"Poisonous Manhood" in the collection: Men can also ache, but also want to shed tears

"Don't Cry When you fall, boy can't cry!" 」

"Crying will be laughed at by others, you see the younger brother next to people are laughing at you." 」

"There is no way to bear this setback, you are useless hey." 」

"You can't cry when dad dies, you can't break down, you have to prop up this family." 」

Do these words sound familiar to you? Under the patriarchal system, men are considered to have to be strong, have shoulders, are not allowed to have sad and fragile emotions, and call them "manly", but this is actually a "harmful masculinity" (toxic Masculinity) ", obviously very sad, but can not find the way to release emotions, clearly the day is very painful, plucked up the courage to ask for help, but was said:" Hey, is a man. " 」

Australian illustrator Luke Humphris from an early age by "harmful masculinity", because he is a boy, must suppress sadness, in his growing environment, boys are not encouraged to speak their minds, and do not encourage boys to seek assistance outward. So he decided to draw his own experience, encourage men to get out of bondage, you can be very brave and strong, at the same time you can weep and grieve:

Photo |Luke Humphris

The male traits defined by paternal authority must be masculine, angry, violent and aggressive, and beneath this notion, it produces harmful masculinity and suppresses existing emotions. And Luke Humphris was deeply influenced by harmful masculinity as he grew up.

Photo |Luke Humphris

Luke Humphris wrote: ' My brother and I were told as children that "we can't cry" when we fall or hurt. In fact, we simply do not have the right time to shed tears, we are always silent, there is a pride in our hearts to hold on to us. (Recommended reading: you don't always have to be strong: Five ways to face vulnerability )

Photo |Luke Humphris

When I try to cook, dance, sing these are considered "girls" interest, there will always be relatives and friends laugh, so I will not do later.

I began to be ashamed of sharing my interests, and even when I felt that the behavior was not masculine enough, I chose not to say it.

Photo |Luke Humphris

When I grew up, I was beaten up by someone else, trying to open my heart to other people and talk about what happened to me.

But no one helped me.

They all thought it was because I was too incompetent to get beat up.

Photo |Luke Humphris

When I was at the lowest ebb of my life, I lay at home all day, only drinking wildly. Later I told my father that his helplessness, life do not know how to go down. He only told me:

"Be strong." 」

Pretending to be strong can only keep others from worrying about you, but it is also the only function.

Photo |Luke Humphris

I have a brother, I have always respected him, he always looks very strong. But I didn't know he was suffering from pain, and my brother never told me he had such a problem. (Recommended reading:"Gender Watch" 12-year-old boy Ruben, I like makeup, I don't want to be a hero )

Photo |Luke Humphris

Then he killed himself.

Photo |Luke Humphris

At the funeral, I heard Grandpa tell his father: "Be strong." "Even at your son's funeral, you can't cry."

Photo |Luke Humphris

Even at the age of his father, he was still told to hold back and hold back his grief.

Photo |Luke Humphris

This is the harmful manhood, we can not cry, can not concede, because we are boys.

Photo |Luke Humphris

That's the story of Luke Humphris, who said he would stop being patient, allow himself to seek help, allow himself to feel affectionate, and accept that it was not a fragile thing to reveal his feelings.

If you don't acknowledge your emotions, you can't change them.

Opposing "harmful masculinity" does not mean denying "masculinity", and he encourages all people to redefine the word rather than criticize others with narrow gender biases, whether you are male or female, should not be limited by gender temperament, accept the strength of people, but also soft and vulnerable, regardless of gender, these characteristics make us more complete.

After reading the story of Luke Humphris, did you find your own shadow in it? Have you also been affected by "harmful masculinity"? You are welcome to share your experience in the women's fan room !