Love addiction Disorder: An exclusive interview with Xu Peifen's four-act poetic Love Theatre

Open her book of poetry "I only worry about whether the rain will go down to tomorrow morning", just read the first "life", I know: this person is ill, fortunately, we are just as sick.

To be honest/I'm guilty
To get hurt/My Love
In order to avoid the rain/jump into the well
I kill myself hundreds of times a day to live what I want/
--〈 Life Xu Peifen

October 2016, she was released on the journey of life 〉,"a few minutes, face book notice constantly jump out, one day to share the number of broken 2000, and I am still traveling, the phone has been shaking. "In retrospect, she still has the fallout in her hand, and she can still write while she feels it."

Poetry is the language of precision, and the word drills the words that people can hardly speak of. Poetry is a black hole in the fuse, the original thought of their own alone in the dark, an open eyes, unexpectedly found around there are countless Zhangleo flawless, in order to be loved and cut the flesh of the bones, lonely people.

Her poems are like her people, willful and overbearing, like people want to live, she always narrates love, let Love occupy her life all themes. She herself said, "I am writing to make people love Me", love in her belly pregnant with the most sweet and thrilling love script, she passed into poetry like menstrual blood.

The first act: menstrual Blood and sickness

"I hate it and look at my work again," he said. "Non, Constant, pleasing, and annoying." "Xu Peifen bite teeth, almost to the end of the breath, a word to spit out these words."

Love is to push oneself into the fire pit, to feel the joy of living in the burning flames, and when everyone else is afraid to close their eyes, she looks at the wound in the Firelight and takes a poem to investigate her totem as a monster.

But the most painful stage of creation is to have a brain-lined ecstasy and be forced to look at the wounds and pus. Thinking of the deadline, she crumpled her face in pain, "almost to the side of self-inflicted wounds, to the side of the finishing work." "Hearing people recite my poems is like seeing a cockroach fly." 」

Her words have the magic of summoning scenes, her works, she only read two times, the first time is to finish the moment, the second is the finishing. "These things, like Leucorrhea, menstrual blood, lochia the same, you do not want to see it." Unless you're studying your body. 」

My poem, is my leucorrhea, my menstrual blood, my lochia.

Life and love, such as knives, stabbed in, out of the thick than the menstrual flow of poetry. It is not her choice to come to the poem.

The two weeks of work full file, unable to create, she described as the former edema, "has been uncomfortable feeling, feel fast but never come." "Then, Ah! Came, the words from the body mi mi outflow. She took it down with a pen and paper. She doesn't read when she's out of the body, "Just like you don't have to look at a used tampon." 」

She had written on the Face book, published the first book of poetry, like through three days of underwear was turned outside, put on the goods rack, let everyone buy, "later evolved into, the sale of used sanitary cotton" Xu Peifen to our blinking meixiao. Menstruation is the death of an egg into the form of a demon, to menstruation analogy, is the Magic Woman code.

The publication of menstrual blood, not to wait, "thought will become the underground poetry", did not expect to get a great response, more accidental publication of her healing effect, she spoke in a tone of shyness. "I thought it was disgusting, dirty, dark, even despicable, shameless, nasty, violent, ridiculous, sad mood, was naked in the sun, and Many people said, I have resonance ." 」

She did not know that the black hole has more than two eyes, is waiting for people to write their black hole appearance. She did not know that every person walking in the crowded street, have seen passers-by no matter can laugh, while suppressing screaming impulse, thinking that only their body in hell. The world is sick and people are waiting for the poet to debunk the reality of Kafka's card scam. They are waiting for Xu Peifen.

One morning I woke up/found the world turned into a giant worm
--〈 disease

The creation, the black hole has the echo, she suddenly, "originally people all diligently in makeup, hides the heart the sadness, carefully maintains the human form." Perhaps because of a note or a look, "pa" into dust. 」

"I realized that I was not so lonely." Xu Peifen Dark eyes, she said, we are not so lonely.

I believe that the more quiet the person/body there is a fierce noise/believe that all the gentle people/in the heart of the plan/gorgeous assassination.
--〈 Loneliness

Reading poetry is the Call of the witch, take off the mask of smile, see Xu Peifen Write, you have to forgive in the smooth and clean order with malicious self.

Act II: Breakup, Jet lag and ex-boyfriends

Break up often, one person is gone, the other remains in situ. The first episode of the new book is sick, second time difference. "Time difference is past, miss, regret, memory, Miss." Two people in the same time, break up, is into different time and space. 」

I can't sleep/worry about your smell on the pillow
I can't wake up/Like a late Pilgrim/God is dead/still waiting in situ
I don't want to be good/don't want to be like you/know how to forget
You are still my troubled times/even if I am not/your beauty
--〈 War

Breaking up like a race, firing a gun, timing starts, and running as far as possible is the winner. But some people are willing to stay in situ, they do not care about the loss, the remnant of a lover after leaving like a kiss hug, the opponent play too late paraded repertoire, alone interpretation more freedom, begging, curse, questioning, Sue Love, not bored not end. Until the new people take her out of the play, until tired, before leaving the time zone of love.

But if two people in the earth around a circle, may also return to the beginning of understanding, jet lag to eliminate, become friends.

"First of all, two people have no nostalgia or want to go back to the past." It does take time, not a minute to become a friend immediately, there are jet lag, maybe even after two or three years, one of them is still suffering, another person has entered a new relationship. Finally two people are past, can be more rational review, coupled with the understanding of each other, will become a precious friend. 」

"Just because love is, outside the family, two of strangers can penetrate into each other's deepest form of life." It is fortunate to be able to become a friend from a lover again. "Here, Xu Peifen put his feet into the chair, thought she was cold, she said nothing, just talk about them suddenly feel a little miss."

In love, two strangers can penetrate the deepest forms of each other's lives.

She had many past lovers and later became a supporter of intimacy than her family. "That existence, really is my mobile phone, credit card, they all know, anything can tell them, anytime can call them." Even a new boyfriend will take them to see them. 」

At this time, outside suddenly began to rain, Xu Peifen body startled, quickly looked out of the window, like only a monster passing through, we hold our breath until she openings. "I am very, very, very afraid of the rain," said one at a time very, she is weak, her new book name from this, " I only worry about whether the rain will go down until tomorrow morning ." 」

After a while, she finally composure, faint asked me, "Where did you say?" I talked about my ex-boyfriends. 」

"Oh, they are mine, shelter of the awning." "Not just the rain," I mean, because I often have the urge to jump down. She added in such a way. Fortunately, ex-boyfriends understand her, she is too willful, alone can not, let a person can't bear, can't bear the world always miss her thrown out of the heart. If you have the strength always want to carry her to walk a paragraph, or let her wildly.

May gradually be hobby some, she also began to try to let oneself live well. I only worry about whether the rain will go down to tomorrow morning, three episodes, from sickness, time difference, to love, she said, this is from the death to live arrangements.

"In fact, the second" in the black hole I see their eyes "is so, from sadness to slowly stand up, poetry can form an essay. "After she picked up the second poem, the index finger pressed the words on the letter, with childish earnest, read to me."

I am dead/in the next Life/live a happy day/one-woman/Just want to play monopoly with you/or join Isis/⋯⋯ I will read the fairy tale to you before bedtime/if there is a next life/I will accompany you to live

Xu Peifen words have a riddle, tease you, you think her poem domineering, will see her no survivors of desolation more gentle. "I want my work to begin by revealing the most naked, cruel, painful parts." If you have patience, you will look at it slowly and find a little light. 」

Act III: The moment of ambiguity and flash

After overcoming the jet lag, throw your arms and greet the love immediately. " ambiguous is the only honey of life!" the poet became very spiritual and sweet when he chatted about the affair. "No ambiguous, born without love." "In the name of Shiva," the earth should be destroyed in an instant. 」

Then she confessed her hands to heaven. "God, I am guilty!" This may be the reason why I can't stabilize a relationship. "Ambiguous worthy of evil seduced, worthy of incarnation witch, do the Witch of the people, in fact, not God's forgiveness." Because ambiguous to come, you can not stop, only knees a soft, flustered kneeling greet, and inspiration came to the same.

Creative brilliance is often scattered around Xu Peifen life. "My creative process is often to talk to a friend about a sentence, or suddenly think of, immediately write down, it may be a word, a word, a complete sentence, may also be a picture or film stills, I will find a way to put it in the mobile phone, but also often into the line of friends, disorderly and disorderly biography, written in waste paper, toilet paper, Use lipstick without a pen. 」

"For example, last night before bedtime suddenly thought five words: the body remembers. I immediately jumped up to find a cell phone, knock down these five words, just feel at ease to go to bed. In another two hours, I awoke painfully, and turned on my computer, and the sentence was "popping out". 」

She usually writes in a smooth, complete moment of ecstasy. "Write what you want to write, it's as good as ambiguity!" She paused for a second, aftertaste again, "Damn it!" That's really cool! This is the happiest thing. 」

Like a girl, if she could, she wished she'd always been ambiguous. But eternal ambiguity is impossible. So she wrote, and she wrote poetry.

I hate that you/always claim yourself/not to be a good word/if this is true/then please stop/write a poem in my heart.
--〈 I hate you.

Love theater, ambiguous most creative, the actor took each other puzzle, according to the clue impromptu performance of the most charming, dirty, sweet and greasy all kinds of themselves. After all the tricks, the body remembers, and the climax.

Act Fourth: Climax

Is it possible for a woman's climax to be written to make others feel empathy? This is the recent Xu Peifen in the creation of the question.

"For me, writing doesn't have to be hard," he said. I'll write whatever I want. But lately I've found that I don't seem to be able to write my passions. I've never written a more pornographic work, and most of it stays in the brain for pure love. However, her recently published online work has begun to write the body.

Then she threw the question at me, "is it possible for a woman's masturbation and orgasm to be written to make others feel the same as they do in a sad mood?" "I said, I think theoretically can, at least, can hook up with emotional desire."

"But how about that ah, that is, you want to write on the edge of the climax?" "The whole room was noisy," said the man, speaking of excitement. "The moment of Ascension, first you have no hands." But also to convert it into a literary language, otherwise, just ah ah ah! 」

Hard, writing a climax is more difficult than writing a love, how to deter the body with details, let others see also be affected? She read 郝誉 novels depicting female masturbation fragments, the daughter happened to bump into the mother is masturbating, the whole bed is shaking. She was very impressed, but she was not confident that she could write her own feelings. "Yes, how do you know you wrote it right?" "It is difficult for the poet himself to be sure that the women's pleasures have always been taboo, rarely spoken or translated into words, and that there are not enough women poets to embark on the path of investigation."

In the literary mechanism formed by the patriarchal discourse (such as the national identity, etc.), the writing of the body and the lust is still not sufficient, even if there are many male poets such as Lin Yao-de, Chen Khawa, Chen Li and so on. "I don't know whether it's because of sex and sex that we see gay poets like Chen Khawa, and it's easier to see erotic things," he said. "Women's lust for writing, it is worth daring to open up."

Irigaray, a French postmodern feminist, says that women's sex organs are diverse, ubiquitous, and almost all parts of the body can feel pleasure, and orgasm can appear in more, more complex forms, and infinity. The Sissou of negative writing encourages women to take the body as the main direction of description. Female body as the subject of feelings, men can not intervene, women can start from their own body to experiment, create a new language.

But it is also difficult, because the language system itself is the product of the power structure. Poets must dispatch from existing words.

"For example, we see some words going cold and killing." I casually describe the genital, there are many words, maybe some people see "big cock" the two words, he is not, "Yang" for him, OK. 」

We have no conclusions, but agree with Xu Peifen that women's sexuality grows stronger with age, "perhaps that's why I've been thinking about it lately." 」

For Xu Peifen, the climax of life is flirting, "flirting can resonate, become a piano, let him play, send the most beautiful movement." "She smiled sweetly," whether it was verbal or physical, it was too much fun. 」

I want to buy a street all/house, so that you can no longer like real life/just smile past me
I want to monopolize/the whole world traffic/let you not go out/my dream
If you lose/I don't want you to pay me back/As long as you keep playing with me
If I lose/I'll rub all the money and the deed/put the flag and the dice in my pocket/I forbid you to play with anyone else.
--〈 just want to play monopoly with you.

Her poems, a book is a flirt game, countless times secretly fantasy how to play with the lover, and finally gave the reader. Read the Xu Peifen, you will want to love a person, experience the hopeless of illness, jet lag burning, and then experienced ambiguous rebirth. The law of nature is the birth go to death, Xu Peifen poem, first put himself into the dead, and then slowly come alive. From death to life, in fact very gentle.

I said she was gentle, Xu Peifen thought for a moment, "gee, because this is in line with my outlook on life, I used to think of things in the most miserable situation, only way." I can't understand people who are optimistic in nature. She hastened to add, "not to question criticism, but to utter unimaginable." When they encounter setbacks, how to face and deal with it? Is that not the feeling of loss? 」

So, turn off the light first.

"I walked all the way, thinking about the worst." Well, if there's one thing better than imagining, I'm making a Peffin. But you don't want to be fooled by her. Girls to join the world to become a witch, the Magic woman to the road, because of the exposure of the worlds can not find the light source, the dark we may, at least read Xu Peifen, you will know the joy in the black hole, have a pair of sensitive eyes, can finally turn off the light after the light.