The last fairy tale to break down? Please give the parties time to deal with, also give us time to think for ourselves

On the evening of April 16, 2019, Hong Kong star Xu Zhi'an, who had been married to Zheng Xiuwen for six years, held a press conference in Hong Kong to publicly apologize for the mistakehes he had made. His "mistake" was in his marriage to Zheng Xiuwen, in which a third party intervened. He confessed his mistake at the press conference, saying, "I want to say sorry to you personally and sincerely, and I would like to apologize to my family, Sammi's family, friends and those who love me, because I have done an irreparable and unforgivable thing, for this mistake I deeply reflect on myself. I'm an ugly person, so I'm here today to take responsibility. 」

Apology news, attracted the attention of Hong Kong and Taiwan and other local media, overnight, netizens will be two people's past love history turned out to climb comb, trying to find Xu Zhi'an's marriage infidelity traces. Various media also did not keep up with the major events in the entertainment circle of the film, with "Xu Zhi'an stealing betrayal", "Zheng Xiuwen crash heartbreak" and other titles rushed to update the marital status of the two people.

In a series of discussions about their marriage, we see three phenomena.

Pictures :pixta Gallery

The relationship between the emotional state of public figures and the public?

Public Discussion on the Intimate Relationship of Public Figures

The media used "Hong Kong's last fairy tale to break down" and "golden child jade relationship broke down" to describe the incident, while netizens under the news message also said " it turns out that the fairy tale will only be in the storybook!" 」。 Apart from reflecting the influence of public figures, the public's concern also proves that public figures to some extent represent "the true trust of the beautiful imagination in the public's mind", and we have given Zheng Xiuwen and Xu Zhi'an the seals of "fairy tales" and "golden girls" because they just meet our " The fantasy of perfect love, now did not expect the perfect relationship also has a crack ingress day.

We were surprised and surprised, so before the woman had yet to take a stand, we rushed to express their opinions in the community in a "collective breakdown" manner, scolding the wrongpeople and projecting our anger at "the collapse of perfect love" on them.

Images s/web screenshots

Images s/web screenshots

The image of the woman being sad

Before this article was published, Zheng Xiuwen has not yet publicly responded to this incident, but also because of such a statement, so that the public has room for speculation, and even some media release Zheng Xiuwen recently because of preparations for the concert show fatigue of the film, trying to lead a line between Zheng Xiuwen's qi and Xu Zhi'an's derailment, side knock out " The woman must be very sad" conclusion, rushed for Zheng Xiuwen to express emotions.

According to the Hong Kong media East Net, Zheng Xiuwen moved out of the house he shared with Xu Zhi'an on the afternoon of April 17 and has temporarily refused to contact the outside world. Although we have no way of knowing Zheng Xiuwen's psychological state, but with its eager to help her put up a "very sad" label, to build a sad female image, perhaps, we should be more for the couple to reserve some private space.

Images s/web screenshots

Stereotypes of strong men and women

Zheng Xiuwen and Xu Zhi'an love run for nearly 25 years, the two people along the way has always been considered by the outside world as a "strong female strong male weak" combination, there are some netizens think that the long-term relationship between strong and weak women is not equal, may be one of the reasons Xu Zhi'an cheated. But we can't help but ask, why do strong men in a state of inferiority, thinking that they are no better than their partners?

It is considered that strong and strong male is not conducive to intimate relations, and there is also a stereotype of gender role distribution behind it. Society expects boys to bear the financial expenditure at home, must have some success in the career, become the breadwinner in the home, invisibly, in addition to suppressing women's achievements and performance in the workplace, but also let men in the invisible burden of great pressure. (Recommended reading: Is it a woman's fault to make everything wrong?) Double standard sedating from "Wang Baoqiang's Divorce" )

The possibility of marriage and intimacy co-existence

From the discussion of the relationship between Zheng Xiuwen and Xu Zhi'an, in fact, our imagination and projection of relationship, most of the time, from the "template" we see, whether from the idol drama, from the film, or from the star.

With the rose-tinted imagination of intimacy, perhaps we should ask ourselves more, what are our imaginations and expectations of marriage?

Woman-obsessed station writer, psychologist Sea Moss Bear once said, "Is this really the marriage I want?" Twenty of the marriage killers hiding "but" mention:

Psychologists have found that poorer couples are more likely to divorce (Kurdek, 1993) -- but Orbuch et al. (2002) have also found that the effect disappears after controlling education and race. What really matters is not how much money the couple make, but how much money his wife makes more than Mr. Rogers (2004) also found that if a wife's salary to pay more than half of the cost of the family, it is easier to divorce than families that "pay flat" or "husband".

Such psychological findings, precisely can verify the above-mentioned explanation of Zheng Xiuwen and Xu Zhi'an is often considered to be "strong and weak" marriage situation.

In fact, the strength and weakness of the intimate relationship should be the result of rational discussion and distribution between two people, rather than the single criteria of social identification. Even more we should understand that there may be no so-called strong and weak differences, some are only different strengths, mainly responsible for different areas. Society for the role of the relationship in the imagination may also be more multi-open, the operation of marriage can bebecause each partner has different choices and different forms, marriage and strength is not related, only with love and family.

But in a contemporary where love and marriage are considered two different things, how can we learn to love in marriage?

Deng Huiwen, a longtime writer who has written about marriage and relationships, wrote a book, "Lost In Marriage," in 2018, and in an interview with women, Deng Wassa-on-Man pointed out that we don't think there will be love in marriage. Therefore, to solve the marriage without love, most people will choose to be outside the marriage or through other means to solve. (Recommended reading: Interview with Deng Huiwen: "Please don't embrace baby-like fantasies about love anymore"

It is undeniable that most people tend to think that "in marriage, the expectation of love must be given up", but why is marriage so recognized? Why do two people love each other and live together, why do they go to the "grave of feelings"? "We should think about marriage and love in the same basket, " says Mr Deng. 」

Photo A film, "The Killer Is Not Sleeping".

Indeed, marriage is much harder than love, and we begin to live together, meet difficulties and tie together, and begin to show each other that only the family can see that side. In the face of such a relationship change, some people cover up do not look at feelings only to see family, some people turn their heads to use the pursuit drama to meet, some people choose to fall in love outside marriage. We may try various ways to get love again, but almost none of them is to go back to marriage and re-run it with the person who was already in love.

In Zheng Xiuwen and Xu Zhi'an's news feel reluctant and blessing at the same time, we can actually take the opportunity to think, then our own? What kind of marriage and intimacy do we want to pursue? What kind of self do we want to be by entering into an intimate relationship? You may find that these seemingly "others" questions are not so easy to answer when they are pulled back on yourself.

As Zheng Xiuwen has previously written on his own community software: "Marriage is invisible but physical, and every stage of marriage is also a lifelong learning." I estimate that there is no shortcut, can only step by step experience, in order to truly reflect the "step by step" happiness. 」

Hong Kong Star Ma Guoming, the person involved in the incident, said yesterday (4/17): "In fact, after I know this matter, I quickly have no feeling of anger, I am very calm, I quickly become worried, I am very worried about this matter involved in all the people involved, any one of the hurt, I do not want." 」

"As for the fact that Mr. Anchai himself has spoken, and i will not comment on what An Chai said, I will not comment on it, because I think that no one in the world is entitled to speak, except for Mrs. An chai, in fact, no one is qualified to speak, so I hope that this matter will be calmed down as soon as possible." 」

Let's keep the discussion of intimacy in the intimate relationship together. Zheng Xiuwen and Xu Zhi'an's marriage is under way, and each of us is close to each other is also continuing, no one can avoid, who will learn in this process valuable experience.