TED Talk on Female Anger: I want to be a happy feminist, but it's really hard

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Can female anger change the world?

"I tried to be a happy feminist, but I found myself always angry. (I tried to be a joyful feminist, but I was very angry.)" French New Wave director Anne Walda, who passed away on March 29, once said. [1]

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She is not lonely. After all, in a chaotic era, it is difficult for anyone to live well without a little anger.

Is there really a way for women's anger to change the world?

TED TALK recently invited TIME columnist Soraya Chemaly[2] to talk about how women's anger has long been distorted into a negative energy by society. And in contemporary times, she suggested that it is time for women to release such anger and improve the general environment. As a mother and a writer, she has a lot to say.

Long-term gendered and misinterpreted female anger

Women's anger has long been portrayed by gendered stereotypes. Chemeli said. "To this day, we are teaching children to deal with emotions in extreme ways. Boys are raised in a distorted, repressed masculine quality, and girls are required to obey, to obey your elders, to your clothes, and preferably to smooth your frizzy hair."

This has led to women expressing anger that are often considered vexatious. More often, women are humiliated and ridiculed for being angry: they ask, why are you angry?

When women express anger, they are first stereotyped as if their anger is a taste. Pick your taste. Are you a choking sexy Latina woman? Or an angry and sad Asian girl? Angry African women? Or a white woman like a crazy woman? Secondly, they are more likely to incur more anger from others by expressing their anger.

This is because society often expects men to have "masculinity": including bravery, strength, decisiveness, martial arts, etc. Women, on the other hand, are expected to have "femininity", which includes characteristics such as gentleness, carefulness, consideration, and good communication. However, this is by no means the norm, or even the norm.

Although anger is only an ordinary emotion, when people express anger, it is believed to strengthen a man's masculinity, but it dilutes the feminine qualities that women "should". Men are sometimes rewarded or rewarded for their anger, while women are often punished only.

This differential treatment is likely to lead to serious consequences. Chemeli said. Once unable to express their anger, "it will cause women to have irreparable disadvantages even though they want to protect themselves when they are hurt." Take a simple example.

"Sometimes we have to deal with all kinds of street pick-ups, unreasonable employers, sexist classmates. Even though our minds are already desperately yelling 'Are you kidding? What the hell are you talking about?' But what we say can often only be: 'Excuse me, may I ask?' 」

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Even now, we consider ourselves gender equal, but this problem is repeated in our daily lives, Chemeli said. Even in a way that seems to be nonchalant.

"My daughter faces this kind of thing every day. She was in the nursery, and every morning she built a beautiful little castle with blocks and ribbons. And then, in the same way, every day a little boy triumphantly came to push it down. His parents were obviously next to him, but they never stopped him. They will just say afterwards, 'You know, boys will be boys.' He can't control himself.' And what did I do? I do what many women are taught to do: I try to keep the peace. And I want my daughter to be like me. So my daughter just moved the castle to a small corner of the classroom to make sure it wasn't disturbed by anyone."

So, I worked with other adults to create this kind of environment that gave men privileges. Little boys can run around and control the environment as they please, while little girls can only hide their thoughts in their hearts and meet the boy's needs.

This is a concrete and small example of how the world works by valuing the value of men and the benefits and power that masculinity brings, rather than the actual needs of women and children.

By denying girls the right to anger, we are actually losing on both sides of the gender.

She pointed out that the result is definitely not just male dominance and oppression of women. But it's even more serious: we are very likely to usher in a lose-lose future. Men don't learn from it and don't think they should respect women or others, which often has a more serious negative impact on society in the long run.

As women, we often ignore the signs of our anger. And even if you feel angry, you still have to show patience, kindness and kindness. American sociologist Arile Hochschild once described this phenomenon as "emotional labor". It refers to the expression of certain emotions by people managing and expressing them as a profession. The most famous examples are flight attendants and debt collectors.

Hoshild studied the experience of flight attendants serving passengers in the cabin. It was found that these practitioners, who were mostly women, were asked to absorb the negative emotions caused by the discomfort of the voyage and transform them into positive emotional expressions as a kind of service labor.

And, in many women's experiences, emotional labor is not only not rewarded, but is often taken for granted by social norms. It seems that women are naturally better suited to be emotional workers. (Additional screening at the same scene: housekeeping, fake orgasm, smiling service: emotional labor is not a woman's talent)

In the long run, such emotional labor also causes a physical burden on women. Chemeli pointed out that a growing number of recent studies have found that women's anger, which has been suppressed and ignored for a long time, is associated with a variety of diseases, which are often considered "women's diseases". For example: unexplained chronic pain, eating disorders, anxiety disorders, depression, and even a tendency to self-harm. (Read more: TED Talks to get you out of anxiety: Honey, what you need most is to forgive yourself)

But in fact, women's anger can change the world

"I'm tired of women having to endure these troubles. Our anger brings a lot of discomfort, but in fact, anger should also be used for positive effects."

"People who are able to process their anger and find meaning in it are often more creative, more optimistic, more likely to develop close relationships with others, and more often become problem solvers. It is also more politically efficient."

"I'm a person who writes about women and emotions, so few people in power will take what I'm going to say next as an important political issue," Chemeli said.

However, when people talk about politics and anger, they often think of it as a symbol of the right, a masculine tendency that specifically fuels fascism. But no. If anger is a poison, it is also a possible antidote.

Women often express their anger because we still have hope for the world. We came with the resistance of women and marginalized groups. There is also passion, empathy, and love in our anger.

We must recognize that the nature of anger is complex. And there is no shame in having this anger. It doesn't necessarily only lead to the destruction of relationships or broken plates, it often represents how seriously we take ourselves. We also expect others to take us as seriously. She said.

Please respect and be kind to yourself.

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I want to be a happy feminist, but it's really hard

Let's go back to the beginning of the article, Anne Warda's famous quote: "I want to be a happy feminist, but I'm always angry."

Everyone wants to be a happy feminist. But in the face of bizarre social conditions, we understand that it is really difficult not to be angry. In just a few decades of growing up, we who care about gender issues have witnessed great trauma and rebirth in society, but we have also seen the energy of many women indeed bring about change in society:

• After Peng Wanru's murder, women's groups launched a march, bringing an opportunity to amend the Sexual Assault Crime Prevention Law.
• Actress Ross McGowan, who stepped forward to expose the Weinstein scandal despite the powerful legal team, fired the first shot of #Metoo, and the movement has not stopped to this day.
• Journalist Shiori Ito, who bravely spoke out about being sexually assaulted by the governor, brought an opportunity to discuss sexual assault in the workplace in conservative and oppressive Japan.
• U.S. Senator Olgarthi Curtiz, who is not afraid of conservative forces and feminist ridicule, has become a rising star in American politics.
• Unable to stand the police's incompetence in handling the case, Yin Zhiwu, who has testified for Zhang Ziyan's case many times, rekindled hope for the unsolved case ten years ago.

One by one, the group portraits of women show us that in the face of social injustice, women's anger can indeed bring change to the world. If you can feel the same way, after watching TED Talks, please be gentle with yourself who is always angry. Don't forget to tell yourself that such anger is natural.

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You feel angry because you care about the world and want to do more for it. It is not a fantasy if we can all find a suitable way to vent anger and transform it into meaningful power to change the world.

Don't forget anger. Don't suppress it either.

It's about accepting it and taking it with you. Hopefully we can all move towards a better future.