After breaking up for a long time, I was slow to put him down, so I began to try to hate him. Criticizing his present, there is a thrill of relief; but, once the pleasure has passed, I only feel exhausted. At one point, I suddenly couldn't cry in control. I just found out that I had never really got better.
"I don't seem to like you that much anymore." "That's what he said about breaking up, that's all." I knew something was wrong between us, but I didn't think it was enough for us to decide to separate-no, it wasn't for us to decide together, it was his unilateral decision.
"For lovers trapped in love, breaking up is like death, and it's always going to happen to someone else." "--" You didn't Say goodbye, "Orange.
At that time, I remembered this passage. I didn't retain it, except to see the affirmation of his eyes, and because it wasn't the first time he had mentioned breaking up. This time, I want to leave a little bit of my dignity for myself, a little bit good. After all, the first few disputes, but also I bow, back down, just ask him not to leave. (Recommended reading:"single diary" This day you decide to take care of yourself more than anyone else )
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On the day of the breakup, after saying goodbye to him, I turned around and shed tears. Every night after that, I cried with quilts in my arms until I fell asleep and dragged tired to work the next day.
So far, he has been breaking up with him for three months. By deleting Facebook and Instagram, it was thought that no longer looking at the community site, you could avoid touching his message and find yourself wrong. He doesn't just exist in my past life, it doesn't just exist in the circle of mutual friends, he exists in every gap in my life.
Wake up in the morning, pick up the bedside phone, the screen is empty tablecloth, without his good morning greetings, I was in the hazy, realized that he had long since left. After work, walking on the way home, always think of the past every time he sent me home scene, we pull hands to swing, see the shadow along with the shaking; now, the streetlights only pull me a figure slender.
I couldn't let him go, so I started trying to hate him. I think back to the past, every place he made me hate: He was always male, he always did not admit that he had made a mistake, he was always fastidious ... he ignored my love and pay, he and I broke up, he really bad. I try to convince myself that he is very bad, there is really nothing to miss Ah! When they met and chatted with their sisters, they accompanied me to say that his was not.
Criticism of his present, there is a relief pleasure; however, once the pleasure has passed, I only feel exhausted, and then still can't help but miss him.
Once, when I was talking with my sister, I suddenly sad and couldn't cry in control. It was then that I found out that I had never really got better. (Scene in the same field: believe in your ability to heal: Cry!) But remember not too long )
Relationship Psychology: More effective healing is diverting attention
Suzanne Lachmann Psy.D. It was pointed out that, in the process of healing, it was quite normal and inevitable to aspire to a former beloved predecessor. In addition to letting time dilute the emotion of the other half and keeping a distance from your ex, she suggests, it also helps you get better in shape after the breakup.
In the study of "Down-Regulation of Love Feelings after a Romantic Break-Up" (2018), Sandra J.E. Langeslag and Michelle E. Sanchez tested how Reduce the subjects ' feelings for their former partner.
They defined love regulation as the use of behavioral or cognitive strategies to change the subjects "feelings of love for their former partners. They tried two separate methods, one was to let the subjects make negative comments about their former partner, and the other was to distract the subjects and turn their attention to other things.
Based on the results of the experiment, they found that:
- Negative reviews of former partners, while reducing the subjects "feelings of love for their former partners, made the subjects more unhappy.
- Shifting attention to other things does not affect the subjects ' sense of love for their former partner, but the subjects become happy.
The results point out that after the breakup, "distraction" has a degree of help in healing and developing positive emotions.
When you keep saying to yourself, "I hate him" and "I'm going to put it down," it's actually reminding myself of the existence of "he" over and again.
A better way, in fact, is to let yourself look away. When your eyes no longer focus on your predecessors, in your vision, you can accommodate the vast expanse and scenery of the world.
Admit it! Your love, it used to exist.
In fact, you don't have to blame or criticize your predecessor for being worthless. After all, you like that kind of him, you have been in love with each other after all. No matter what you break up for, no matter how bad you feel about him now, the love of the past is really there.
Miss him? It doesn't matter, just miss it. You don't have to force yourself to wipe him out of his head completely. Remember when you wrote a typo with a pencil? You pick up the eraser and keep wiping it back and forth on the paper, but even if it seems to erase the wrong words, it still leaves some faint pen marks.
That love has existed, but he's gone, and you're going to move on. Forward, is not necessarily full of courage to ride the wind and waves, can also be flat wave slow forward, along the water flow slowly.
"Use 10 years/just to make your love/forget some/have been the person I love the most/do you feel glorious and glorious/This is a love that will end anyway/You are the kind of person who should love you in any case"--〈 ten years, Lin Wanyu
The temperature you have in this relationship is already different. When he parted, he took a cold look at your last glance, said goodbye to you, and left. Your heart is still hot, but nowhere to be placed, almost let oneself burn.
Cherish the heart that you continue to beat, and one day it will boil for the more deserving of people.
He has his yearning, it doesn't matter. You have your ignition, your blazing, your distance.