Hearing the news of living together after the breakup, many friends will say: "Break up and live together, it is easy to compound because of delusions." "At first, I thought it would, but reality told me I wouldn't, because we didn't want to get back together recklessly."
One afternoon, I looked at the gray wall of the room, remembered when I had just moved in, and climbed low with her, and brushed it from the dilapidated pink into light grey. There is also a assembled furniture, from desks, chairs to failed bookshelves, and when the bed is not reached, the two of us sleep on the ground, but because we are not used to the new environment and insomnia night. There were few objects in the room at the time, and living and living were simple and satisfying.
With more and more furniture, clothes and books, our feelings are getting worse. The home is no longer a warm, exciting and romantic castle, and the floor turns into a cold plane covered with tears and trembling hands after a quarrel.
We began to have our own homes in the hot summer, and in the fall, our relationship ended in more than two years. After the breakup, we were still living together.
We thought cohabitation was the beginning of happiness.
As a pair of lesbians born and raised in Hong Kong, in fact, we have already come out of the cabinet and confess sexual orientation, apart from this, we are no different from the average couple. The family is ordinary, after graduating from college to find a job, and in the first head out of work, with the parents live together. In Hong Kong, there is a popular term "land problem", young couples often because of rent and property prices and can not live together, there is no private space to close, and do not expect to be able to live together in the early 20 to enjoy the life of the couple.
But who doesn't want to live in a cohabiting life with someone they love? Vaguely remember a Lukai lyrics: "Two girls a house outside, silent Wind floated" and this lyrics for me before cohabitation, is the reason for hard work, I often said: "My wish is a home, two people, a cat." (Recommended reading: I also want to talk about an ordinary love affair: You Love me, like Love a cat )
In the seam time before and after cohabitation, our date is occasionally spent the night in each other's homes, and the ability to take the time to go for a short trip, it seems to be won the jackpot, because there can be our space, experience the happiness of living together. There are also quarrelling to falling apart the time, also once lingered on the edge of parting.
After a compound, we decided to let go and try to live together. The first month sweet very, are in the purchase of furniture, at night to enjoy the university only film time, in each other's arms, feel a strong and powerful sense of security, home is finally a safe haven, and can wear underwear in the home to wander, without fear of the father to see embarrassment.
The conflict between work stress and living habits has allowed us to go further and further. She is a research assistant at a university, with more office work, introverted personality, and a type of easy to fall asleep. And I had just changed my job, the media work did not rest can be, the pressure is great. When I was on vacation, in order to relieve stress, either went out drinking or going to social occasions. She often stayed at home alone and waited quietly for me to come back. I secretly complained that she did not understand my infinite energy, she also felt neglected and not respected.
In fact, the contradictions and problems between us have long existed, which have involved mistrust, concealment, mental infidelity, unprovoked disappearance and emotional extortion, and so on. Between heterosexual couples, if there really is someone who "marries to redeem broken feelings," then maybe we all thought at the time that cohabitation could mend our relationship and let us settle down. (Recommended reading: cohabitation is good: Love mode from the beginning of a toothbrush invasion )
To continue cohabitation after a breakup, the most annoying thing is the others.
In the fall, we cried and peacefully decided to separate, because we knew that we could not just hang the title of a couple to continue to turn a blind eye to each other's cracks. This is not an easy decision, in addition to the need to adjust the way to get along with each other, re-underline, but also to face our common establishment of the home environment. At first, we took turns to live in our parents ' house, to see the convenience of ripping, their home became the loss of temperature of four square.
There are a few questions friends often ask, the first is "you broke up, how not to move?" 」
Because the lease is not full, and I do like it and can't say goodbye to the private space I created. How lovely and beautiful it is, how friendly the coffee shop is around, and how cute the tram is on the downstairs!
The second is "breakup and cohabitation, it is easy to compound because of delusions." 」
I thought it would at first, but reality told me I wouldn't, because we didn't want to get back together recklessly.
And then extend to the third question, "Do you still live together, not because you still have fantasies?" 」
It turned out that after countless disputes and scorched, our impressions of each other were quite pertinent.
And the talk behind us might still be, "are they still in the same room?" The same bed? 」
Originally broke up cohabitation this thing really will let other people's nerve touch, let me feel in other people's Eyes is "heterogeneous", "indiscreet", "not decisive enough." However, we all know very well that although we broke up, we are still willing to live together.
If we are all comfortable, why do we need to adapt to other people's normal imagination of relationships? The most annoying is not cohabitation with the previous , but rather the finger-pointing point of others.
It was only after we broke up that we learned to get along.
However, cohabitation after a breakup really makes me see where I'm not perfect and vulnerable. It turns out I can't accept that people who are so familiar with me disappear from life. After all, we have lived a long time, from the university to the present, my career before the upturn, my most childish side, the story of my family, she has seen and heard. I'm not sure I can be so candid with another person again, and I'm not ready to do that.
Moreover, the process of adjusting their mentality has also touched the wall, and this is an important lesson to learn to get along. How do I become a friend from my girlfriend's identity? Past possessiveness must be discarded, for example, you can not expect the other person to tell you the whereabouts and reserve a holiday, the other side will start their own life, and I need.
In fact, it is like the way to get along with friends, discard the negative impact of the relationship on the confession of communication, respect, and our intimate relationship into friends, see more of the other side of the past buried. For example, I do not love to go to bed early, like to write calligraphy, watch movies to the night, I do not need to converge. She loves to meet her friends and spend the weekend with her family, and she doesn't need to be afraid to make me angry.
In addition, I will cook cooking vegetables for her to eat, she will still fill the gap I do not want to wash dishes.
We watched "lobster" together.
"Lobster" (also known as "single Zoo", 2015 years film) is about in a dystopian world, the relationship is only non-black or white-in the dominant, strong anti-single forces, if someone has no partner, he will be turned into animals, such as lobster, cattle, dogs and so on. Opponents, on the other hand, resent the ideology and form a guerrilla team, while there can only be single people in the ranks, and any flirtatious, more grey area of friendship is not allowed, and violators are brutally punished.
This humorous and scary black and white film concept actually makes people reflect on our society's view of relationships. Perhaps a lot of people are snuggling with the former, some people are having an affair, some people have multiple partners, some people are never willing to talk about a formal relationship, or some people, like me and the former, still live together after the breakup, so by analogy, no one is completely black or white, the relationship is also.
I think if the real world does change to a single zoo, I've already changed a lobster with her, or a cat, or a goldfish.