"Sex Watch" from three to hate female vendetta, watch Taiwan society's horror lover phenomenon

Recently, Taipei has two consecutive "Qingsha case", today, Pingdong also a man for his wife, strangled after the former wife after holding knife suicide.

The first case was a boxing coach surnamed Zhu who killed his girlfriend. Two people in the online understanding, contacts, the man emotional instability, easy because Cing to her big temper, also suspected that the woman split leg, the woman had in dialogue with Zhu Nan, mentioned that they want to be loved, but feel that they are dirty, dare not extravagant. In order to maintain the feelings, the woman even arranged for her boyfriend to meet with their own meals, the same afternoon two people returned to the house, the woman was killed by the man.

Zhu Nan, who has killed his girlfriend, posted an online posting on 26th, saying the woman cheated him and was still a virgin, and he did not want to continue.

The second case was the man surnamed Liao who planned to kill the live ex-girlfriend. Liao Nan Readme for his girlfriend pay a lot, girlfriend did not have enough response; the woman relatives and friends said that the man has a tendency to violence, has tried to limit his girlfriend to make money, after the breakup also constantly entangled.

In the third case, the man hopes to compound with his ex-wife, the woman does not want to, he killed his ex-wife suicide.

Within a week, there were three consecutive cases of male killings of current or former female partners. Most of the news is named "Qingsha" in such cases, although this kind of naming is convenient to classify, it is also easy to make people think that the cause of the event is only "by Love and Hate", however, these three consecutive cases of heterosexual sex men killing female companions, in fact, even more revealing the so-called Qingsha, not just " Emotional "(emotional) problem, but also" gender "(gendered) problem.

Words are more than words: how do people shirking to hate women for revenge?

In the news boom, yesterday evening, Zhang Fei, the Big brother, said, "the woman herself is responsible", and alluding to the internet dating women have problems. Poet Chen Khawa also said in the personal community that so many women were killed, possibly because "many girls now aspire to be prostitutes."

At the same time, the big network message board also can be seen many netizens to the first event of the commentary, not only Zhang Fei so, many kinds of sex netizens, accusing the woman "knowledge of people not clear" network dating affirmation of their own problems, "people handsome more gold is dizzy" and so on. The human life feather, does not matter, casually throws a sentence, gives the already dead woman to throw a slap again.

A society rich in sexual assault and intimate violence has always had a clear attribute: The victim of blame.

Compared with the careful tracing of the cause of the incident, compared to the review of what social structure makes the male sex more than the female, more prone to violence when intimacy is frustrated, people are more likely to blame the victim than to think about how to prevent society from producing the next offender, and it must be that the victim did something wrong or did not do enough to make it happen.

"Wear too little, too dirty or where there are problems, people will be sexually abused," "must be done something wrong, the other party will lose control to beat you", "is you too stupid, do not know how to protect themselves, such events will occur." "The incident happened, people blindfolded to tell themselves that she did wrong to provoke such consequences, will not make those wrong I will not be, the ostrich mentality can make their quick peace of mind."

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The target is their ex-boyfriend, but, look at you a word I speak of "she is also wrong", everyone in fact holding a knife, to the victim's body and another knife.

Such an environment is so easy and convenient for the perpetrator that it is almost a matter of intimate violence and the whole community will cover for him because that woman has a problem. At the same time, the habit of blaming the victims has been to keep the victim silenced and imprisoned in dangerous intimate violence.

It is thought that there are only a few cases in the news, but the data show that this is not the case, and the proportion of women who have experienced intimate violence is even scarier.

Data show you: Intimate relationship violence, more frequent than imagined

Intimate violence is not the original sin of men, and it is clear from the data that this is not only a matter of violence, but also of gender.

According to the latest statistics of the Department of Health and Welfare of the Executive Yuan: 105 years of Taiwan women suffer from intimate Relationship violence statistics survey, the sex of the perpetrator, 98.9% is male, 1.1% is female.

The types of intimate violence are not only physical violence, but also mental violence (degrading the woman's personality, threatening suicide), stalking and harassment, economic violence (restricting economic freedom), sexual violence.

About 21% of Taiwanese women experience emotional violence at least once in their lives;
3% of Taiwanese women have experienced companion stalking;
6% of Taiwanese women have experienced economic violence in intimate relationships;
8% of Taiwanese women have been subjected to intimate physical violence;
4 per cent of Taiwanese women have experienced sexual violence in intimate relationships.

In other words, among the women we know, there must be someone who is, or has, been subjected to intimate violence.

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Many victims are staying in a violent intimate relationship, it is because of helplessness, for example, that the victim is not around enough to make her feel secure for help or the environment, or because she also believes in the social responsibility for the victim, she believes that she must have something wrong, so she has to be treated like this.

The more society says to the female victim, "you also have a responsibility." "is to push them into a dangerous environment where they are afraid to ask for help."

To stop blaming the victims is the first step in creating a safe environment. If someone around you is in a violent relationship, help her find resources and ask for help. In addition to Taiwan's 24-hour maternity and child protection line 113, the partner of the "Modern Women's foundation", which works with women fans to resolve gender violence, provides victim support services, from legal services, security plans, to consultative media.

The people who can help are actually more than they think.

Love and intimacy should not be possession: emotional education in absence and gender education

Every occurrence of such an event, we always have to go back to talk about the importance of emotional education. However, emotional education and gender education, in fact, it is difficult to open their own talk, because every time we look back at boys and girls of different gender temperament education and emotional formation, the answer is clear.

Society encourages boys to adhere to the rules of the macho game, masculinity is a collection of points: emphasis on dominance rather than obedience, on tough demands rather than on moderate bargaining (otherwise considered to be a sissy), and even in certain situations (such as the Army) or popular text (the scene of a duel in the film), is praised for the violent resolution of the problem.

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Comparatively speaking, women are set to be feminine, submissive and gentle. In the intimate relationship of sex, the woman should obey, act according to the expectations of the other, and be willing to pay attention. If you love enough, you will be willing to give your emotions and sex, and you will leave your first sexual experience to each other. The woman's "devotion" and the man's "possession" also become the potential default of heterosexual intimacy.

This is why emotional education and gender education are integral reasons. The patriarchal society's imagination of intimate relations is not based on the "two free and independent subject, in the case of maintaining self, the development of emotional links", but based on "ownership" and "Transaction" imagination.

The most frequently discussed "virginity expectation" and "Virgo complex" in intimate relationships can be seen as a misunderstanding of intimacy and the materialization of the female body. And, the Virgo plot affects not only men, but also women, in front of their male partners, the girl may feel guilty, my first time is not to him, for him, I may be dirty. However, there is no equal expectation for boys.

On the contrary, men are broken and have a positive meaning. Society regards men as the subject of sex, women as the object of sex, has rich experience, can add points for masculine temperament, relatively, "virgin" also became a stigma label, oppression of men.

On the other hand, if a girlfriend does not give herself the first time, he may also be pressured and ridiculed by the traditional masculine culture: what you get is an incomplete "thing" that you value is used and you are fooled.

The Virgo complex shows how the society regards intimacy as a "transaction", and the first unopened "sex" is the most qualified to be cherished and cared for by heterosexual men. The Virgo episode and Virginity View "first" as the highest value of sexual and intimate relationships, rather than intimacy and linking in sexual or intimate relationships.

The true meaning of intimacy is that two free and independent individuals, at some point in time, choose each other and voluntarily establish a link. Even exclusive, unipolar intimacy doesn't mean you have another person.

Love is not ownership. Love is that I do not own you, you do not have me, but we choose to support each other, to accompany each other to walk a certain way.

Love is about respect, love is to let each other's soul feel free, love is not control and possession, also not wronged and obedient. There are probably too many misconceptions about sex and intimacy in Taiwanese society.

Photo source |pexels