What do you think of the exciting/refusal of the community to have fun last week?
Last week, the face book dynamic by a variety of hot sister gold sentence wash version, from Cai Lun, Einstein, Edison, Jung to the sister of the Lisa, the girl quotes, we play in the community.
At the same time, some people vaguely feel uncomfortable but did not say the export. These people may be worried that they are too sensitive to say that they are "not even joking," or do not want to spoil everyone's interest.
I'm one of those people, too. Later on the Internet to see other partners to say their feelings, to find their feelings are important, accepted and worth sharing.
But frankly, I was very happy when I received the first girl's golden sentence, and then I experienced different emotions in different situations, including doubt, surprise, discomfort and silence.
I feel amazed by the variety of changes I have experienced, and I find that acknowledging and stating these vague feelings can help us clarify the gender default and distribution of power in our society as a whole.
It can be a happy thing to be.
The reason why I am happy for the first time is that the golden sentence is very simple. In the Thursday, I was in a poor mood, I was in the seat to catch the manuscript.
Women fans are concerned about the state of the environment, even if nothing is said, there are partners to send me a heavy breath. Communication software Ding-dong, sent a piece of Martin Luther's seductive sayings.
Image source | Network
Received this picture, and wondered, "has Martin Luther really spoken this sentence?" , but also sincerely smiled. I feel loved, I know my partner is trying to make my mood lighter, a little funny, a little clumsy way, send a funny quote to express love. That kind of mind itself is very good, the mood also instantly bright up.
After that, the girls ' quotations began to pop up a lot. Outside of Martin Luther's picture, he began to see more of the creative writing on his face book. And then it's getting uncomfortable. Take this Jung to let the pear's sexy sister chart as an example.
Image source | Network
This picture makes me frown quickly, first of all, "can I be treated like a pear?" "And then thought," Is it that you say let it be, that you do not let it? "There was a study of intimate violence in the June, and I have a hunch that this version of Jung is the possibility of a close relationship with violent perpetrators," he said.
When a series of provocative sister imitation samples more and more, feel that the reason for the wrong, also gradually clear.
What's missing from these girls ' golden sentences?
This series of hot sister gold sentence diagram, there are single one-sided default values: heterosexual, male active female passive.
To Jung, Jung can actually want to be sexy brother? As an active woman, there are no seductive quotes of female celebrities, can be used as a reference template for women?
At the same time, the sultry is gone. "Provocative" structure does not constitute "provocative", in fact, is not the people who call the shots, but the people who are the boss. All the time, regardless of the other's feelings, will probably constitute harassment. After all, flirting is not a single direction of activity, but a two-way street. If there is a mutual, dialogue-style quotations, how good it is.
Another question worth discussing is, what if the girl fails?
In fact, the man is afraid of the girl's failure, we can understand that the pursuit of failure is a very frustrating thing. This is why the August women's theme of the month, will focus on the rejection, lovelorn mood.
But you know what? A different woman may actually be afraid of a different man's frustration.
In a pursuit scenario, a different woman may walk through the following path of thought:
A. If you explicitly reject the pursuit of the other, there is no possibility
One, being teased-ah why do you take it seriously, I'm just joking, don't flatter yourself.
Second, be subjected to violence-I have paid so much, you cannot not accept!
Third, the slut humiliated-ah you have not expressly refused, ah, do not like to speak earlier? Is that what you do with a lot of people? Do you like manipulating men?
B. If the rejection is not clear enough, will the other party repeatedly use the same way to interact with me?
So, many women always vaguely feel a pressure, feel that they must maintain self-esteem, feel that they must be responsible for each other's feelings, so that they can in the pursuit of culture, safe exit.
In the first half of the intimate Relationship violence case (commonly known as Qingsha case) news message below, often have netizens to the female encounter feel sorry "if ___ is good" sentence pattern. "If she knew how to sense the wind, tragedy would not have happened." If she doesn't say no, maybe she's still alive. "These statements have regrets, but also put the responsibility silently to the victim end."
In the general pursuit of the situation, women must know how to be polite, tactful response or rejection, in the pursuit of situations that can create conflict (for complex, not to break up), women need to know how to not let the other side hurt. But the transformation of the relationship is bound to hurt, and our society is expecting women to be held responsible for the feelings of men being rejected? But has the same standard been used to ask men to feel for women? Does a woman have an environment where her feelings will be valued when she says she is uncomfortable?
A discourse environment that can be assured of rejection and expression of dissent
When the whole community network into the "provocative" context, some people feel pressure, unable to say the reasons for the export, not all "provocative" brought about by the discomfort, but the whole scene, power distribution imbalance, resulting in discomfort.
When the quotations are almost heterosexual men, and when they relax without scruple to tell how to tease a girl, some people feel unwell, perhaps because she/he feels the subtle inequality in it. For example, "Can I, like these men, boldly translate the words of a female celebrity into a seductive/seductive one?" I say it's not funny/uncomfortable, will it be regarded as not interesting? (feelings are denied) "
The feeling of being uncomfortable may be overlooked, ridiculed, and denied by society, and it also shows that in the scene of flirting or sex jokes, power relationships are often unequal--you can't stop laughing.
Women do not laugh, is puzzled amorous feelings. Men who do not laugh may be considered not Manly. It was an awkward state, and few people dared to point out that the joke was not funny, the flirtation was not hot, and the king was not clothed.
In fact, not just the topic of "provocative" is worth discussing, we must pay attention to almost every topic, in what way we discuss it, who we discuss with you, and what your original relationship is.
This is my first contact with the sexy girl, feel happy and warm the root cause. Happy, because I was a good relationship with this partner, because I know this is the other way of expressing love.
The situation of the use of the golden sentence, the relationship between users, the user's heartbeat, the two original interaction mode, will affect how the message is received and interpreted. The same golden sentence, if the network stranger sent, my reaction is not warm, but panic.
Is it that I am lacking in gender consciousness?
So, it is not the most important thing in fact, the word itself is not the most significant-let the other person feel that you attach importance to his feelings, your thoughts and intentions, is more important and more effective. Based on the understanding of each other, in the existing interactive relationship, to create the other feel at ease also small deer collision atmosphere, is "provocative" essence.
Finally, thank you for making the girls quotes of the netizens, if not this "sexy sister" community game, we probably will not carefully to see the situation may arise. about how to tease, always can progress, is not it? At the same time, the stirring of rejected, provocative quotes, are creative and gender-conscious community dialogue creation.
Photo Source | Face Book of National Taiwan Museum of History
Photo Source | Face Book of National Taiwan Museum of History
Photo Source | Chenhongru Consulting Psychologist
At the same time, I would like to speak to all the equally sensitive and shy people: in fact, micro-our own feelings, carefully dismantled, will see how your emotions reflect the social framework, discourse power, and feminist descent in the "I" this individual, and the chemical role of society.
With feminist theory and nutrients on the road, when feminists become one of our many identities, when we are on the road of life and all kinds of situations, when this one with the feminine flesh in the more society, there are always happy, have doubts, also have the stuffy pain. But all this is still worthwhile, toward other partners to learn, but also toward their own emotional learning, never denied that their feelings began.
It is a valuable experience to be aware of your feelings, or to be able to appreciate the other person's mind after being rejected.