Happiness is a word that we have known since we were literate, but may never really understand it. Do you think you know enough about happiness? Can happiness be defined or captured? Is there any way to get it by hard work? Writer Ye Yang in the women fans I love my Happy Life Festival live, share with you about happiness, you do not know, unfamiliar three things.

Do you believe that "happiness is born with an ability"?

John Lennon, the lead singer of the Beatles, once commented for the joy:

When I was five years old, my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. After school, they asked me what my dream of volunteering when I grew up. I wrote "Happy". They said I didn't figure out the problem, I told them they didn't figure out life.

Every May, the "Women's Fan I Love Me" event, which invites readers to respond to the "Love Yourself" issue, is officially in its sixth year, loving ourselves as an exercise, and this time we talk about happiness and superpowers. About the first lesson of happiness, we must first know that happiness is bound to be accompanied by unhappiness, to understand what is happiness, we must first start with "unhappy" to understand.

In early summer 2019, just as the weather was about to heat up, writer Ye Yang released a new book, "My Injury," about how she was hurt as a mother, how she came face to face with the wound, and how she felt about the injury. (Recommended reading: Write to the injured Interview Ye Yang: Tragedy is a rain, you are here, proving that you are bigger than that rain)

As the first salon speaker of the 2019 I Love My Happy Life Festival, Ye Yang said, Before we talk about happiness, let's talk about sadness.

"Sad people are not weak"

"People always like to celebrate, also like bright things, we will celebrate the happy things, but do not allow themselves to feel sad for too long. Ye Yang does not understand such strangeness, that the reluctance to accept and face their own negative emotions is the main reason for our unhappiness. (Recommended reading: Is your happiness "broken"? Pretending to be happy is better than facing pain)

Accept all your emotions, including good and bad, including highs and lows, that's part of us. "I recently read a book in which i mentioned that "pain" is a human-specific feeling, and that animals can feel "pain", but they can't feel "pain", and only humans will feel bitter. Regarding pain, Ye Yang has a set of his own understanding, and emphasizes that "pain" is the understanding and interpretation of "pain" by mankind. Instead of being deeply in pain, think of it as something that only human beings can experience, their own emotions, and focus on feeling the present.

"Furthermore, a sad person is not weak, and if you feel that a sad person is weak, it is a form of discrimination. Just as everyone has the ability to make ourselves happy, we have all felt sad, admitted that their grief is not disgraceful, nor fragile, anyway, is open-minded, full understanding of their own display.

Ye Yang has a unique insight into grief, and so is happiness. The core of happiness, she says, is "doing it over and over every day, and still feeling happy." And for example, such as eating a big meal, massage, etc. , these things, although let people enjoy and relax, but every day to do, our happiness may be followed by a decline, gradually feel no interest. It's not really fun, it's just enjoyment. "Enjoy ingress is not the same as happiness. 」

"And a, never put your energy into happiness. Because only in their own comfortable circumstances, can be closer to happiness, her eyes swept everyone under the stage, very seriously said.

The truth about happiness

According to a series of studies by the University of California, Berkeley, people who overemphasize "happy" feelings happen to have the lowest scores for life satisfaction. It means that the more we want to be happy, the less likely we are. Ye Yang also put forward the "three no" idea of happiness, from the individual, and then from the sense of society to see themselves, using these three do not make themselves closer to happiness. (Recommended reading: Happy Psychology: Happy people are doing things, not thinking about them)

First, don't care about other people's eyes. When we decide to be happy, we should ignore how others see ourselves, because it is quite possible that he does not have you in his eyes. If we give up chasing our own happiness because we care about the "non-existent" vision of others, we will lose not only happiness, but also ourselves.

Second, don't make plans for happiness. As the University of California has found, the more people who want to be happy and pursue positively are less able to do so, ye says that "happiness cannot be planned" and that happiness is doomed to be undetermined like a job goal, and is doomed to be achieved through any deliberate act.

Third, don't feel that the happiness of others applies to you. Ye Yang mentions her husband, Peter, who is passionate about the physical structure of NBA players, which is a joy for Peter, but not for Ye Yang at all. So never feel that the happiness of others applies to you, if you just like to stay at home, don't convince yourself to "go out and have fun."

In addition to the three, there is a seemingly happy "trap problem" easy to let us fall into the trap, thinking that doing so can lead to happiness - that is, "the more called a happy thing, the more pressure behind it is more", Ye Yang immediately cited the life experience as an example: "You see "marrying" or "having children", you may think that is happiness, Is happiness, but how does the family run after marriage? What should be planned for education after giving birth? These are things that are not visible on the surface. So don't think that "happy things" represent "happiness".

Happiness is like sudden love, unprepared, unplanned, not everyone is right for him.

In the end, how to get happy?

Ye Yang like a long-time old friend, a word point sit in front of us but we did not find the fact, just in the truth we just learned to shock and absorb, Ye Ye yamed from their own experience, quenching and proposed a step closer to happiness of the specific approach. It's like an old friend always said, "Look, I'll tell you." After that, help you find a way to solve the problem.

"You have to be careful and fully aware of yourself, not to replicate the happiness of others, which is probably the closest thing I've come to happiness right now." Ye went on to share his own efforts to see Peter studying the NBA, summing up a technique that is self-inflicted: you can "replicate" other people's directions, not methods and preferences.

"Just as Peter likes to study body structure, I like to study the causes behind behavior, so I look at NBA player data extensively and find an interesting phenomenon: players who grow up in slums don't have a lot of fun when they throw their throws - compared to players who grew up in a normal family." 」

"I can feel from the player's behavior, his past background, his growth experience, because he grew up in a slum, so he may be relatively depressed of his emotions and so on, which makes me feel happy, understand that others are growing up like this." 」

Ye Yang is happy because she understands that she likes to study the factors behind behavior, she likes to piece together the human appearance from the traces of history - it is entirely exclusive Ye Yang's happiness, others want to take it and can not take away.

"You have to be careful and fully aware of yourself, and not to replicate the happiness of others." Ye Yang's this sentence, I wrote into the notebook, I wrote hard, Buddha can always be imprinted, always remind themselves, to pursue their own happiness.

What about you? Do you understand your own happiness? If you're not sure, explore your passion and happiness through the full month of the 2019 I Love My Happy Life Festival, click on the page below to open the door to happiness!