When chatting, when my boyfriend inadvertently mentioned his ex-girlfriend, I would go after to ask: who Is she? How much do you like her? How did you get in touch? For a long time, he began to get bored with behavior like mine. "Things of the past can't be changed!" "He said impatiently. In fact, I also hate such a self.
I met him on a social occasion and have been dating for more than a year now. Before we met each other, we each interacted with 3 or so objects. The process of communication, inevitably some ups and downs, but the overall is very smooth, and is now becoming more and more stable. That said, I'm pretty concerned about his past.
He is a man who is good at dealing with girls, whether in love or friendship. He was handy in the emotional world, and there was no shortage of girl admiration around him. If his predecessor did not count, he had also been ambiguous or slept with many girls. Although he is now very kind to me, and has nothing to do with his predecessors, let alone to other girls to do more than a moment of behavior, I am still nervous.
When he chatted, when he inadvertently mentioned "those girls," I would start to ask go after: Who is she? What is your name? How long have you been ambiguous? How much do you like her? How did you end up in contact? He usually answers truthfully, but over time, he is also bored with behavior like mine. (Scene in the same field:"single diary" I Hate your ex-girlfriend )
When I learned their names, I couldn't help but go on a Facebook search and "peek" at their pictures-is it prettier than me and cuter than me? Isn't it in good shape? Me, what did he like about her in the first place? I would look at the messages he had posted under her post, the interactions they had left on the community site, and then began to get jealous.
Sounds boring, even a little morbid. But it seems that if you do not do this, do not "know exactly" what, I can not feel at ease. Curiosity can kill cats, which is true.
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Originally just want to put us/sew more tightly/But forget the hand on the needle/will stab people--〈 sorry ", Xu Peifen
We began to have a big and small argument because of this matter. "Things of the past can't be changed!" I'm not being nice to you right now, am I? "He said so. Yeah, he's really been nice to me. He rode the place I had, far more than they did; it took care of me to the extreme, cared for me, and showed that he attached great importance to me.
I think such a self, so annoying. What the hell do you want? Probably not only did he want to ask me that, but I wanted to ask myself the same thing. Me, what the hell do you want?
Relationship psychology: Let the "Past" Pass!
If you are also, like the protagonist in the story, very concerned about your partner's past, and even often feel jealous, Robert L. Leahy, a professor of cognitive therapy and psychology in specialising, brings you some advice:
- Face the mood
- "Jealous" emotions are normal, and you don't have to be ashamed. It is the desire of primitive humans to be the only and forever of the other half, and any competition can be seen as a current threat.
- Admit that you are in pain and discomfort with this matter. Anxiety, anger, sadness, or helplessness can all interfere with your relationship with the other half. When these feelings arise, don't pour all your emotions into each other and give yourself some soothing time.
- There must have been a reason for his predecessor to become a predecessor. The end of a relationship usually comes from one or both of them who believe that it has lost its meaning. So the end of the relationship means it may not be that important to your partner.
- Dealing with relationships
- When you are jealous, don't treat the other half with a judgment eye and a questioning tone, otherwise he may feel uncomfortable with your attitude. Doing so will only increase the sense of anxiety and alienate each other.
- We often want to control the other half's thoughts or feelings, which is a romantic perfectionism. But to do so will only add to the troubles of both sides.
- Focus on making it better now: the other half of the past, it doesn't matter, it's more important how you two deal with the present. Questioning and blaming will not make you any closer. Don't cling to reflection on the past and try to love each other as much as you can. In the past, let it stay in the past.
You love him, and you love the time he's been through.
In your current temperament, hide the books you have read, the way you have gone, the people you have loved. -"North African Espionage" (Casablanca)
You fell in love with him, long before I met you, has gone through a long road. Time grinds away his corners, and he is rich in his heart.
In the past, has become a part of him now. His predecessor, too, shaped a part of him.
Meet the people you want to meet in tens of millions of people, in thousands of years, the boundless wilderness of time, not one step earlier, not a step later, happened to catch up. --Zhang Ailing
You do not necessarily meet in each other's most youthful years, but love in the age of Fate.
When you came, you didn't catch up with his past. But you have, he holds your hand today, now, at this moment.