"A story Like Mine" Sanmao: I don't want to look at the end of life

The pole of being a generation is extremely lonely, the so-called standard pole, often prominent crowd, unique. Sanmao life with strange woman described is far from enough, she used life to collide with the world, like the Big Bang, all the founder's rules scatter, give birth to the fantasy Nebula, in Your Invisible lonely night sky, there are light years away from the star is generated, the collapse of the cosmic gravity, to recreate a dazzling dazzling galaxy.

Sanmao with the "strange", the accumulation of explosive energy, in the constant denial of self, the process of understanding themselves, for the adult himself prepared a dormant explosion.

I want to be in a limited time and space, to live a life of infinite size.

A person has at least one dream, there is a reason to be strong. If the heart does not inhabit the place, everywhere is wandering.

Sanmao adult legend, a lot of people sing, but very little people know, Sanmao from childhood, on the rush to live the unusual.

Sanmao, formerly known as Chen Liping, was born in Chongqing in 1943 and relocated to Taiwan with his parents in 1948.

In adults ' eyes, Sanmao a little "different" from childhood. Take the name of this matter, three years old, the father taught Sanmao write his name, Sanmao abruptly will be the most difficult to read the name of "Mao" word omitted, Xu himself a new name, called Ping, shouted: "That word, trouble." 」

Before you realize that you want to live, the name is meaningless, it is the world to identify the human label, Sanmao torn off, to their own pleasing to the eye.

Another time the teacher gave homework, is a composition, theme: my ideal. Students began to look for a successful model of society, dots, depicting their ideals, "everyone wrote:" Scientists, doctors, entrepreneurs, but many students, do not really like. "What about the ideals of Sanmao?" She wrote a "I want to be a scavenger" on the go: "Scavenging can breathe fresh air, can be wandering the streets and play, can work one side of the game." "The teacher saw the big scold:" Your ideal is to pick up rubbish, that also read what book, hurriedly roll out. 」

Sanmao's "Different" comes from her "true" sense of life. The frame of the world to her is invisible, is useless, she felt life, feel the ecstasy of their own heart, indomitable, to live a life without regrets. (Recommended reading:"single Diary" to Sanmao, I love you is the best time )

Pictures | source

Junior high School that year, Sanmao admitted to the first woman in Taipei. Sanmao language is good, mathematics is miserable. In order to test good maths, Sanmao desperately practice after class exercises, six quizzes have got full marks. The teacher suspected Sanmao cheating, called her to the office, threw out a test paper is all the questions, told her to finish, that day she carried back a duck egg.

Every other day, the teacher called Sanmao, said: "Chen Ping classmate like to eat duck eggs, today I asked her to eat two." Then dipped the ink with a brush and drew two large circles around the Sanmao eyes. Ink trickled down her cheeks, like bitter tears, seeping into her mouth. (Recommended reading: Arabic outside the three brushes: women, not just a black robe )

After this incident, Sanmao began to play truant and drilled into the cemetery at the first opportunity: "I was a regular at the cemetery." There is no safer thing to do with the company of the dead, they are very gentle people. "After being hurt by the world, she closed herself, built walls in her heart, and felt completely lonely." Sanmao often in a daze in the cemetery, to the graves of people always said: "People to leave the world when suddenly understand, fame are ephemeral." If I were to live again, I must not be so. 」

Since then, Sanmao has had a new understanding of life:

"A man's life, too short." To live oneself is the most important thing in life. I want to use their own life to work hard, in the days of life to do a sincere person, do not give up the love and dedication to live, in the limited time and space, an unlimited vast days. 」

People have two birthdays: one is the day of the world, the other is the time to find a lifelong love

After school, Sanmao 15 years old, sister birthday, please good friends Chen Yu home play. Chen Yu painted a picture, said the teacher Gu Fuseng teach painting skill first-class, Sanmao moved with Gu Fuseng learn the idea of painting. But Sanmao really did not draw talent, and Gu Fuseng painting for two months, still can't bear to catch a glimpse. Sanmao to Gu said: "I Bukan, can not tired you, later not come!" 」

Gu Fuseng smiled and asked, "What year were you born?" 」
Sanmao replied: "1943 years." 」
Gu Fuseng said: "So small, anxious what?" and asked: "Have you ever tried to write an article?" 」

Sanmao said that he skipped school, not writing articles, the teacher said to write articles and schools irrelevant, from now on to open Sanmao writing opportunities.

One day, Sanmao to the teacher handed a draft, called "confused." Gu Fuseng turned over, didn't say anything, took it. After the completion of the Sanmao that week are not to go to the studio, the face of their own tender words, for fear of teachers feel naïve. And so on, Gu said: "The manuscript is well written, to Pai Xian, one months later published in the" Modern literature. 」

Sanmao recalls, said oneself cannot say a word, just suddenly want to cry out.

There is a saying that there are two birthdays in one's life, one is the day of the world, the other is the day when you find the love of your life. On this day, Sanmao understood what it meant to be his other birthday.

With the publication of the "Confused", Sanmao began to show in the literary arena, the past closed heart because of literature has been redeemed, she found her own weight in the text. Later Sanmao studied philosophy with great concentration. The thought given in philosophy always keeps her thinking about life, "I want to understand what is the value of people and individuals?" "In the reading process, Sanmao found more thinking about the meaning of people, the more understand that they do not want to live a day after day life, do not want to live every day into the shadow of the past, about life she said:

I don't want to be able to look at the end of the life, I want to enjoy life, brave to seek love and freedom.

That love is like Moses in the sea, my life in Split

Think of Sanmao, people always appear in the memory of Love indomitable, in the desert flying sand, brave pursuit, the love stand into the eternal slim figure, alone there is fearless stubborn.

Sanmao and Jose legend love story, in the world's memory echoed, that love like Moses divided the sea, will Sanmao life in Split: Meet Jose before, and meet Jose after.

Pictures | source

Pictures | source

When he was 26 years old, Sanmao met Jose. That year, Sanmao was a junior at the University of Madrid. In Spain, there is a custom, it is Christmas Eve 12 o'clock midnight, everyone will mutual road "peace". This year Christmas Eve, Jose across the 12 O'Clock Midnight Bell, crashed into the Sanmao life. Sanmao See Jose, full-length picture electric shock, but again for their sudden heartbeat confused, across the age of love, can make sense?

After meeting, one day Jose said to Sanmao: "Sanmao, I have six years, I have four years of university to read, two years of military service to serve, six years, I married you." "This is a teenager with the truth of the confession, meet you, I have to want to accompany a lifetime of determination." Sanmao silly, looking at the age gap hard-hearted lie, "six years too long, I can not guarantee anything." I like to be in the class of a male classmate, don't come to haunt me. 」

Jose listened to smile on his face, promised not to Sanmao, turned and ran. While running, turning back, laughing, one side of tears, the mouth read: Sanmao, goodbye. Sanmao, goodbye.

Since then, Jose has never looked for Sanmao.

Wandering in love, Sanmao and Jose after, there have been a few love, but she always thought that there was a boy in the heart, to her promise of six years of the Covenant, and German students, a woman's husband painter's love history, not the beginning of the emotional Ming.

Years later, Sanmao back to Madrid after a round of life experience, and found a job as a primary school teacher to teach English. One day, a friend called: "You hurry to come, I have something important to discuss with you." Sanmao nervously hurried to a friend's house, a friend asked her to close her eyes.

A pair of arms suddenly embraced me from behind. I shuddered, and as I opened my eyes, Jose stood before me, and I screamed with excitement. He took me in circles, and the long skirt flew up, and I screamed and beat him constantly, kissing his face. 」

After the reunion, a Sanmao to Hollywood home to play, found the wall plastered his own photos, the original Jose Sanmao sent to friends photo remake, as a baby, Sanmao not to their own time to send audio, Jose in their own way miss her. Sanmao surprised to say: "You still want to get married?" Didn't you say six years? "Words one exit, Sanmao but can't help crying:

"No, no, no," he said. If we separate the day you insist, I will compromise, I was a good person, come back today, my heart has broken. 」

Jose look into Sanmao's eyes, "broken heart, can glue together." And I still have a heart of gold to do, or we exchange? "Often read Sanmao write this period of years after the encounter, I always feel the same throbbing, two of each other's soul at last crossed the time flow, the impossible, such as possible, put a heart dedicated to a person, even if the last for love black and blue and fearless." (Recommended reading:"single Diary" Love Is like Sanmao, love a person is free )

Enjoy the joy of life, we will not die in heaven

September 30, 1979 Midnight 1, the rapid knock disillusioned Sanmao and Jose to keep his life promise: "Jose died." "The other day, Jose went scuba diving and accidentally drowned. After burying a lover, Sanmao often miss and lotus with the intravenous drip:

There was a time when Jose was out of work and we could only buy the cheapest food every day.

One day out to buy vegetables, I do not know how an oversight, Jose suddenly disappeared. A moment later he came back, holding a lily in his hand, and excitedly handed it to me, saying, "Lily is on the market." I suddenly lost control and shouted to him: "What time Is it?" Do you have the discretion to buy flowers? I snapped the bouquet and threw it on the ground, and I turned and ran. I regretted the moment I was in the lurch.

Looking back, he saw that he was collecting flowers sprinkled on the ground. I ran back and shouted: "Jose, I'm sorry." I jumped up and hugged him, and he put his hand around my back. We looked at each other with red eyes.

Back home, put the lilies in the water bottle, I seem to see the husband's painstaking.

Since then, whenever the lilies bloom, Sanmao will think of Jose Bent to pick up the flower scene: no tears, and my stomach, began to pump pain up. 」

Pictures | source

Pictures | source

This love, like Moses, divides the Sanmao life into two, divided into the encounter with Jose before, and meet Jose after. For Jose, Life has a sanmao, he began to give up the laws of all things must be separated, secretly hope that life can be eternal, even in the most difficult moments, and sanmao together, can smell the flowers.

If one person in this life, may hold your broken heart, with gentle repair, let you understand the broken heart, the original can be a flower for love, the past pain is also worth forgiving; This life if there is a person, willing to accompany you to spend the rest of your life, with endless companionship, let you know what is the years of quiet, what is love in the duty-bound.

Jose is the existence of Sanmao, in love and spirit to accompany her to wander the imagination of freedom, meet Jose after the completion of her love of madness, this life there is a person, and she felt the world of ecstasy every moment, in Sanmao, that is, to a trip to heaven.

True happiness, not ecstasy, nor pain, in my very subjective, it is a long, blue sea without waves, in the crowd to do an ordinary person, enjoy the joy of life, then we, even if not dead, also in heaven.