From Hollywood #MeToo sexual violence to the community, and then stand poured sulfuric acid case, I think of another emotional out of the closet and the possibility of companionship.
October 20, two men were arguing more and more loudly outside Taiwan's dormitory.
"You give me the key!" "c saw the former H and other students walk back to the dormitory, can not help toward the direction of H growl.
C and H used to be lovers, H is a Taiwan university students, although there are beds in Taiwan large dormitory, but because it is a lot of people have to entrust a friend to rent a suite outside, occasionally and C together to the rental housing, C said the key, perhaps refers to the rental house key.
The two were not the first to quarrel fiercely, according to the report. In September this year, H was alerted after the attack by C choke, the police according to the procedure to inform the Center, and the Act of C as "high-risk cases." The police had asked H whether to claim a protection order, and H feared to offend C and refused. Later two people break up negotiations, c to suicide coerce, H again alarm, and began to fear with C meet.
Number 20th in the evening, C in Taiwan and the outside of the dormitory with H quarrel, female preservation heard the quarrel will bring two people into the front communication, H request to save C drive, C stimulated, followed by sour tragedy.
From heterosexual to gay Qingsha case
The news of the great vitriol incident appeared quickly in the community, at first a chaotic and limited information: Two men and one woman, two injured. The social mainstream heterosexual frame appears to be two men fighting for a woman's Qingsha case.
Sulfuric acid is an intuitive association with disfigurement. People say, ah, is disfigured, one is not to love, then take a woman's appearance as the ultimate means of the typical aversion to revenge.
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Later in the news information gradually released the process, the fact that one by one surface, the original is gay Qingsha, tai two word Plus, discussion of the heat, people talk about, "comrade is not particularly sensitive, easy to lose control of emotions, so particularly ferocious?" 」
From heterosexual love killed to gay Qingsha, people do not know how to understand, so the rough attribution of the "characteristics" of the gay community.
The attribution of labels and stigma is often caused by too much fear. People warn surrounding relatives and friends, be careful to make friends, protect themselves, forwarding the "Dangerous Valentine Symptom", as if qingsha from the genetic virus, isolated after the identification can be safe, in fact, such marks are the most dangerous.
So exactly how to understand Qingsha, how to "avoid injury"?
In a society that despises negative emotions, the Qingsha case is more
The tendency of Qingsha, every field shows the lack of emotional learning resources and the lack of emotional support system.
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The education system in the last decade seems to have begun to pay more attention to EQ, but emotional quotient discussion is often only rewarding positive emotions, ignoring negative feelings, even the "positive and negative" emotional naming of the label system are very problematic. People often say, "Don't be so pessimistic, just think about it." You don't have to be sad all the time, so the negative can not solve the problem. 」
Emotions such as anger and sadness have profound value and often come from the best personality traits, such as carefulness, caution, such as enthusiasm, such as thoughtfulness. But our society is very utilitarian, to a complete person abruptly cut: this part of the emotional effectiveness, you retain; this part of the emotional inefficiency, we do not.
The habit of directly blocking the emotional result is that we do not know enough about emotions such as anger and sadness, when we are desperate, but do not know how to deal with, do not know how to terminate this painful feeling.
People always suffer setbacks in life, work and relationship, holding a bad do not know how to solve, thought that they have broken down, but also think that they will die forever, leaving only a very absolute solution: suicide, the end of the feeling, the end of their own, or to kill the people who make him miserable, thinking that this can eliminate the source of pain.
But both ways will not let the pain disappear, the elimination of life is irreversible, will only leave more can not be burdened with remorse.
How to coexist with uncomfortable emotions, is almost the most important subject of human life, we do not know how to do, where there is resource assistance.
Before you find a way to live with sadness, I want to tell you that it doesn't matter, it's just a stage, and you'll be more resilient and beautiful when this phase passes. Pain and sadness are not permanent, just like happiness is not, emotions such as spring and autumn spring and summer, to have patience to see it, and so it goes.
Emotional out of the closet is very important! I want to say three times!
Qingsha reason to trace back, in addition to emotional education resources, lack of emotional support system is also an important cause. Our society is particularly committed to depriving men of emotional expression, to block specific emotions to create a single model of masculinity, men have few emotional exports.
We rarely tell a boy or a man, crying doesn't matter, crying and weakness does not detract from the value of any one point as a man, you are still sexy when you cry, still can be handsome. The tears of a girl or a woman have aesthetic value, but the society does not treat men's tears with the same aesthetic.
The boy knew that no matter how to hide or deny his feelings first, the man who lost his manhood would not be loved. Male partner systems also have fewer positive coping feelings: go for a drink and forget about the pain;
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In contrast, the female companion system often provides more emotional support through the same "emotional closet". Girls ' companionship is often a lot of talk and share emotions, emotional exposure and out of the closet, but also let the feelings of empathy and support opportunities.
For example, a girl would say, "I know you, because I have been so sad and painful, I spent a little time, finally slowly better." 」
How do we encourage men to come out of the closet? Can society accept other options other than men's rage, such as weakness, sobbing, and knowing that people are beautiful because they are emotional? How can we make a man feel safe, cry will be sad, do not mean that you are a failure (or a man), you do not have to be afraid of being labeled as a sissy, will not prejudice the gender identity.
Want to let you know not alone, we all have walked like this
When you hear qingsha, people tend to show their panic expressions quickly. This person must be deformed, abnormal, sick, will have to kill a couple or suicidal thoughts.
But when serious and intimate relationships face transition, the fact is that many people have thought about destroying themselves (or the other half). People do not do it because they are born evil, but rather than those who do not act, they tend to be more helpless and less linked to other support systems.
The recent Hollywood movie tycoon's sexual harassment #MeToo hashtag activity has given me a flash, in the wound treatment of intimate relationships, perhaps we can also have more experience of trauma out of the closet, to produce more visibility of the same kind of support.
I wonder if there may be a #MeToo for all who have been in intimate relationships with themselves, with their loved ones, with their families, who feel extremely confused and sad, suicidal but decided to walk a step further to survive, these people go all the way to pick up the value of life, should be generous appearance ah.
For example, I seem to be "normal", but I have been in relationship with my ex-husband many times to discuss whether or not to end each other's lives. In the end we decided to die together, but two of people were thinking, dying, spending all their money traveling around the world and doing what they wanted to do.
I remember looking at each other and saying, "This needs to be planned!" 」
I took out the calendar, opened the airline website, and gave the list of places I wanted to go. That moment, I suddenly feel alive is also good, at the same time, I think booking a ticket good tired good trouble, or another day to discuss the end of life this problem, wait until we have the power to play when we think how to die. In this way, we are absurd to eliminate suicidal thoughts, and go a step further, to the present, I feel that there is good health, alive is a great thing.
Qingsha is a negative volume label name. In the relationship between the end of life is not uncommon, from a variety of classic literature and film text to social news, love the more strong lonely, the more easy to sever links with the outside world, so when the intimate relationship to the end, the more prone to feel the world collapse, must destroy themselves or each other end.
I think it's not just sexual assault victims who need #Metoo out of the closet with the same companionship, perhaps in the limited emotional education resources and support system, there is a quick support method is to let people who have been in the emotional trauma to survive the appearance of the Ark, said I have walked, I survived, saw life really have seasons, please believe yourself, You have the power to walk with yourself.
I saw you, you walk in the polar winter, wear not enough, cold very afflictive, I know, but spring then came, believe me, go a little more than a small paragraph of good.
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