Boys ' Love class: Looking at courtship anxiety from a 10,000-dollar love lecture

Valentine's Day is coming, single you, thinking about how to quickly "take off"?

Expand the circle of friends, dating software, random accosted on the streets. Do you know that there is now a course that claims to allow you to start with a boost in confidence in a short period of time, and then develop a style of wear, chat skills, body movements, so that you gradually become a lover?

Photo |Pixabay

When you turn your sister into a good business,

In the past few years, in the PTT Catch version, heterosexual men as the main group of love curriculum publicity continues to emerge, the form from the course lectures, body workshops, one-on-one coaches, and even street guerrillas accosted, a variety of. The aim of these courses is to teach men the skills to attract women in the shortest possible time.

The Catch version was originally a forum for boys and girls to ask questions about the pursuit of annoyance, but now there are many articles that appear to solve the love troubles of the villagers, but the articles used to promote their own paid courses ――"add my line@ to share the art of chatting book", "Lectures teach you to talk, practice, Skills and mentality "and so on, the Catch board was also dubbed" from the pursuit of the board reduced to the opening version. "

Photo | Batch kicking and kicking industrial square screenshot

These love courses, the content does not take off two parts: "mentality" and "skills." Mentality teaches how to be more confident in yourself; skills teach how to make the other person feel good with a little trick.

Abbey, 30, said he had been in a couple of love coaching sessions and charged 1500 yuan 3 hours a year. "The course is divided into basic follow-up steps. Basic courses teach self-confidence, appearance, demeanor. There are "things that girls can and can't do", like how to dress to please girls, how to shoot good-looking big pictures, how to guide girls to talk, guard girls walking in the side of the road, do not understand hard to talk about the topic, or color Mimi Mimi look at each other. 」

A class tutor, H, even said that the weekend workshop he held, registration fees ranging from 8000 to 12000 yuan, only 20 people per game, deduction of costs, monthly income can reach an average of 100,000 yuan. More lecturers opened across China, Taiwan, single name students a single charge of up to 30,000 yuan, still full field.

When the sister into a good business, behind the reflection is a lot of men "want to take off Lu" mood.

Why ' Brexit ' myths men have stronger courtship anxiety

Want to take off Lu, of course, is a gender issue. When Lu Snake (loser) becomes the popular cultural vocabulary, refers to the single person must be equivalent to the loser. But is that really the case? ( recommended reading: ' If you want to have a girlfriend, you need another male ' talk about sows, buffets and male emancipation from Star end )

Bella DePaulo, an American psychologist, has analyzed single discrimination in society (singlism) [1]. Singles are often imposed on negative stereotypes, prejudices and discrimination. In his book "Single, not as you think!" (singled out), she mentions that, in addition to social Changga marriage responsibilities to single women, single men are also discriminated against-men without girlfriends and wives are more likely to be considered lazy, sloppy, or even unwilling to take responsibility for their lives. In fact, this stereotype of single men may stem from the structural causes of several societies:

Competition between men

Compared to girls, boys tend to be more encouraged to compete in their growth experience. In the book "Cain's Seal: Uncovering the cruel culture of the boy World", it is also said that society usually does not encourage girls to compete, but for men's competitive behaviour, it tends to rationalize the long-day nature (Kindlon, D.J., 2000) [2].

From grades and salaries to cars and houses, girlfriends and wives are certainly one of the chips in life. The anxiety behind "having a girlfriend" and "girlfriend worth showing off" comes in part from "I hope other boys admire me." "And if you don't have a partner, you're a" Lu Snake "(loser), a loser.

The myth of romantic love

Romantic love is one of the biggest myths of our time. We are often taught how to have a partner and decide who I am. If you don't have a partner, you're even an "incomplete person." Like the mirror of the 4th season of the British album Black Mirror, "Hanging the DJ", people devote their lives to finding a "perfect companion" (perfect Match) that may not exist.

Photo | "Black Mirror" (Hanging DJ) Preview screenshot

It's certainly impossible for a partner to fully define who you are. After all, they are not your certificates, cars or houses. A partner is your partner who understands relationships and understands yourself. You're going to grow up together. But remember, let yourself complete, after all, should not be anyone's responsibility, but in their own. (Recommended reading: A mature love: your happiness, should not be the responsibility of the partner )

Lack of emotional education

Many people are forbidden to socialize in the course of their studies, but when they grow up, they have to face the pressure of falling in love, getting married and having children overnight. In a society where men are expected to take the initiative, the pursuit of love is often overwhelmed by the overwhelming burden of many men.

"Should I go after her? "Is confession really necessary?" "Should I pass the consent of the other person to hold her hand?" "How do you relieve the pain when you fall out of love?" "None of these problems can be solved, and the exit will only be ridiculed," he said. Because in the growth process from no one can answer, can only turn to the constellation, divination, sister strategy.

But if you start to promote emotional education from campus, encourage children to understand the opposite sex, provide appropriate consultation resources, and answer doubts, perhaps boys can learn to deal with their emotions and confusion earlier, and do not think that the export is humiliating.

So, I pay to learn to get the sister really wrong?

Of course not.

It's not bad to learn to make yourself look good, funny, and behave properly. Even if the aim is to pursue love is also. It is human nature to aspire to be loved. As long as you do not harm others, anyone has the right to pursue a partner in their own way.

But if, in the process, you often feel lonely, anxious, and don't know where the right partner is for you (especially Valentine's Day, Christmas and cross-year). The following are recommended to you we also love to use the method, sometimes escape is not shameful, also very useful:

Disconnect the network

See the Community website friends continue to bask in the sun, travel photos, let you very unhappy? Remember, the essence of self-presentation on the social network is the kind of stage performance, which is not true. Try to break off the network one night and find something else to do.

Meet a friend.

Try to talk to your friends about your troubles, and you may find that many people have similar troubles and are not lonely.

to exercise

The sports meeting makes the mood more enjoyable. Different types of exercise also have their character. Jogging is suitable for meditation. Swimming is perfect for calmness. Having a coaching class can leave you with no flawless fantasies. Doing a lot of training in the gym and seeing people who are just as embarrassed as you will make you feel better.

Most of all, we keep advocating for girls to love themselves, but what I want to say is that so do boys. The meaning of loving yourself is for me: don't away the power to define who you are.

Don't give up the family or male friends who always ask you when to take off Lu; don't give up to the coach who emphasizes how to get true love; and, of course, don't give up to the goddess who doesn't know where people are at all.

Wish you a pleasant day.