After child abuse: textbooks don't tell us what a home should look like.

The recent three incidents of child abuse have brought the issue of domestic violence back on the table.

January 12, the first to cause public outrage is the meat circle incident. A new North Lin surnamed man asked the child to run errands, because the meat round bought back is not spicy, the mood out of control slap the child, the side to stop the mother is more neck, violent treatment of the film was spread by the public, Lin surnamed man was 7 men meat search, the use of lynching punishment men.

January 15, the second child abuse incident, Tainan a 1-year-old girl was beaten to death by her mother for making a noise and not drinking milk, and was sent to medical rescue and declared dead. The hospital found that the girl had multiple scab wounds and suspected that the girl was under domestic violence, so she informed the police. Only to expose the original birth mother and cohabiting boyfriend to "crying constantly, difficult to discipline" long-term abuse of the girl child.

January 19, the third case of child child abuse was blasted. As the birth mother was unable to take care of the boy, the court awarded the child to the babysitter, but on 11th, the boy was sent to hospital, where he was examined for bleeding from the brain and a number of bruises and fractures. Babysitter said that because children can kick, they use ropes to fix the boy's feet, and cerebral hemorrhage is said to be the child climbed to the babysitter car fell caused, no abuse, the whole incident is still under investigation.

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With regard to the occurrence of child abuse cases, in addition to anger and sadness, it is also a good time to re-examine the social protection network, and even more, we would like to use this time to put forward a rethinking of the concept of "home" in society.

Why should we talk about the concept of "home"? First ask yourself, what kind of imagination do you have for "home"? Is it necessary to have a mother who has sacrificed everything for his family and has done nothing to care for his children? Or is it the father who is responsible for making money outside the home and carrying the whole family's livelihood? Our imagination of home, very vague, very limited. In retrospect, the textbook, rarely taught us how to be a father, to be a mother, to talk about the formation of a home, need to have any psychological preparation. So everything becomes urgent and fast, after the birth of the child, we have not adapted to the new identity, was pushed to play, hard head, while using their own imagination to form a "home."

Because there is only a vague concept of "home", when we encounter problems will be very tense, began to imitate parents to take their own way to take care of children, ask the experience of friends and family around, a lot of times violence, emotional extortion from this, because we think: "This is normal, my parents take me like this, so I take the children." "But it is impossible to tell whether it is good or bad for a child to grow up." (Recommended reading: written in the case of child abuse, Taiwan's kindergarten teachers did not see the collective dilemma )

So this time, through the child abuse case, we want to talk about how to create a home with the child? Or are you a child, and what changes can you make with your family?

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Seven gold codes for family management

There is an African proverb to say this: "it takes a village to raise a children. (Raising a child, need the strength of the whole village)" This sentence points out with the child to create a family needs to pay a lot of effort and effort. and the proper interaction between family members, the transmission of values, is one of the ways to create a happy family. According to American psychiatrist Mark Banschick M.D , there are seven golden rules for creating a happy family: CREATOR

C=communicate Freedom of communication

When you express your reluctance, you know that you will not be coerced or attacked by any family member, and that freedom of communication is one of the rules for creating a happy family. An environment in which all people can express their personal thoughts and needs and know that they will not be severely reprimanded, humiliated, and criticized when they speak out can give all people a sense of security of communication.

R= respect unconditional respect for

The ability to create a family atmosphere of "unconditional respect" is also an important part of achieving a happy family. What is called "unconditional respect"? That is, each person can have their own desires, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and these individual, private thinking, do not need to have anyone's approval, mutual trust with each other. And when you show it, you know your mind is independent and protected by your family.

E=empowerment Mutual cultivation Force

In order for individuals to grow up, family members must send a message of encouragement and support to each other, because each of us grows up with recognition, which is one of the important functions of the family-the power to give support. So when children have their own dreams, the support of parents will be a kind of "bacon" to help children grow up and strive to achieve their dreams. The most common situation we hear is "parents feel that their children can't do it", but in fact, the family's culture can be a link to help children achieve their dreams, so when your child tells you that he wants to be a musician, want to be a basketball player, first do not have to deny, say "I support you!" "Right."

A=acceptance feels accepted.

Every family member must know and believe that he or she is "cherished" and "indispensable", so it is important to continue to convey to the child the feeling that "you are loved by us" and "you are appreciated by us" (not just children, every family member). Passing thanks like a family member will give the grateful party a sense of belonging and consider itself to be needed and accepted. More importantly, passing on your acceptance of your family will make the whole family more united and harmonious.

T= Task Delineation Clear mission

In a healthy family, there will be each other's expectations and obligations to each other, and each person can have the ability to bear such expectations and complete the task. Such family traits, as well as the specific practices of the family, help everyone to have a sense of responsibility in other groups (such as schools, the workplace). (Recommended reading:"Women are obsessed with work" to be a dad who balances the workplace with the family )

o= Organization Structure

Build an action that everyone is willing to abide by and give the family a collective consensus. This promotes family feelings, and on a daily basis, a friend of mine has a "family day" every Saturday, going out to climb mountains, go shopping, or have a dinner with his family and parents. Family Day is an important part of promoting family feelings for them, so every Saturday, friends line up their journeys and focus on the family, and so do his parents. In family activities, they make a commitment to each other, create a sense of belonging, and feel that they are loved and valued.

R= Resiliency has resilience

We often say "home is a safe haven", highlighting the important function of the family: appeasement and support. Mark banschick M.D. Believe that a happy family must be resilient, for example, in the event of a crisis, can be positive, optimistic, enterprising to come up with solutions; Can you assemble family resources to support each other? What's more, whether a family can change roles by others when a leader falls is a pillar of the family.

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Providing the above seven gold codes for the creation of happy families, including respect, understanding and security, this case of child abuse, in addition to having to revisit the issue of social protection nets, we can also think from a family perspective: what kind of family relationship is what you crave? If you want to become a parent wandering, they would like to make some changes and promote relations with the native family, you can start from these seven, may we all work together to create a harmonious family.