June Sex interview, visit the Wild Child body troupe head Yiushangde, listen to him tell the story, just understand the label can also be transformed into strength.
If the network searches "Yiushangde", will see several key words: the wild Child Body theater Head, the professional pantomime actor, childhood sexual assault survivor.
The above three identities and stories, the print media have had many reports. "The Wild Child Limb Theater" new book "The Lady of the Flowers" June in the performance, explores the trans-gender issue, we proposed the interview invitation, visits the outline to ask a question: childhood sexual assault becomes one of your key words, will worry about the future is difficult to return to the new book itself?
In Taiwan, there are fewer people who openly sexually abused their survivors, especially when male victims appear. What is needed is not just courage, but something else.
In the hot afternoon of May, we are about in the women's paradise, Yiushangde come early, than the scheduled time ahead of 20 minutes, he was big, wearing a dark blue linen jacket, step on the light white floor, the existence of a sense. Every night, he takes an actor to rehearse the French writer's work "The Mother of Flowers", the body over the chaos of the desire to review and deep, and then to discipline coagulation into a performance. The wild, the disciplined, the energetic, was my first Yiushangde impression.
However, he is even softer. The interview began with a demonstration of mime performance, such as a go-between, his body as the flow of relaxation, while explaining, "mime between dance and realism performance, there is not necessarily a story arrangement, it deliberately retains ambiguity and imagination." "Not black or white, two of dollars between the color spectrum wider." Now he is ready to talk about him, and their stories, beyond the black and white poles.
Start from the chaos.
"The trauma of childhood, to my four years in the University of Chiang Kai-shek, has largely been forgotten." "Yiushangde lightly said. "I often feel that there is a mechanism in the body that puts your body at the bottom of your mind and presses on the underlying memory," he said. But did you really forget? It has been inside your life and your body, and your personality and personality are actually different. 」
Two years after he graduated from college, he went to the third university in Paris to study drama, and in the distance of language estrangement, he could not even express himself, so he had not counted, knocked over again, like a life from zero. Also at this time, is covered up on the float up.
That night, he was lying in the attic of the apartment in Paris, the maid's house had a nightmare, scared to wake up, just remember the 12-Year-old summer, he was in the new Park Pavilion shelter from the rain, the old man brought home to drink hot soup after fainted. In the dream, all the details came to the surface, including the damp smell of the house, including what the old man did to him. "I saw in my dream that there was another old man behind the old man." He thought, in fact, there were two people standing there that day.
"I woke up, sweaty and full of tears, wondering how I might have let a thing that was horrible at the time, followed me so long, and crossed the strait." When I came to Paris, the past was chopped off, and this thing was still entrenched there. 」
He began to look back on the incident after six years of high school, four years of university and Taiwan work for two years, "found that it actually makes me have a great fear of the crowd, I slowly to live as a, marginal people." But the marginal man was not excluded, but felt ineligible to live among the masses. 」
That night, the incident first floated on the memory table. But the real deal was in Paris for the last two years, and he saw a large number of psychiatrists and psychiatrists, and even spiritual therapy. It seems like the first time that you have the ability to handle trauma. "I was trying to root out this thing," he said. But now I look back at the situation at that time, will feel the force too fiercely. "Is there any use?" He said he could not say there, nor could he say no, "I would say that it offers an outlet for me now." Yiushangde looked back at his situation.
Heal your wounds, you have energy.
30 years old from France to Taiwan, Yiushangde began in the form of body pantomime, in the small theater performance. In 07, 08, and 09, he did a lot of research into the drama of war violence, "in fact, there is a point for the new words strong worry, but also with their own not very personal relevance." Frankly speaking, he encountered bottlenecks in his creation, the economy also encountered difficulties, borrowed a lot of money, life fell apart.
"At that time, I thought, how can I make my life like this, this time, childhood things come out again, I think will not all the key is that thing?" "Yiushangde is a reflection, he thought of the reason, of course, is not absolutely childhood sexual assault, but for himself, as if to find something that can be called as the root of the problem." "Then I thought, since there is a problem that can be dealt with first, then I will deal with it." 」
So he created "children", the deep years of the sexual invasion of the shadow into a stage play. Also hope that through a play, invite friends and relatives, from their body to receive the support of the soul.
"I remember the first version, when the script came out, there were two pages of A4 length monologue, always cursing the old man, putting all the words that thought nasty." The first rehearsal, I read the two pages, very weak, tired, you know that the energy is completely out of the. Design a listen, he said Suntech, this may not be the best direction, I realized that I take this as revenge way, not through digestion. 」
In order to make the play, he had to digest the emotions, clear the emotional roots, that year he was on the stage side of the monologue and Trembling, said: "Think about it, perhaps you want to forgive is not the person who violated you, you have to forgive your parents." What's your relationship with your parents? Maybe you subconsciously blame your parents, they don't take care of you, that's what happens that day, so you start to completely shut them out. 」
But until now, he didn't think the final version was the best. Speaking of which, Yiushangde has a long and long pause, "How to say?" Say, it has been with my personality and personality twisted together, basically have no way to remove it from my life. 」
Now he looks back at "children" and thinks the most important value is to learn to stand on another point and go back to the whole thing. "We often want to solve the problem, but sometimes the problem is not solved, the problem is to" see ", but how do you look at the problem, it is sometimes more important than you want to solve the problem. 」
Another point of view, is an important axis in his later years to see things. From the Paris period to "uproot" the impact of sexual assault, to go back to Taiwan to face anger, accept and the emotional coexistence of events. Acting as a play also enabled him to pull out a distance and look after the whole thing. "This is the first time I've looked at my own problems and tried to deal with it," the child is not a salvation, it may be healing, but there is no more to say. But at least in the 2009 and 2010, it really became my anchor and helped me stabilize. 」
Seeing himself in events and moods, and seeing the heaven and earth of emotional causes, he began to see the world outside of himself, the real world, as the drama became public.
"I ... after one day I finished, there was a freshman in Taiwan who said he wanted to hug me." "Yiushangde to make a warm hug posture," I gave him a big hug so, when he hugged, he whispered in my ear, thank you, you also told my story. 」
A hug, very shocking, "met him, I really took this world so many sexual assault cases, with my own made a link." From that moment on, I really know, he's not the only victim. ⋯⋯"He took a deep breath," when you set yourself as the only victim, it is easy to be in the emotional, the vortex of the mood to eat you, will nourish you drowning in it, do not want to break, later I found that for themselves, In fact, is very internal friction mode of thinking. 」
Sexual assault survivors are not ashamed of the label
Society has a vicitm stereotype of survivors, which may hold him at the same time. In addition, the sexual taboo form, also makes the society easy to bet a lot of misunderstanding vision. For many people, carrying the victim's label, as well as adding to the misunderstanding of the imagination, is hard work is also heavy.
Now, Yiushangde also not only represent himself, he is the founder and leader of the Wild Children's Theater, will the label bear a burden on him? I'm also worried about doing this interview.
Experience trauma, survival and bring strength to others, scars in a different angle is also the exploits and crowns, but this argument, may also appear too light and sentimental. I asked him what he thought of the impact of sexually abused survivors on the performance cause.
"In fact, I have been worried. "Although there is this problem in the interview, but compared to the previous visit, Yiushangde is still a little tense," the work partner will remind me to be careful, "do not every time Google your name before the several are related to sexual assault, have a son full of distress, but also do not know what way to avoid, even if I do not speak, It's still going to be directed over there. 」
"Then one day I thought to myself, these so-called labels, it ... don't stop me from doing what I want to do." "Here, his expression slowly, loosened down," everyone put the sexual assault on me, but it has never hindered me to do such as rural children's education. So if I don't feel affected by the label myself, it won't affect me. 」
"But it is true that in objective reality, the report may continue to lead to sexual assault, then I think ⋯⋯" Yiushangde accustomed to cross-examination, said here, he has a long breath, looking out of the window under the viaduct traffic. " "I'm not a celebrity, Super Star, and in many places people don't know who I am." If today is Super Star, this label really affects a lot, may go to where people will be pointing point, this is my choice of pantomime so small public performance art form. 」
Do you want to run away? I choose to use
Another reason for Yiushangde to avoid talking about the identity of sexually abused survivors is that he began to have a "must-speak" sense of responsibility from the accidental experience of a campus lecture at the Cloud Gate Rover.
"The first two years of the tour, the sharing of content was all" mime Escape "story, until once, I was in a woman, I do not know why suddenly, I mentioned the incident of childhood. "After that, he received a lot of notes," there are two or three of them, and told me they are victims of sexual assault. He said, his voice narrowed, and I saw him shaking his hand with a note.
"Seeing these notes, I was all, petrified. It never occurred to me that the situation would continue. Yiushangde thought, these female student is braver than him, oneself want 20 or 30 years to dare to tell the matter, these students and he had not met, also have the courage to write on the note to him.
"Are they seeking bosom friends?" Or some kind of distress signal? I don't know, but I'll talk about it in my school speech later. After speaking, I will tell you that the clown does not cry face book page, if there is anything to say to me, you can leave a message to me, I received a lot of messages, are such a son. "Here, his eyes are a little red, and so am I."
He thought about it and shared a story with me, "Once I went to a high school speech, in the process of a country one of the boys, listen to have been crying, crying for five or six minutes later, the teacher took him out, the latter half of his actually did not hear, he came in, I have finished speaking. I have to go, he came over to ask, teacher, you can stay for 10 minutes? I want to chat with you, I said yes, he is a little taboo, that we can go to a far away place. 」
They stood a little distance from the lecture hall, and the boy told him of his experience of being sexually abused by his father and brother from primary school. Speaking of this, Yiushangde has been able to shed tears, "I heard my whole ⋯⋯" he suddenly appear a little weak, and then think of himself is no longer the helpless little boy, is can assist the adult, he adjusted into a more gentle tone, "I asked him, you have to respond to the teacher? He told me that in primary school there was a tutor reaction, but the class teacher called his father directly to inquire about the matter? And you know that something scarier is going to happen. He went back and was beaten again, and the same night his father raped him again. Once two times, he was no longer trusting in the mechanism of the school. 」
"Do you know how painful that heart is?" Yiushangde's facial features twisted together, tears still flow. "I asked him," Does this matter continue to happen? He said, yes, I do not know how to do, I said, do you now the teacher know? He said he did not dare to say. "The boy's teacher knows the family has a situation, but specifically do not know what events, home visits, parents will change a face."
"He told me that I realized I was still helpless." Now I tell him, you ah, you are braver than me, dare at this age, face me this stranger, just listen to me a few words, came running to tell me this whole thing, this is really very brave. 」
"However, it may be necessary to step up the next step more bravely." The boy asked, "How can I go?"
Yiushangde said he would talk to the teacher if he was willing to believe him. The male student froze for a moment. "The reason for telling your teacher is that I have heard this, but it is a continuing crime and it is impossible not to do any action to stop it." If you believe me, I will talk about it very carefully, will tell you all your concerns, and ask him to deal with it in the most prudent way. "Then the male student said," Well, he's willing to try. Yiushangde and class tutor long talk, please teachers must follow the normal procedures, and then the teacher to deal with properly, students are also by social work groups of good placement.
"So, yes, I certainly have this label posted there, but this label is not there to keep me away, to make me ashamed of anything." I think there may be other ways to make good use of it. A very warm remark, he said plain. It's not a slogan, there's no ego shouting, I know, he does live that way.
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At the moment, receiving Content partner news, the star people take a step, in their own social media announced that they are childhood sexual assault survivors. As a network celebrity, she may be under great pressure, it is a great determination, but also a lot of courage and strength, woman fans want to help create a more gentle environment, at this moment, we must be gentle and good to everyone around us.