Have you ever said "feminist buffet" to the "gender quiz"?

In the May, women fans began recruiting for gender questions, and received many questions from readers. From June onwards, we will respond to the enthusiastic questions of our readers in the rhythm of the double Monday question.

No problem will be stupid question, the woman fan's answer, will not be the only or "the most positive solution", we try to provide women fans current thinking (yes, no fault, we are also learning, also hope to gradually optimize, better). Therefore, we also welcome all to discuss together. If you have any questions about sex, welcome to the end of the page to fill out a list, to fill out questions:

Next, let's start with the gender question book One: "is the feminist buffet a fact, or a malicious word?" 」

Is the feminist buffet a fact, or is it a malicious word?

Reader Peichun questions: "Recently, I often hear the male friends around said that they can not accept the" Women's Rights Buffet ", I do not know why I feel such a harsh language, I would like to ask you about the" feminist buffet "the term of the view: The feminist buffet is a fact, or a malicious targeted vocabulary? 」

This is a great question! First invite readers who may not have heard of the "feminist buffet" to understand what the "feminist buffet" usually means.

What does the feminist buffet mean?

In fact, each person using the "feminist buffet" discourse situation is different, it is difficult to generalize whether everyone is talking about "feminist buffet" refers to the same concept. But generally speaking, most use situations refer to "Women use affirmative discourse, take advantage of their own parts, rather than assume the corresponding obligations."

Photo source |pexels

The interesting thing is that feminism, gender equality, in fact, for different gender, sexual orientation and gender temperament of the ethnic groups to fight for rights, such as gender equality not only for women's equality, but also strive for lgbtq+ equality, male equality (such as men should also have maternity leave, should not be oppressed by the masculine temperament), for gender equality education, The hope from the educational environment, reduce gender temperament does not conform to stereotype sex impression bullying events, such as ridicule "sissy" and so on.

However, why only the word "Women's rights buffet", but not the "male buffet", "Gay Buffet", "feminine temperament buffet" and so on vocabulary? We can also think about why women's rights are singled out as the target of accusations when affirmative action is universal and all genders are available. I think that is why readers Peichun to hear the word "feminist buffet", faint sense of pertinence.

But why should it be targeted at women? In this case, don't rush to blame those who say these words, inviting us to have three minutes of transposition thinking, experience some young generation of male and female, may be experiencing the pressure.

Why the word "feminist Buffet" is produced

Over the past few years, Taiwan's younger generation has become more involved in social issues, acknowledging and actively practising the values of democracy, openness, fairness and justice, including the pursuit of gender equality. However, in the process of promoting other gender rights, some men think that their situation has not been alleviated.

Feminists have observed how patriarchal societies measure the success of a man, often narrowly and with oppressive nature. For example, the patriarchal society expects that a good man must have masculine manhood, be strong, not weak, to know how to suppress emotions (men have tears do not light bombs); he must have (at least) a good woman (yes, the patriarchal society expects all men to be straight) , he must be a capable breadwinner (breadwinner), must be able to financially support family expenses, to fight outside the home and not to take care of his family.

Photo source |pexels

But at the same time, the problem of youth poverty in Taiwan is becoming more and more serious, the wealth of generations is badly distributed, the class flow is becoming more and more difficult, the poor are poorer, the rich are richer, the middle class is disappearing rapidly, and the young people are experiencing strong economic pressure. Becoming a "capable breadwinner" (breadwinner) is becoming increasingly difficult. On the other hand, the tense sense of being trapped in the current wage class is becoming stronger.

Whether to be a breadwinner or to have a good woman is a patriarchal society's expectation and demand for men, and when the social environment changes: the problem of youth poverty becomes more serious, and the traditional intimate relationship experiences changes, "it is difficult to be a breadwinner and have difficulty in" owning " A woman "It's easy for some men to turn into self-identity anxiety and need an outlet to fight these patriarchal values, but don't know what to do."

These stressors may come from his family, friends, peers, partners, and anyone who may imply that "the good man = the ability to support the Family = have a good companion".

In other words, there are different relationships, people of different genders, including their peers, friends and parents, who are hinting at these men. But if there is no way to think about the root causes of the problem from the social and economic structure, but also desperately need a relatively direct intuitive, less costly emotional exports, which group is the least cost of venting? Cross-regional, transnational, cross-cultural, that group is easy to be female.

Even so, we're not going to say "male-right buffet."

Comparatively speaking, the patriarchal society to the female role's anticipation, also has a set of model.

A good woman, she must be gentle, willing to sacrifice herself to take care of others; she must find a good family to marry (think of society's ridicule and blame for unmarried/divorced/divorced women) for life. The traditional patriarchal society, "male and female outside the main" of the gender division of the imagination, also makes some women in the marriage before the choice, look forward to or ask the future partner to have financial care ability.

Women are expected to take responsibility for family care, whether or not she earns a living, takes care of her husband, children, in-laws, and is taken for granted.

While some women take up the responsibility of economic care, are their male partners also relatively responsible for the family care?

If the "Feminist buffet" to form a more aggressive discussion, in fact, is the opposite: why there is no "male buffet" vocabulary?

When women are expected to take care of the family for a long time, to support the career development of men, the society requires her to have children, the government and enterprises do not give enough maternity leave (or the workplace discrimination of pregnant women). Modern society requires women to bear equal burden of economic pressure (however, there is still work in the workplace unequal pay problem), after the birth to quickly resume their jobs, family care responsibility still falls on women, the day after the company class, the evening to return to the second class, care for the husband, care for children.

According to the latest data from the Executive Yuan, women spend more than three hours a day on housework, which is average. However, fewer women will be collectively pointed to the male nose, said men are "male-rights buffet." Why not? That's because it doesn't help the real situation at all. Not only men are affected by traditional gender values, but also women, and all genders are actually grown under the same set of gender values, and gender equality is bound to be a continuous learning process.

Women do not use the army, is the feminist buffet evidence?

Women in the feminist buffet often mention that true equality is a woman also a soldier, but, "the politics of wearing skirts/defend the country, the state is doomed!" "The speech also coexists in the society, the army to the masculine breath and the culture worship, really still unbreakable." (Recommended reading:"Gender Watch" 6,000 people seconded, why women do not use the army? )

However, we must pay attention to the particularity of Taiwan's "conscription system". "Conscription" means that the state forcibly forces men to become killing machines on the battlefield. Forced conscription in the military service Law also means that men have no choice but to face the power of the state. Not all men are involved in the legislative process.

Therefore, we should think about why we should "force" men to be soldiers instead of forcing women to join the army.

To find out more about the topic, also recommend reading male emancipation: Rethinking the "Feminist Buffet" from the Clinton saga, and the article by the woman fan author Fan Why does the country want us to be soldiers? "Women in Service" is a key issue in the discussion .

As society progresses, different individuals have different rates of assimilation of affirmative ideas

The concept of gender equality is gradually landing in the society, different individuals, are gradually understanding the concept of equality, but also explore their own practice.

These individuals, from different growth backgrounds, educational environment, economic conditions, social class, each person's pace and direction, are also different.

Some men, women and people of all sexes, who go very far ahead, have got up and rolled up their sleeves, and have done a lot of hard work and real practice in order to be equal. Some shun sex women, men and a variety of gender, while digesting the traditional patriarchal society, the value of the imagination, while in the gradually affirmative society, explore their own way of life and strategy, and choose a path to their least resistance.

People of different classes, genders, races, in fact, are in the choice of the rights given by the society, on the responsibility, we must start from their own training and expectations.

Often said, talk about gender equality, talk about revolution, in fact, not necessarily a large exposition, you can first think about how to change themselves from daily life. The truth is how hard it is to change yourself, and how hard it is to change the world.

Feminism and gender equality have always been more than just a gender issue, and not just a gender effort. (Extended reading:Beautiful man| Why Benedict come forward: I refuse to perform if I am paid differently from the actress)

If you feel that the "women's rights Buffet," If you hope that a female friend can negotiate AA system, if you want to share some of the pressure of female partners, in fact, can communicate directly with each other. The "Women's rights buffet" hat does not help solve the problem, transposition thinking, if today's girlfriend want to communicate one thing, but use the "male-right Buffet", how to feel?

Practice of communicating sentence patterns

If you feel that you are pursuing equality, but you are still bound by traditional values or expectations in your daily practice, you may also be able to try to sue your partner. The following are the first examples of heterosexual partner situational assumptions:

The man's sentence pattern may be: "I actually hope to be able to share, because I am also subject to some traditional kidnapping/some pressure on ___/hope to save to do ____, but I also worry that if I do not do this, you will think I am not good enough, not enough man." I say this, does not mean that I do not care or do not want to take care of you, but sometimes, there is no possibility that we find a common way to make each other more comfortable? 」

The woman's sentence pattern, may be: "I know I should share, but I am in fact also subject to some traditional kidnapping/I have some pressure on ___ to save to do ___, I do not want to make you feel uncomfortable, is there any chance that we can find a way to make each other more comfortable?" 」

The two sides can even negotiate, not necessarily every trip to eat is a rigid AA system, there is no possibility, this time I pay, the next time you? Or if we all have financial pressure, is it possible that we should all not endure, but together to find out some not root in the money consumption on the shared time model?

This path of communication is not easy, involves weakness, may have friction, also takes time. But it's the best way to do it for each other than to be wronged and complaining. We live in a patriarchal society, grew up with a stereotype of gender education, change is really difficult, it is not likely to be an instant thing, but it is absolutely possible also worth looking forward to, we must practice a little more patience, give each other a little more time and space change, when the other side performance than expectations, don't rush to nail each other in a volume label.

All of the above exercises are also the lessons I give to myself.

When you can't understand each other, you can start by asking questions, understand the other person's thinking, understand the pressure behind this idea, and imagine "if I'm in this gender position, what's the difficulty I might have," and don't be afraid to tell each other what your difficulties are. When we gradually understand each other's situation, we will find that there is no need to tie a "feminist buffet" or "male-right Buffet" scarecrow to fight.

The reader of the question, Peichun, also has great thoughts about this issue, and here it is shared: "Feminism or gender equality is expected to see equal, is the gender is no longer subject to the traditional gender division of the" obligation "bondage, but can freely choose, communicate an acceptable pattern of division of labor. 」

Empathy and transposition thinking will let us find that we are not the only people in the predicament, and you think that the enemy, in fact, and you also have similarities, which will give you more understanding of the world, become more sympathetic to the ability of people, and even found that they actually have the power to help others, can do more for the community.

For gender issues, feminism, there are any questions or want to discuss the place, welcome to the following list of questions, women fans editor to ask questions. Each month we will talk about questions, and try to provide you with the thoughts of women fans:

Let the gender controversy be communicated and understood, is the media environment that the female fan wants to provide.

We know that many people around the world have a personal feeling about gender issues, no matter gender temperament, gender identity or sexual orientation, are thinking about how to act. It is difficult to communicate because of gender, gender equality is very far, gender initiative is very hard, so we have to go together.

Women are obsessed with this year, launch a "partner Program", invite you to do something more, join in the "partner Program" believe that a person can not do, a group of people, we can promote the impact of gender action is unlimited, will be able to reach more and more widely farther.

▍ know more, please have a companion plan .