build a world outside the family, We are old enough to wait until father comes home.
Many people look at Father's Day, do not know what to celebrate, feel like a child writing, wrote My father, the brain blank, turned up reference books, write my father love reading newspaper.
In Taiwan, the Department of Gender Equality of the Executive Yuan and the Ministry of Weifao Statistics, in Taiwan, each of the 10 children comes from single-parent families, 70% of whom are raised by their mothers; Taiwan also has nearly 25% of the false single parent ratio, the father of the foreign school, do not love home father, separated father, in a word, the child is accustomed to father's " Save and not ".
We should further ask why the father is absent. Can we go back to the same fathers who can't get home?
The solidification of gender roles: we don't encourage a father to be a father.
The reason why my father is absent is that our society does not encourage father to be a father.
The family is the place where the gender role is highly solidified, and the mother's role is sanctified and natural, Mother Nature, child and mother most close, strengthen the child and mother linked to, virtually pushed away the father; the absence of the father is encouraged, in many countries, fathers are not allowed to take maternity leave, or have less than the mother's maternity leave, latent messages imply that the father is Breadwinner, the first task is to shoulder the family livelihood, leave the family upbringing, is the rest of the time. (Recommended reading: women are not hatching eggs!) Rethinking the stereotype of "motherly love Built" from Rhesus monkey experiment
Despite the increasing number of earner families and the nearly 1:1 per cent working ratio of men and women, the distribution of household roles within male and female owners remains a contemporary gender curse. So when the mother regrets housework and distribution uneven, many fathers heart is angry, oneself also is not no pay, make money in order to support the family, how oneself live like a home outsider, with the child more and more not familiar with?
The fact is, society does not encourage men to become fathers, society does not support men to spend time and energy in betting families, pro-VTE parents are responsible, but for many people, father as long as One-fourth of the housework, as long as the occasional remember to take the child out to play, is already a good father. This idea, for the family, for the male role, also has hurt.
"You're a man with a kid, all right?" "The man's dignity is in fact a social article, the author shares his own experience, after domestic consultation, by his home with children, wife continue to work."
"The old people along the road guess you are a day of milk dad, will not help but broken read." Every day I have to accept the reminders of strangers, and some will ask: "Your wife?" Is it okay to be a man? "To teach me as my own child. 」
"Of course, Dad with children also have its advantages, some people will criticize, but also some people will feel that men do this is not easy, after the start people will praise him, if it is a full-time mother is more difficult to be sure, may also be asked:" All day at home how did not cook the clothes? 』。
We do not encourage men to become fathers, so there are so many mother and child courses on the market, and mothers exchange parent-child communities, but they do not see their fathers. So most of the blame is on the mother, let the father out, the mother is learning to become a mother, and a man to become a father, the road of learning is clearly not yet well conceived.
Father can not go home, wandering outside the door, let you only see him constantly leaving the back. Father's impression is back, has been leaving, I think the same those who can not return home father, also hope that the absence of father is no longer the normal family. (Recommended reading:"theater mom Act II" Dad, you're not just a money machine )
Make a way for men to go home: liberate women and liberate men from bondage
"Father's absence" in some cases is the choice of "personal will", but more is also the product of changes in social structure, father's absence for many reasons, divorce is one of the first, separation, abandonment, imprisonment, foreign faction also occupy a proportion, there are more than the "psychological absence" and false single parents-they are a group of fathers who are always working.
After the Industrial revolution, the work and the family gradually separated, the public domain (publicly sphere) to work, gradually became more than the family field (domestic sphere) unpaid work to obtain higher evaluation, men were encouraged to stay away from the family, outside the career map, all the way also lost the road home.
According to Heath's psychological research, we do not often list fathers as important roles in the process of maturation, which has a deeper impact on men, who tend to replicate their father's behavior patterns when they become fathers-because he has never felt the importance of his father's presence in his own upbringing. So from the beginning of the 20th century, psychologists constantly reminded fathers of the importance of returning to the family and tried to define an indispensable role and task for the "Father", encouraging his father to return to the family and to have his weight in the family.
For example, the French psychoanalysis scholar Lacanian Psychoanalysis put forward "the name of the father", pointing out the important significance of the father's existence, is to set up an inviolable rule, play the role of "brake" in the family, as a function to stop the child's behavior, and gradually help the child to turn this function into self-control "Father of this disease" in the book further call, "Father has a more advantageous place, is to have the elements of the game." The father can play anything, make the child feel interesting, and the mother will make everything into a routine, and have the perseverance to do, or to have children to complete. This tendency is more pronounced when children are growing older. The father is keen on playing with the body, while the mother is betting on preparing food or taking care of the child. 」
While the psychologist's argument may have consolidated the existing gender division of labor, it can be seen as an attempt to dismantle the existing family structure, and to call on his father to return home the destiny and meaning. Instead of consolidating his father's system of absolute authority, his father had to admit that his role had been in the absence of the family and that, from that point of view, the responsibility for the upbringing of different roles in the family should have been discussed. (Recommended reading: The father who married but never had time, made Taiwan mother a false single parent )
Father wants to go home, have a way home. In her speech to the United Nations this year, Anne Hathaway showed empathy, liberating women and freeing men to be free.
"We need to redefine the roles of men and give them the means to take on a parenting career." In order to liberate the female bondage, we also want to liberate the male bondage. Women should shoulder the responsibility of housework, is a very solid gender stereotypes, not only deepen the discrimination against women, but also limit male participation and male and family members of interaction and links. 」
At a time of gentleness and empathy, I would prefer to discuss the family at a time when men are no longer excluded from discussions and men are no longer justly absent; I would like to invite all fathers to build a way home for themselves, further to imagine what kind of "father" I want to be? (Recommended reading: There are three kinds of dads in Taiwan, but no one remembers growing up with their children. )
Finally, we also want to say that the family is a change, there is no so-called perfect family structure, the family is not equal to a husband and wife and a litter of children.
To help father become a father, we cannot ignore that in contemporary times, there are more forms of family relationships that are growing, such as the family concept of parenting responsibilities for Nordic men and women, such as gay families with adoptive children, such as single-parent families with each other, which are family-families that welcome different roles and provide different support, Growing the support and growth structure each family needs, we look forward to seeing more of the family mix and interaction-no longer just "dad fishing, why don't you go home?" 」
After the industrial Revolution, work and family gradually separated, women began to be regarded as natural household and caregiver (caretaker), men began to be given to the breadwinner "breadwinner/bread earner" (breadwinner) role (Gerson, 2004), "Male outside, The rigid gender division of labor in the female Lord begins to dominate the human world.