Interview with the bank Ichiro: defining a relationship failure or success is very strange in itself

As a child to see fairy tales, a lot of plot now forget, but can not forget, is the last prince and Princess in the Hall before the oath of Love. At that time always thought, marriage, should be the only way to happiness.

Then we began to know that love is not the same as being able to keep together. But marriage is equal to the symbol of happiness, or tightly to their own: a few years old and not married Ah? How can this be happy? Run fast Ah, first into the auditorium is the life Victory Group.

"The original marriage, considering success or unsuccessful, winning or not winning is a strange idea. "In the morning, meet the teacher on the shore." He was in a suit, clean, and waist straight, but his look was unusually soft.

In an age when all emotions are quantified, the outcome of a relationship seems to be divided into failure and success, so is there a way to happiness?

People began to deal with interpersonal anxiety through Adler Psychology in the 2013 after the shore saw teacher, "the courage to be hated," was published in Taiwan. After six years, the bank saw the teacher with the new book "The Courage to Wander for love", once again with Adler Psychology, to eliminate the uneasiness in the intimate relationship.

The day shore saw the teacher sitting peacefully in position, seems to have been waiting, waiting for people to probing into happiness.

It's a strange idea to define a relationship that fails or succeeds.

People are afraid of failure. The bank saw the teacher in a gentle tone, but go straight the core of the problem. Ranking with achievements, competition with performance, always afraid of falling behind people. So abstract relationship, how to determine, we then go to see the conditions, your object has no economic advantage? Is social status high enough?

In Japan, the conditions for choosing a mate are so-called "three high": high salaries, high academic qualifications and high height. The teacher said, I nodded, Taiwan also has this statement, called the Life Victory Group. It seems that the measure is clear enough that intimacy victory is easier to compare. In this kind of psychology after everyone is not willing to live, began to use three high conditions to choose a partner.

But the three high is not able to lasting the state ah, we are very clear, but choose to take these conditions as the standard into a relationship, then when the expectation of the relationship can no longer meet you, what should you do? How do you go on when you didn't take into account the intimacy of personality traits?

Reduce the quantification of a relationship to understand what a person really looks like.

The bank went on to talk to his family, "I have a son who got married last year, and the two of them met on the mountain." "I close, wash my ears and listen," in the mountains, there will be no restrictions on external conditions, they are together because they have the same preferences for the mountains, and then return to real life, only to know that the woman is older than the man. I don't know what it's like in Taiwan, but in Japan, when you choose a woman older than you, what do you think when you get married (society)? It takes two people a lot of determination and courage to be together. 」

His hands crossed and knocked on the table, earnest and pious:

"I have great respect for a decision like my son's. 」

The subject of marriage is a nutrient that two people love.

But think about it, a relationship that only looks at each other's personality traits, is it all right from now on?

In the relationship between communication and marriage, he first likened: Before marriage, like the celebration of life, is more prepared for a layer, hope to give the other side to see the good side, to surprise each other, occasionally personally for the partner to cook, after marriage, the problem of household distribution also emerged, which must be faced.

Under these two mindsets, the subject is different, the former may be to let the other side see their own good side; the latter is thinking about how to let the other side see the real self. Shore See teacher stressed that these two mentality is not who is right and who is wrong, just have their own differences. But this means that when you are not ready to accept the real person, to enter into married life, there will be a doorway.

A long period of living together will extend many problems. Whether it is an internal or external environmental problem, two people face together, is a kind of love to set up a family. And the difficulties experienced here, are to cultivate the two people love the nutrients needed.

"Like a bird flying in the air, the headwind is always a booster." 」

Although the resistance of the wind makes it shake, or even turn, it is because of resistance that the birds fly higher and farther. If in a vacuum, even if there are wings, can not fly ah. You can't expect a quiet marriage that will allow each other to go far away. Family love, will not stop growing because of entering marriage, every time to face the problem together, will let the emotional layer of overlap.

You love people, not objects, and you can't manipulate each other to leave your heart on yourself.

I am curious to ask the bank to see the teacher, the intimate relationship in the conflict and dispute, there is no better way to look at it? Shore See teacher do not want to blame either side, but with deep empathy, hold those injured in the relationship of the hand, said it is OK, I know you also want to pursue happiness.

We are all the same ah, only occasionally in the wrong way, see the partner's behavior is not as good as their own, on the lit, or with the event is not related to the sour words to stab others, but ignore the power of simple language communication.

There is only one way to solve a quarrel, which is to "get out of the atmosphere of quarrelling."

Remove the negative emotions in communication, and when the other person communicates with you, he will indeed receive the message and do as you wish. If today the other side said to go for a drink, you do not have to rush to ask who to drink, what time to go home, as long as a sentence "Have a little fun ah!" "It's possible for the other person to come back early."

Speaking of which, I am a little confused, nervous thinking, that in the relationship, love can be expanded to how big? Is there a bottom line for the inclusion of love?

The bank asked the teacher, have you heard Patti Page's "Tennessee Waltz (Tennessee Waltz)"? I shook my head.

The girl in the song sang, she and her lover in the Tennessee Waltz, met their friends, so generous to introduce girls and friends to the lover to know. I didn't think, and then my friend and lover fell in love.

After listening to the lyrics, the heart feels bitter, but the shore to see the teacher seems to always see through people's worries, comforting said that there are two things in the world can not be forced: one is "respect", the other is "love." The most realistic place in love is that you let go, and the other person does leave. But regret can not be avoided, you love is people, not objects, can never control each other's heart to stay on their own.

Sometimes in order to make the other person love themselves and make a lot of efforts, "but your efforts can only be" let the other person finally want to be with you "" If this is the direction of your efforts, but only with anger to force the other side, that is the wrong direction. "

At the ball, there will be occasions like "swap partners," in the last Dance of the French ode, there is a saying that no matter how the partner changes, "also to leave me a final dance." And the so-called love, is even if you see a lover and others happy dance, they will be happy, because you trust each other, but also know in the bottom of my heart, will eventually leave the last dance time to each other.

In persevering for each other to maintain flexibility, try to trust, "such a simple truth, but also make the relationship become very simple, and easy to get happiness." 」

Interview with the next article: interview with the shore Ichiro: We are not to become happy, but to perceive that the moment is happiness