July woman fan Body and erotic topics, invited the "Dim kingdom" of the author Chen Zhaoru, and we talk about the obstacles of love and the true appearance of sex.
"Always talk about this, if not comfortable, to talk to Aunt Oh" Chen Zhaoru is interviewing a sexually abused many times the beautiful deaf girl, interview process, in Zhao's case to confirm the girl status, girls always early to shake head to say no problem. Zhaohuo offers to talk about other things, and the girl can't help but be happy and share the ongoing relationship. From the love mood, Zhaohuo want girls to protect themselves, "in case anything happens, ⋯⋯". " Italy field, the girl smiled to be assured, said she knew how not to have children.
The girl's answer, so Chen Zhao as instantaneous mixed feelings. Also makes her think, "such unrest, in addition to worry about the girl victim, whether also with the pursuit of desire does not meet my" obstacles "," victims "weak and pale imagination? 」
This is the opening of the book "The Dark Country", starting from a shocking and reflective interview situation, Zhaohuo asked herself how she viewed the love and sex of the handicapped.
Photo source |pexels
The author, Chen Zhaoru, has penetrated the special education school to expose the large-scale sexual assault of the school. In the interview process, she found that the obstacles were "asexual" the many problems derived from the dark angle.
Sex and Love is the basic needs and desires of human beings, but also an important part of life, but sexual issues and sex education, but is pushed to the edge, everyone "can only do, can not say", and obstacles are "can not say, can not do."
What can be wrong with the love and sex of people who are blind to obstacles?
This month's gender quiz, inviting the author of "Chen Zhaoru", takes us through five common questions to understand the true shape of love and sex of the handicapped.
- What is the most common misconception about the physical desires of people who are handicapped?
- Why do people tend to overlook or avoid the desires of the handicapped?
- What are the common dilemmas of the handicapped in the subject of sex and love?
- Are there any differences between male and female in the process of pursuing sex/love?
- Zhaohuo Sex and love and other topics interview, the biggest feeling is?
Q 1: What is the most common misconception about the physical desires of people who are handicapped?
Zhaohuo: barriers are often considered "asexual", or "sex", as if the body has a defect (especially the mentally handicapped and the lower limbs of the disabled), it is impossible to have sexual desire. This is particularly evident in correctional institutions or special schools: all short hair, sleeping Tong, collective dressing, collective bathing, never seriously advocating sex education, not to mention providing solutions, as if the desire of the handicapped does not exist as long as it is not deliberately directed or touched.
However, the body does not lie, desire will find its way out. In 2013, Miaoli, a correctional institution, heard the news that the Dean used sticks to abuse the mentally handicapped. The Dean Decission to the media, said: "These hospital students have a sexual impulse, not to fight Ah, some of them will be everywhere to bite, just like the dog ..." I was correcting deviant behavior, not hurting them. After each process, they will be normal for a while, parents are very grateful to me, I this is normal discipline yes! 1"
The deformity of the body is only an objective fact, but because of strange, ignorance or misunderstanding, so that the physical needs of the handicapped can not be looked at, and then produced a variety of stigma, making the body of the barrier to become a shock, off the order, the incarnation of Evil, but also let their desire into the outside world to spy, to explore the goal, but deliberately belittled and trampled.
Q 2: People tend to overlook or avoid obstacles What is the reason for sexual desire?
Zhaohuo: The American poet Mark O ' Brien (the film "Sex Treatment") because the spine distorted deformation, unable to breathe, must lie in the iron lung-like negative pressure device to maintain life. But he is not reconciled to life is just so. At the age of 38, he finally enjoyed his sexual love and regained his self-confidence as a man, through his sex agent (sex surrogate).
Why are you so obsessed with sex when you have a paralyzed limbs, anytime and death wrestling? He said:
Even though I am no longer living with my parents, I still live in the feeling that they are always around me, and their negation of lust, especially of my passions, when I have sex, or think about sex, and I feel condemned and guilty. My family never talked about sex in front of me. The attitude I have learned from them is not just that polite people never think about sex, but that no one thinks about sex. In addition to my family, I don't know anyone, and this standard has a deep influence on me, and I think people should follow the "healthy" asexual status of Barbie and Kenny, pretending that our bodies don't have "underneath" ...2.
Is O ' Brien's parents a special case? Of course not. Our society has always equated "sex" with shame, indecency, and scandal, and so does the sexual nature of the handicapped, as does the sex of the average person (does it not occur to parents that a child's sexual relationship is disrupted by sex education?) ）。 In such a moral standard and social atmosphere, the sex of the handicapped is naturally marginalized, even if they desire the body's temperature and pleasure, is still bound by a variety of unfair ideas, as if imprisoned in the Dark Kingdom, always see no daylight.
Q 3: What are the common dilemmas in the subject of sex and love?
Zhaohuo: Many people mistakenly think that "obstacle" is a kind of "illness", accustomed to thinking from the point of view of medical treatment, injury, think that the obstacle as long as eat well, sleep enough, from the thought they also need love, friendship and intimate relations, just like the General people no different.
If the handicapped show a desire for sex, they will always be told: "The body this way, can live is very good", "like you, how could anyone want?" "As time passes, they are convinced that interpersonal relationships are shrinking and closing, not to mention the further development of intimacy."
If an obstacle has a partner, the next step is the beginning of the test. Obstacles and the love of the non-barrier, in the eyes of others is not the relationship-the outsider will always see the people who are not obstacles, but can not see the wheelchair family notional sincerity, if the obstacle and the obstacle fall in love, mostly also difficult to get outside approval--they even take care of themselves, if with the obstacles to contact, How will the future two men be born male and female, breadwinner?
Especially the parents of excessive care and protection, often make it difficult to develop mature and stable emotional relationship, and parents often have excessive emotional dependence on children do not know. I know, parents wholeheartedly pay, is afraid of children hurt, but these "children" have a long day, they need love, also must have experience in love injured, but parents difficult to accept the fact.
Q 4: barriers between men and women in the pursuit of sex/Love in the process, whether there is any difference ?
Zhaohuo: There's a heartbreaking woman with a limb-impaired confession that says:
"When I was a teenager, I was curious about love, just like my female classmates. There are beautiful fantasies, of course, there will be sexual fantasies, but parents never mentioned this sensitive issue in front of me ... brothers and sisters and the students no one cares about my adolescence, as if I would not have any sexual needs like, I have lived like this for 37 years, Men seem to think of me as a weak friend of protection and assistance, it's not love, it's compassion. Gradually, I gave up chasing marriage this matter ... as an obstacle women really depressed, repressed to can not say can not do, only a lifetime single, maintain a virgin body into the coffin that day mostly ...3 "
In the general "male buyer" as the main body of the "marriage market", the barrier of women like thorns How to also pick endless autumn knife fish, always repeatedly be difficult to criticize. I have heard a lot of tragic stories, including "If you can climb the second floor, I will let you marry my son", "rather let the son to marry foreign workers, also can not marry the coffee", "eyes see, how to take care of children?" "All kinds of words that are so derogatory, they are humble to the dust."
The discrimination they encounter is not that the outside world limits their activities to the family, but does not expect them to have a "female", "wife" or "mother" role. This makes many barrier women deny themselves, that they are not worthy of love and be loved. Love is too far away for them, and marriage or sex is too much of an excess of thought, it is not just their imagination, but the social collective put on their body brand.
Q 5 : Zhaohuo Sex and love and other topics interview, the largest Impressions is it?
Zhaohuo: I can feel a deep helplessness when I listen to the obstacles frankly, because their experience is not seen, accepted or even deprived. As a barrier friend joked that, as long as the five cm ladder, is the difference between heaven and hell-if the five cm ladder, just across the hotel or three warm front. The problem is, apart from people like him who can't get in, who cares about the hotel or the three warm and accessible facilities?
In my opinion, the barrier itself may not be an obstacle to the pursuit of love, social conditions and cultural situation prejudice. So we can accept the prosthetic athletes, wheelchair king dance, visually impaired or hearing impaired inspirational instructors, but can not imagine that they also need sex, and the average person is no different.
The body is the tool that human grasps ego, also with external communication means, it is not only the existence of pure flesh, but also is the important pipeline that enters the world. Empathy for others ' sufferings and pleasures, understanding the shadow and light of society, is a subject that everyone must learn. I hope that in the near future, no one's sexuality needs to be protected or liberated, and that each person will be able to get real happiness from the desire for love through a unique body, rather than bondage, bondage and guilt.
Reading the process of the Kingdom of Darkness, I found that this book not only answers "Why we want to recognize the sex of the handicapped", but also answers "Why do people fear sex?" Why we have to talk about sex "and so on. Understanding the nature of those who are handicapped helps us to see the consequences of our own misconceptions about sex and the gaps in sex education. However, the book is the True story and experience, but also take us to see the direction of sex education can go forward, as well as the hope is located.