Interview Dream Etudes consultant Liu Xuan: Love oneself is not self-pity, but the ego ache cherish

Dream Practice, in addition to need time to practice, the process has to go through several times fall.

You fall because you see the dream and the reality, there is still a long gap to cross, you fall, because in the process of struggling to get distracted, pay attention to other people's gossip, you fall, because in the face of unknown fear and uneasiness, let you doubt, lost the momentum of progress.

When the unknown and the challenge becomes the resistance, will we pull toward the place which the dream backs, you have no courage, in the emotion will you drown, the difficulty will you capture, in order to dream bravely stand up, redeem oneself.

in an interview , the Escape Artist founder Brendon and active psychologist Liu Xuan, and we talk about "dream practice".

In the daily life practice experience "out of Nothing", the mind into the actual action of the process, learning to control their own dreams, however, in the end how to consciously recognize their dreams? How do you actively take action when accepting the real ideas in your mind? How to practice the dream in the process, learn to screen the voice of doubt, persistent own beginner's mind?

Interview positive psychologist Liu Xuan, talk with him about how positive psychology helps people face themselves, and in the process of accepting the real self, live a life of ultimate bloom, not white live.

The surreal practice of psychology: What is important is not theory, it is understanding

The Dream Etudes Program invites Liu Xuan to be a consultant, and in the course of the participants ' practice of painting, will also lead them to talk to themselves through the monthly theme questions, and I am curious to ask Liu Xuan, what is the change in the way that "positive psychology" is to everyone in their quest for a dream?

Liu Xuan first A burst of silence, look in front of the eyes turn back, focus on me and then slowly open, "I think psychology is so, we talk about psychology is not really the blunt theory of psychological teaching, frankly, you do not need to know the stiff things, but you need to know some" principles. "The so-called Master to lead the door, practice in the individual, understanding psychology is for you to chisel open a small hole to know yourself, but how to excavate the past and their own dialogue, we have to through the practice, step-by-step."

"The best way to understand the principle is to realize that each of us will be affected by our own mental state, but rarely do we really calm down to see what this effect will be until psychology, like a personal trainer, tells you to feel here and try to maintain that muscle group before you know how to understand and learn to perceive yourself and feel your heart. So when we design a series of activity scenarios or problems, we want to put forward some exercises that you don't normally think about, get out of the picture, or even get surreal. "By transcending everyday logic, you may be able to subvert yourself in a problem."

In the past, "dream Etudes" let participants from the thinking of the day about the emotions of the four things, to invite students to recall, life most want to thank the people. In the noisy routine of being overwhelmed, these problems never happen in your head for no reason, and you don't give a blank time to talk to your life experience. (Recommended reading: Six questions about me: self-identification, a lifetime journey )

These surreal questions, for Liu Xuan, work with the trainees to find practical experiences in real life, "when you sit down and ask questions you haven't thought of in some way, practice, and because you ask yourself this question, this conversation, you start to have some ideas, you understand and perceive them step-by-step, It turns out that the world I experience, the way I react to everything, and even my personality, comes from my past, with what I believe in the present and the future. 」

As we slowly begin to discover this, to understand ourselves in the past, to live in the present, and to look forward to the future, you feel freer, and this freedom will grow into what it will be. You have to explore it yourself, you can shape it yourself.

Positive psychology is not an optimist: using science to study a blooming life

The Dream Etudes helps participants practice their dreams through drawing and positive psychology, and you may wonder: Why is positive psychology important? I asked Liu Xuan to share with us the positive psychology he knew with three key words.

When he heard the question, he shouted hard, such a broad psychological knowledge, how to use three key words to explain? After thinking aloud in English, he tilted his head for three seconds and popped out the first answer.

The first one should be said: Science.

The most obvious distinction between positive psychology and those secrets and the law of Attraction is that psychology is a social science.

So when we are studying psychology, we have cases and clinical figures, and we see the clue behind the figures.

This is not the same as the market for intelligent aunts, you say they do not have intelligence? No, they are smart, but their intelligence comes from experience, because they experience a lot and see a lot and can give you some advice.

But what we see in psychology is doing is trying to find out the real reason behind every act of man.

If you can understand the real reason behind each person's behavior, then this can be first, and if you know yourself, it can make you more comfortable and thorough, and you may be more forgiving if you understand others.

Perhaps in a family, we often quarrel, for some small problem noisy seven meat eight, but everyone's heart is actually good, and want things may be the same, just communication and personality differences, let these trivial things affect everyone.

The second one: positive

This side of the positive, it is "proactive", that is, it has action, there is a direct attitude to face.

When things happen we are not when it does not happen, and will not escape, in fact, many of our behavior around us because we do not want to face something, such as procrastination is a very typical example.

So the positive meaning is: you have to face it.

Positive psychology is not a kind of optimist, it is often more direct, it wants us to face the difficulties of the heart, of course not at the beginning you can do, I believe that many of the changes from the practice, often from the beginning of the time you have to give him a very small things, little by bit to realize the change.

The third one: Bloom

I want to apply the words of the father of psychology, Dr. Seligman, who defined positive psychology in this way: to study a blooming life in a scientific way.

The word "bloom" is poetic, but you can imagine what a blooming life would be like.

It is different from many it's not flat, but it's an effort to bloom, like a flower can be very humble, but it still strives to bloom, imagine how a person from bud to bloom, really inspire its potential, understand themselves, this is a great process.

In this society, even if only 10% or 20 of the people from the bud to reach the blooming life, our society can be different.

Thank you for your question, I have never thought of it this way before.

Racked his brains to answer the question about "positive psychology three key words" after questioning, Liu Xuan a good freshman tone, straight to me, said: "Thank you for your questions, I really did not think how to use three keywords to explain positive psychology."

I smiled back, it's like you give the dream to the participants of the surreal question! It is always necessary for someone to throw out a question that they have not thought about, and we will talk to ourselves in the process of thinking, perhaps by accidentally digging out a satisfying answer.

I think the process is similar to practicing positive psychology, and we understand the importance of taking action and accepting the truth, and starting to think about what kind of life we want to live in. What level of life is full of fun and bloom? How to face setbacks actively, every bit of practice have courage, and this courage comes from your desire to change, you want to meet new yourself, you are willing to practice, step by step love yourself. (Recommended reading:525 I love my free section straight hit: Love their own five keywords, you will always be your own full version )

Self-pity exercises: I love you, because it is true of you

From having the courage to act, I spoke with Liu Xuan about the desire behind us to change, and this step-by-step practice of loving ourselves may be difficult, but we can extend it from positive psychology: To love ourselves is to begin by accepting the real self and practicing our own pain.

"Love myself, I think there is a very important point to talk about, is" ego compassion "(self). This is a very important concept in positive psychology, self-pain (self compassion) and self-pity (self-pity) is not the same, many people will think that their own pain is to think that their own bad, he is a poor worm, no, that is self-pity is not self-pity. "Practice is not to blame yourself or get into a pessimistic self-pity since it is difficult, but we can from the jump self practice," self-pity is, when you can jump open yourself, look at yourself, imagine that you have a heart that loves you most, can accept you, can hug and urge your coach or teacher, imagine you are this person, when you face setbacks, You try to think, what will this man say to you? 」

When we jump off our positions and emotions, and try to care for ourselves with the other person's point of view, you will find that there are many places in your ego that need to accept imperfections, but this acceptance is to embrace the real self from the heart, and to talk to yourself in a neutral way. (Recommended reading: self-disgust is the source of your unhappiness!) Satisfaction with oneself is a kind of ability )

Self-ache inside, there is quite a lot of acceptance, but this acceptance is not indulgent: I accept you are so, I love you, but I also know that you can do better.

Liu Xuan when talking about self-pity practice, many people in the face of failure or do not perfect in one thing, they think should be harsh accusation, accurate review to correct themselves, but for positive psychology, people face the basic psychological state of reproach is, there is reproach, we will subconsciously want to escape, to avoid their own voice, It also avoids other people's voices and even hates the scenes that make those sounds appear.

"In this state of mind, there will be all kinds of fear and fear, to overcome this situation, but the first thing, you have to accept yourself, which allows you to have the courage to face yourself, but also when we talk about love ourselves will be mentioned, from the psychological level of love ourselves, including love their own imperfect, nor poor, It is not a reason, but a true acceptance of your present state. 」

"In fact, it takes a bit of courage to accept that." 」

It's hard to accept that you're always making mistakes, trying to take off and sprawling yourself, and it's hard to accept that you're a bit pessimistic and always demeaning yourself, and that it's hard to accept that you're not living your dreams.

It's never easy to love yourself, but I hope we can practice the courage to try before denying ourselves.

Practice seeing your weakness and weakness, and still open your hands to challenge baptism, practise embracing your true self, seeing imperfections, and learning to live with fear and insecurity; practice taking action, take the first step of change, and find the definition of your courage.

This year I love I have the courage of the day, we practice together to say to ourselves: I love you, because this is the real you, because I know you very hard, because after this day, we again toward the appearance of our desire to become a little bit.