100 Shapes of Love | Interview xiaoding and Ray: People say I tt love, in fact, I just like you

The 20 anniversary of the gay consultation hotline, from the age of the Internet is not universal to today, seven o'clock to 10 in the evening, 1456 days a week, stillness time, always have a hand gently pick up the phone on the other end of the heart of the call, those who do not know how to be good, indescribable, unspeakable, in the phone this one is carefully put, gentle placement.

Longer than 20 years, the hotline has been extended from a telephone line to a gay support network that serves the disadvantaged ethnic groups. The two-way telephone line, the terminal also grows warm gay community, like a large family, where people meet, support each other, empowering and training. More people in the hotline's volunteer training, meet to go for a lifetime partner.

This is also the beginning of Ray and Xiaoding's story.

Ray and Xiaoding, neutral nickname, boy appearance. Interviews before the photos and data, found that the combination of two people and stereotypes are different, at first I was a little confused, only to find out how education and stereotypes to create, narrow our "love shape" of the imagination.

In the afternoon, xiaoding and Ray came to paradise, wearing the same color stripes Polo shirt and shorts, Ray is blue, xiaoding is gray, mutual echoes of the comfort of clothing, no longer open mouth has said a lot. The two were quiet and shy, only to know that they had come up from Taoyuan to Taipei, and that they would dine with the Taipei family later. "Often used as a meeting room, the smell of home."

The two men met 11 years ago at the volunteer training at the Gay counseling hotline, and Ray said, "We all belong to people who prefer to listen quietly than to express their opinions." "Less words, but so that they can see each other, identify the same, and then a friend love."

Xiao Ding and Ray, who are not much spoken, were also the first Bauna of the Taipei City in 2015 to hold a joint wedding hand. March 2015, the two people to the Taipei Municipal Council registration to participate in the Bei joint wedding, the Civil Affairs Bureau refused, because the joint wedding provisions are based on the provisions of civil law marriage requirements and design.

The two applicants failed to let the media focus on the story, and the city was rethinking its values. The same summer, Taipei announced the opening of gay couples to join a joint wedding.

Drive change, not for yourself. As early as 2012, xiaoding and Ray have been registered in Canada to marry.

Time to return to the beginning of the acquaintance, before 11, xiaoding is a psychiatric nursing staff, Ray is with the depression, hand, holding hands, I asked them still remember to see the other side of the first feeling, they smiled and told me that the first eye feeling, in fact, is "no feeling."

Who says it has to be a thunder hook? I can feel the love in the pot

I have a dumbfounded look, two people feel interesting, Ray pursuit, Cool said, "For me, the first impression is worthless." "Well, you see, there is no" love at first sight "four words in your dictionary. Xiaoding also said, "from the beginning of a friend, at a certain time to find that the person's feelings seem a little different." "Finding yourself like Girls is also a process of groping.

When it comes to love, the air is more of a pink bubble. Ray found himself in the class of a girl friend special care, "that care about the feelings of other students will not have, I will count her time into the classroom, than her early, I hope she came into the classroom first notice me, talk to me." "I go back to her, is the concept of a classroom block, she laughs no denying." "That girl is very popular, there are always people around,"ray often because the other side did not pay attention to their own and lost. " "I thought about why I was sad, and I found out that I liked her, and it all made sense." 」

On the eve of graduation, Ray summoned up his courage to confess to the girl. The girl listened, without saying a word, and went straight away. "Leave Ray standing Still, she thought would be rejected, just do not know even thank you sorry for the good Guys card." ' Maybe the girl doesn't know how to understand it, ' says Ray. We nodded and quieted down.

Xiaoding was only discovered by the five professionals. "I live on a few very good friends, one of them began to socialize with the boys, I am very sad, generally speaking to friends should be happy blessing, but I did not, but also to the boys have inexplicable hostility, began to think, why is this?" "First love and friendship, is the intensity difference between emotions." When the mood is full of difficult to resolve, you know, this is in love, it is lovelorn.

Unlike Ray, Xiaoding did not confess, "I don't want to lose her friend." "ray silently, beside also smiled. Looking at them, I think it's much like going back to school, listening to friends to share the mood of love.

At that time Xiaoding was confused about his state, "I will find some books to read, also to the gay forum to see." At first, it was diving in the 2G forum. "What is the 2G forum?" I cross-examine, thought is the science and technology community, "2G is the abbreviation of two girl, women's Lesbian school garden, Lesbian online forum. "ray in the side patiently supplemented.

Different from the rest of the class can be generous to share the feelings of the girls, like the same sex girls, but also need an anonymous cyberspace. Xiaoding continued, "I see more and more in 2G feeling, found that many people experience and I like, know that they are (lesbians)." 」

Later, each of them from the online network, slowly into the offline gay community, but also among friends and peers to contact the gay consultation hotline, decided to be trained as volunteers.

Did not think is also in the gay counseling hotline, met the want to walk a lifetime companion.

Never thought I'd talk to you about T-T.

Well, the topic of love is officially open, and girls will never be bored with this topic. I asked who was first to like. Xiaoding pointed to the left, Ray shyly but simply raised his hand, "Yes, it's me." 」

Wiring training, Ray noticed that Xiaoding did not speak, "but she has a special sense of existence, she felt like me, like the discovery of the same." As soon as the group was over, Ray secretly watched the search for Xiaoding's location and went to talk to her. "At first don't know what to say ah, so little Dinggang in the group said things, I ask again", not afraid of being found not to listen to seriously? "It's OK to talk about it, and of course it doesn't matter," he says. "ray a face don't care, in short goal set, strategy can adjust.

Six months of training, the weekly fixed time classes, but the two different groups, so training for different days. "Know xiaoding which day training, I will deliberately on the day to the hotline, sometimes an hour earlier to sit, sometimes afraid too obvious, and so soon end again." "ray said here smiled," see her out, pretend not to know, say hello "? You're here, too? "She's gone and I'm taking things, and I'm almost gone." 」

"To see her one more time, I'll tell everyone that it's not free that day," she said. "The flash of 11 years ago, I heard the declaration of Love reaffirmed. See xiaoding laughing at the side, "but it turns out that I didn't find it from beginning to end." Xiaoding finally couldn't help interrupting.

"So I arranged more carefully!" "ray went on to say that she often deliberately stays late, pretending to need a pickup. "I remember those who are inconvenient, deliberately first ask those who can not, and finally asked her, a pair of" No one can take me, then you can? "ray said the eye to connect up, xiaoding eyes smile squint.

Like a person's mood always, want to rely on you near a point, want to see your side, each other's expressions are like gifts, minutes and seconds can not wait to unpack.

Finally together, is because of a heavy rain, that day Ray said to go to xiaoding Service Hospital dormitory visit, "The road received a phone call, just remember the same day with the hotline about, to go to school speech, one with her about, what things are forgotten!" Everybody smiles, the lover present, what thing all does not have the heart. Ding changed to take Ray to school, the road under heavy rain, ray help small Ding pull jacket rain, xiaoding think, "Pull raincoat touch, in the mind feel a little different." But I can't say what it is. 」

To the speech scene, Ray's friend booing said "girlfriend Oh ~", Xiaoding's mind again has the commotion. " Riding from rain, covering each other's rain, watching each other's speeches, being booed by friends, a whole day of love riots full of stalls. The evening of the speech, Xiaoding took the initiative to take Ray's hand.

"In short, we held hands that night, and then have been holding!" Xiaoding Soft domineering also shy conclusion.

We regard the relationship as: not to break up to solve the problem

However, Xiaoding's initial mood is actually "try","because she and I used to like the type is very different." "Although I like the neutral nature, the independent soul, but xiaoding used to prefer women dress up girls."

Also because of this, Ray at first did not expect to be together, "because she looks like the type of woman." So she held my hand that day, and she felt ⋯⋯!. "ray think up, eyes have light, show surprise smile.

Xiaoding also told me, like their T-love, in the former lesbian circle is not a majority, "at that time in the version of very little, and said it will be scolded." "Two people say that feeling is similar to heterosexual blame homosexuality," like men in the gay circle people will scold very C (more feminine) boys. "ray added.

People imagine that the gay partner is often like this: the same sex two people fall in love, there will be a role in playing "male", another disguised as "female". Lesbian is a t a P, or two are "girls", whether it is a TV series or popular romantic text, are still missing two T love communication narrative.

Although the same girls like girls, each love is different, homosexual love does not need to replicate the gender role of heterosexual. I like you not because of your gender temperament, it's just that I like you this person.

Xiaoding originally "Try", but unexpectedly go very far. "You can come here because we are serious about relationships and we never think that if there is a problem we have to break it up." Ding quietly said, they have heard many because of personality and break up the love, that is not wrong, but the feelings to go long, it is bound to pay a lot of effort.

"We never say, I am such a person ah, you love me, you must accept this me." "The hand decides to hold, the road is not a person walks, must adjust the pace and the rhythm," but also accepts oneself and each other different, originally different person, in the idea will have the disparity. 」

Two people also not to be denied, the association has been married so far, has been in running-in. "There will still be a quarrel." But the two of them said that they liked each other very much, and saw each other for their relationship.

Most like each other is, see each other in order to relationship and strive for the appearance

The happiest thing is to watch you fall asleep.

Another love topic, I asked them to love so far, the memory of the happiest picture, the two people answered in unison, "look at each other's sleeping appearance." "I'm a little surprised to see that," they added, "We've talked about this before we came here, but two people have different interpretations." 」

Ray suffered from depression, sleep quality is not good, Xiaoding said, "If Ray can sleep soundly, do not know how to say ... it is a very happy feeling." "Xiaoding speak smiling eyes, hard to think can express feelings of the sentence, think, or happiness two words."

To Ray, see xiaoding fall asleep, the heart is steadfast. "At night, when I saw her sleeping, I felt safe, but I could concentrate on my own business." "Xiaoding went to work early, usually early in the day," opened his eyes to see her, it will feel that the day is very beautiful. 」

Together, every day is not a matter of course, trust how precious, the other side in their own eyes safe to sleep, is the best and happiest thing.

But together, it's not just about two people. Ray said he was lucky, her family has been accepted and blessed her, xiaoding has been unable to determine the mother's thoughts.

Exchanges 2.5, economic stability, emotional stability, Xiaoding decided to write a letter to the mother out of the ark, also vindicate Ray is her companion. Xiaoding's mother did not respond, but the day went on as usual. Until the day xiaoding can't help asking, mother just said she had accepted, think this is very normal things, mother said "you two together, happy." "They are going to get married, and the mother has a sum of money to help.

Later, Xiaoding invited her mother to the gay counseling hotline, when gay parents volunteer. My mother went to her retirement once and shared her experiences, "she told me," the parents crying to death, "I told them, as long as the boys marry the good? Like I was married, not divorced? Daughter married in the past by in-laws bullying, is it better? You are crying to death now, there is no need! It's good for children to be happy! "The parents next door rubbed their eyes and wiped their tears, as if they felt justified." Xiaoding said it is very happy, the family's love and support, let her look in also have pride.

Together, it's never just two people.

But it is not enough to decide to be together, to get family support and blessings, as long as the lack of legal recognition, the two are still legal strangers, even in Canada married is the same.

Ray was sick and hospitalized, the hospital said: not relatives so can not stay. "We can understand before marriage, but still be rejected after marriage, at that time, the hospital gave us a setback, said that the identity card is not the name of the spouse, so no, it makes people feel very powerless." "When it comes to this, Xiaoding's tone is getting more and more tired," of course, the other side has done the most accommodating, such as visitors only to nine, they are accommodating to the next shift nurse before work, 10:30 to leave. 」

"But from our point of view, that root is not the same." "When Xiaoding worked in Taoyuan, Ray was hospitalized in Taipei, and every day xiaoding came from Taoyuan to take care of Ray, and she had to leave the ward soon." It was a very tiring period of time.

But every time I tell this story, there is a dilemma. "Xiaoding and Ray also understand the front-line medical staff," We are not to blame the hospital, do not want to be regarded as a ballast, is the Taiwan legal system so that we do not have such rights and qualifications. 」

The story of Xiaoding and Ray because of the media coverage, the union also called the hospital to ask whether there is really a thing, "the union think we are lying, they think the general situation hospital will not be so much, anyway lying on the other side of the good." But the truth is not so. 」

Same-sex marriage in the civil law or legislation, in fact, is the same thinking. "In fact, I hope that marriage equality into the civil law, that is, in order to achieve the fundamental rule of law, but not every time to go to 1.1 points at the front of the collision." 」

As long as the foundation is unequal, similar situations may continue to occur. Most of the systems involved in the interests of the spouses are subject to the Civil law marriage chapter, and the other legislation, how can there be equality? At the same time, the differential legislation is also equal to the state to put the pressure of public opinion to the front-line, so that the front-line staff of the public service to bear the pressure, to bear the discriminatory legislation of the extra work, procedures and time costs.

"We are very lucky two people, have family support, also raise money to Canada to marry, but not everyone and we, have a lot of more vulnerable comrades, they are not even too internet, or worry about being found on the internet, So far, the public telephone calls to the hotline, "Ding said, do hotline of the wiring volunteers, can only give the current company, support and confidence," but a more secure environment, the fundamental need to work from the legal level. "ray added.

Love is immaterial, its embodiment is not seen by the naked eye, not a man and a woman, a feminine and masculine shape. Love is not only the exclusive privilege of men and women, but also no one love is more noble, love is more equal, the law should be more equal. Love is free, gender and gender temperament label, can not limit the placement of love. This is Ray and Xiaoding's story tells us.