"I can't be too happy, or I'll be overjoyed and get out of the bag." "I'm afraid of failure." I don't know what other people will think of me. 」
This is anxiety, it is a very normal emotional response. But when anxiety takes over your life, scholar Olivia Remes says it can be alleviated by three tricks.
Because too afraid of future failure, so even if the status quo is clearly very good, still dare not be happy. If you fail, don't know what other people will think of me--do these questions haunt you and often feel uneasy about them?
This is anxiety (anxiety). In fact, it's a normal emotional response. It allows people to stay focused and deal with crises. Just if it appears too often and has a serious impact on life, you may need some help.
Olivia Remes, a scholar specializing in anxiety research at the University of Cambridge in Remes, teaches us how to identify symptoms of anxiety disorders and 3 simple ways to relieve ourselves in THIS TED talk.
Fear of failure, not to be happy, afraid of the eyes of others? It could be anxiety.
Please imagine that you are going to a friend's party. You were obviously excited before you set off, but you were also a little nervous. As time gets closer, you gradually feel the stomach of the meadow, something is pulling you, trying not to let you feel the slightest pleasure.
"You can't be too happy." You'd better stay alert at all times, or you may be out of the bag right away. "There's a voice in the head that says. So on the way, you start to worry about who I'm supposed to talk to after the party? What should I do if no one talks to me? Will it be strange that I dress up today?
And when you arrive at the scene, someone wants to talk to you. But you are too nervous, the whole person's thoughts Mercedes, the heart beats faster, full of sweat. You are afraid to say the wrong thing, and you can't focus on what you're talking about. Then, you feel the soul pulling away from the body, just standing next to it and looking at your mouth.
"Come back soon." "You say to yourself."
But things just get worse and you start stuttering. A few minutes later, when the man left, you were exhausted.
This thing has been bothering your social life for a long time. Every time you go out, as long as you're in a place with a lot of people, you start to feel anxious. You're afraid to be surrounded by people, like on a crowded bus, and you feel hot and nauseous. So, in order to avoid this situation, you let yourself avoid attending the crowded situations that make you feel lonely and isolated. (Reference data: uncertain anxiety: I'd rather take the initiative to choose a bad ending because I'm afraid )
"In fact, you and these people who have the same situation may have anxiety disorders (anxiety disorder)," Remes said. 」
What I want to tell you is that anxiety disorders are a symptom that is far more common than people think. At this very moment, on average, 1 out of every 14 people in the world have anxiety disorders. Anxiety disorders can lead to depression, recess, and even suicide. It makes it difficult to focus on work and can easily lead to damage to relationships. But many people do not know about this matter, people often think that tension is only a sign of weakness, must rely on willpower to overcome.
But anxiety disorders are far more complicated than that.
One of the reasons people don't take it seriously is that they don't know exactly what "anxiety disorder" is. Is this a personality trait? Or a disease? Or is it a common emotion?
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What is anxiety disorder? Is it not the same as general anxiety?
General anxiety and anxiety disorders, there is a difference.
General anxiety, is the human body under the source of stress, will produce a normal response. For example, when you stand on the outer edge of the forest, you come to a bear. This will make you feel anxious and you will want to turn around and run away. This anxiety is a good response because it can protect you and save you from dangerous situations. (Although it may not be a good idea to see the bear running away.) ）
"Anxiety itself is good," Remes cautioned. It helps us deal with the crises we encounter in our lives. But if you're not dealing with an extremely important threat, you're still finding that your anxiety levels are being pulled to a very high level, and you may have a condition of anxiety disorder. 」
According to the American Psychological Association, about 30% of American adults suffer from anxiety disorders throughout their lives. And the number of women is higher than that of men. In addition, anxiety disorders include many subcategories, such as:
- Generalized Anxiety disorder (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
- Panic disorder (Panic Disorder)
- Phobia and specific phobia (Phobias, Specific Phobia)
- Square phobia (Agoraphobia)
- Social anxiety disorder (Anxiety Disorder)
- Isolation anxiety Disorder (Separation Anxiety Disorder)
Three ways to help you improve your anxiety
Remes pointed out that whether it is general anxiety, or anxiety disorder, in fact, there are simple personal methods can be improved.
At Cambridge University, our study found that women, usually in countries with lower average incomes, were more likely to have anxiety than women in countries with higher incomes. However, there is a point that if women in these lower-income countries know more about the resources (coping resource), their anxiety can be slowed down.
The so-called response resources refer to all the resources that people obtain from their personal traits, groups, and environments that can be used to assist individuals in adapting to stress.
That is, in response to resources do not need to ask for, you can develop a response resource on your own. It's also a way to give yourself strength. Today we talk about three simple ways to deal with it.
The first trick to get a sense of control back for life
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If people have more sense of control over their lives, they will have better mental health, Remes said. So you should be more involved in things that will give you a sense of control.
For example, have you ever loved to procrastinate to do things because you always feel like you're not ready? Do you find it difficult to decide, including what to wear, what to eat, and what to do? Do you often waste a lot of time thinking about doing or not doing? In the face of this lack of sense of control over life, Remes believes that the best solution is:
Desperately to do it. (Do it badly.)
If you don't do it directly, you'll spend an hour hesitating whether you want to start or not.
We often ask for perfection too much, resulting in nothing being done in the end. We tend to set our goals too high. Think that they can never find the perfect start time, also did not develop enough skills, so constantly delayed. But when you do it recklessly and for good or bad, you will feel: it turns out that it's so easy to start something.
Even if you do it directly, and you feel like you're acting bad right now. Once you look back, you tend to find that they're not really that bad. This gives us the wings to take risks and try very different things. You will also be more likely to feel happy throughout the process.
So, if there are things that have been planned for a long time, please do it directly, and then improve it while doing it.
A second trick, forgive yourself.
This is a very powerful technique. Think about it, if you have a friend who is always accusing you of doing everything wrong, you should want to get rid of him right away. But anxious people do it to themselves every day, and they are not tolerant of themselves at all. Start today, please forgive yourself for every mistake you make.
If you have an anxiety disorder, you hate that you're always not doing well. Put it down. If you really want to make friends with someone, but you just don't do it well and put it down. (You might like: What if you are rejected?) Psychology solves dating anxiety disorder )
It's not easy, but Remes says, try to forgive yourself for everything.
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A third trick, please find a way to live a life of purpose and meaning
No matter how much we do, how much money we have, but it's not as good as we know there are some people who need us so much, and we work for them. When your heart is carrying a group of people to do something, it can often help you get through the hardest levels. (Extended reading: you have to believe that you deserve an interesting life )
You will know the meaning of your existence. So, you might as well ask yourself, have you done at least one thing this is to help others? For example, you can go to work as a volunteer. For example, you can communicate this simple knowledge to others. It's also a way that when people don't have a budget to receive psychotherapy, we can advise him to help himself.
Complete the task that you think is meaningful to the world, and think that you are helping others. If they can't find out right away, it doesn't matter.
Because in the process you will also realize that your life is important and unique. Bless you.