How to mend a broken heart? Ted talk:"lovelorn make a list of the former cons most effective"

Imagine what you would do when you were brokenhearted and heartbroken. With 35 friends complained of healing, with alcohol, indulge their sanity, or a person at home, looking at the photos of two people, one by one to recall the past dribs and drabs, while tears, while pressing DELETE.

Everyone in the face of lovelorn, have their own set of practices. Do you really get out of your heartbreak when you've done your own breakup SOP? In the process of recovery, can you be smooth and retreat?

In his speech at Ted Talk, psychologist Guy Winch talked about "How to mend a Broken heart" and analyzed many of the reasons why he couldn't get out of it. From his speech found that, even after many life difficulties, all the major surgery, the death of the people, still can not face the heart of the matter.

Broken heart, good struggle? Honey, you're not the only one

When you are separated from the other half with no warning, you cannot accept the answers he gives, and are thus caught in a whirlpool of heartbreak. After several days, weeks, months, his smile and temperature remained in my mind. You feel very uncomfortable, you want to find out what you have done wrong, can not help but recall the last meeting situation, but still can't think of why.

But most of the time, you didn't do anything wrong. The other person just does not love, but you cannot accept this simple but direct statement. (Recommended reading:"I did not do wrong, why divorce?" "Psychologists talk about not love is also a separate possibility."

In the film, Guy Winch the case of his patient: Cathy, a woman who had undergone two breast cancer, learned about Reginald and started a relationship after she had finished her course and recovered. Kathy and Reginald A candlelit dinner at the end of a romantic trip. At this point, Casey thought, Reginald to marry her. The result backfired, Reginald told Kathy, who wanted to end the relationship. Although he had a deep concern for Kathy, he couldn't fall in love with Cassie.

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But Casey was shocked by the results. She can not accept, she recalls every detail of the journey, after breaking up, also can't forget Reginald. Why didn't she accept Reginald's statement?

Heartbreak can cause very dramatic pain, and our brains tell us that its cause must be equally dramatic. Even the most rational and prudent people will come up with mysteries and conspiracy theories that do not exist at all.

Guy Winch thinks, because of heartbreak, let your reason also follow scatter. You are so hurt by your heartbreak that you don't want to accept a plain reason. Bland reasons can make you think that you are not directly proportional to your own dramatic pain, that you can't convince yourself to accept it, that you are trying to find an answer that is convincing to you, but in fact there is no answer that fits your brain's imagination.

Heartbreak is like quicksand, and the more you struggle, the deeper you become, the more submerged you will be. Is there any way to get away from the whirlpool of heartbreak?

Don't rely on intuition, let's make a list of your predecessors ' flaws.

When you are heartbroken, the intuition that you normally rely on will lead you to the wrong path all the time.

So, when you can't get out of a heart-breaking vortex, don't believe what your brain tells you, the brain tries to idealize the image of someone who breaks your heart, and makes it more impossible for you to cut off the link to the lost relationship.

Though the impulse is hard to resist, you still have to understand that every time you recall, every message you send, and every second you spend on social media tracking your ex-lover, you are just satisfying your addiction, deepening your emotional pain, and making your recovery more complex.

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Such addiction, like drugs, so that you can not extricate themselves. When you analyze your predecessor's Facebook dynamics, Instagram stickers, your past chats, you think you can find evidence of separation, you're actually torturing yourself again, and you're not going to get rid of drugs that are known as your predecessors. (same field Gayon: new form Breakup therapy!) One-click Delete sadness? )

When you always have a situation like this, Guy winch a humorous and really effective approach: "I told my patients to compile a detailed list of every point that this person doesn't fit you, all the bad qualities, all the things that annoy you, and then put that list on your phone. Once you have listed the list, you have to use it. Every time I meet a patient, when I feel a little idealistic about his predecessor, or the slightest nostalgia emerges, I say, "Please take your phone and look at the list you've listed on your phone!" 』」

"To live a broken heart is not a journey, it is a battle." Don't listen to the intuition your brain tells you, use your sanity, and reason will be your strongest weapon. 」

The support of a friend is a big boost

When you or friends around, encounter lovelorn, heartbreak situation, if just a person stuffy, into their own heart of the mud, then, the speed of recovery will be greatly reduced, and even affect your daily life, work. Social support, however, can be a great help to those who are heartbroken.

If you know a broken-hearted person, be empathetic, because social support has proven to be important to their recovery. Be patient and take longer than you expect.

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Because of the brokenhearted, he lost not only a lover, may be related to the lover of all life, social. So getting him back into social life and socializing is a way to get him to recover faster.

Your brain would try to tell your predecessor to be perfect. But he's not perfect, and your relationship is not perfect. If you want to get over it, you have to remind yourself of it, often.

With family, friends, so that he is free from a person cranky, trapped in the trap of the brain, will definitely let him out of the state of heartbreak faster. Therefore, do not hesitate to ask for support and active companionship when you or someone around you is having a heart-breaking situation. Heartbreak, the most needed, in addition to a good deal with the end of a relationship, and accept separate reasons, friends and relatives to give encouragement, comfort and reminder, let him know that he is never alone, even without a partner, there are still many people who love him.

It is not an easy thing to recover from heartbreak, nor is it won't be to be able to achieve it. Guy Winch at the end of his speech: "If you're in pain, know this:" It's hard, it's a battle in your head, you have to be diligent to win. But you do have weapons, you can fight, and you will recover. 』」

To each of you who has experienced heartbreak, or is struggling with heartbreak. (Extended reading:"100 Songs of Love" Lost Star: Strive for the original purpose, not for the affirmation of others )