About emotions, we always unconsciously escape, vilify it, as usual if you hear "you are a lot of emotions alas", "You are too emotional, right?" "Would feel like a demeaning." is emotions harmful or harmless to us at the end of the day? Why are we so afraid of the "emotional" thing?
Is "emotion" a compliment or a demeaning? In a recent conversation with Cai Kangyong on Youtube, Mrs Science has come up with a popular negative imagination of "emotional":
About emotions, we always unconsciously escape, vilify it, as usual if you hear "you are a lot of emotions alas", "You are too emotional, right?" "Would feel like a demeaning, as if they had been afraid of being linked to the word" emotion. "
is emotions harmful or harmless to us at the end of the day? Why are we so afraid of the "emotional" thing? Together, through the psychologist's analysis, we look at the impact that the "hidden emotions" thing can have on people.
It doesn't have to be nice to cover up.
Psychologist Noam Shpancer said in the article "emotional acceptance:why feelingbad is good" that hiding emotions can only make you feel a moment of pleasure, but not a durable solution. Suppose you're talking to a friend and suddenly you say a word that makes you feel uncomfortable, but you think the quickest way to deal with discomfort is not to say it and bury it directly the fastest. But this will only be a momentary solution, but can not let uncomfortable emotions disappear for a long time.
Hide your negative emotions and you'll have the following three kinds of damage:
The ability to deal with emotions gets worse.
You can't make sure you come across a situation like making yourself uncomfortable in the future, so if you hide your true emotions for a long time, when you have more and more challenges in your life, you will gradually lose your ability to defend and deal with wounds. When the psychological wound gradually expands, one day can not load, it will let the mood breakage.
Hiding your emotions will keep you closed.
Noam Shpancer points out that hiding emotions is "useless," and you think that feeling will go away, but in fact, deep down, you are still afraid of this experience. This allows you to have negative thoughts and a high level of vigilance the next time you come across similar experiences.
Denying the truth doesn't solve the problem.
Hiding emotions is like denying the truth, it can't solve things happening, just as you watch the wind and rain outside, but say "There's no rain out there," and such an idea can't solve your problem.
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But people often encounter emotions, especially negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety, sadness, will subconsciously want to cover up, but in fact, compared to hidden emotions, "accept emotions" will be more beneficial to their own way, it can help you reduce the strength of pushing away negative emotions, and see the current situation. Next you try to get to know it, and learn to deal with it, or know how to heal yourself.
Finally, Noam Shpancer said, such emotions will no longer have any lethality, for example, just as you walk in the jungle, along the way there will be branch painting hurt you, at first feel scared, pain, but long walk, you know how to repair the wound, again by the branch, you will not be anxious, but learn how to deal with the wound.
So when you feel emotional ups and downs today, you don't have to rush to suppress hiding, because you can find your own recovery method through this emotional experience, and let this experience become your protector.
Face the mood, you can calm down to
In a conversation with Mrs. Science, Cai Kangyong talked about a very important concept: calm is more important than happiness. You may be wondering, don't you all say that life is about happiness? Why is peace more important than happiness? But Cai Kangyong actually in "being a director is not being yourself!" Interview with Cai Kangyong: Pain has a way to broaden themselves " in the mention of such a phrase:
"The most painful thing about a person in love is to" lose him. " But pain is also a process to broaden their own, if in love to experience the pain, is still a strong sense of existence, I find it difficult to bless people forever happy, always happy people, must be wrong something. Without the contrast of pain, happiness is not valid, the pain that love brings, is as precious a feeling. 」
All the pain, sadness, anger, anxiety, is the body and people will have the mood, happy everyone to pursue, but these we call negative emotions, in fact, as mentioned earlier, experienced, fell, bleed, the next will find a set of their own healing methods, the next time you experience pain, you will not feel anxious, But calm to stay, which is why Cai Cangyong said, "Pain is also a process to broaden their own."
So, today you may be frustrated at work, or may be hurt in a relationship, please remember, do not need to force themselves to always remain optimistic, do not have to ask themselves to be full of "positive energy", you have to believe that they have the ability to get up after a cry, and with this growth, to face the challenges of life.
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If you also want to accept your own negative emotions, you can do this:
- To you who are often anxious: when anxiety becomes an age disease: seven practical ways to respond to anxiety
- Give you what you don't know how to deal with the dark side: The counselor takes you to know yourself: How to accept your dark side
- To you who are often afraid: write down your list of fears! Admit that fear makes you grow more
- To feel lonely you: can heal the heart, but unable to integrate into others: lonely and warm high sensitive family
- Give you fear of being vulnerable: Relationship Psychology: How to express vulnerability in front of an intimate partner?
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