"Every time i'm having a problem like that!" "Why would he say that to me?" Before he was not "a hundred reasons for quarreling, the way partners get along is very different." If "fighting" is inevitable, it's better to learn how to deal with it.
Do you often quarrel with your other half? Three days a small quarrel, five days a big noise, although often heard to try to make things as small, small things no, actually do it is difficult.
"I broke up with him. That day, and returning friends gathered, she sat down, dropped such a sentence. She said she and her live-in boyfriend often quarrelled over disagreements and were too often to sleep soundly every night. The hardest part is that her boyfriend refuses to communicate, and as long as she doesn't want to cooperate with his ideas, the whole thing pulls down and there's nothing to talk about.
At first, she thought it was a transition period, and it would pass. Over time, she was tired. "Once, I didn't bother to keep arguing with him. Walked to the streaming table, began to make breakfast, fried bacon, the result of which he came in a hurry, and threw a strong gas oven on the frying pan. She was frightened, a little spark on the stove, a noise, and although it didn't hurt her, she began to realize that it was not appropriate to go with this man any more. After thinking a few days later, she took things away, decided to leave, head does not return.
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The above is a case of poor communication when the partner quarrels. When you find that the other person has some violent tendencies, you should follow my friends for the best part. However, most people may not encounter the problem sparingly, but there is no denying that we and our partners may often have spats and arguments.
"Every time i'm having a problem like that!" "Why would he say that to me?" Before he was not "the reason snobbery" there are hundreds of reasons, you and the other half of the way to get along, will not be exactly like other couples. If "fighting" is an inevitable path between couples, then it is better to face it. (Recommended reading: Intimacy and quarrels: conflicts that give you the opportunity to deal with your own insecurities)
Think about where the feelings of anger, sadness, and disappointment come from. Before you deal with the problem of the moment, you need to deal with the "emotions" before you can deal with the problem of the moment.
Relationship Psychology: How to Face Emotions?
And the other half of the dispute, the two sides competed red-eared, and finally how to quarrel, as if only in the venting of emotions, no conclusion. Did you find out? Now that "emotions" affect your relationship, we should go back and deal with the emotions first and then solve other problems.
When it comes to emotions, psychologist Barton Goldsmith offers you a few good tips for dealing with emotions:
- First, don't suppress emotions: emotions need to be relieved in a timely manner, and when you're over-depressed, you may explode one day and then say or do something that you regret. Moderate "emotions" do not diminish the love between you - in fact, the reason your loved ones can "hurt" you is precisely because you love him so much.
- Clarify the difference between "angry" and "angry". Once you get angry, you can break things and do things that hurt each other's relationships; "anger" is an emotional state, and when you're angry, what you need to do is put your emotions off first.
- Tell the other person about your feelings before you get angry. Sometimes you just need some opportunity and time to communicate with each other, help each other deal with and coordinate emotions, and when you get to know each other, you can actually avoid a lot of arguments.
- Don't let angry emotions appear in the communication process. Specifically, what should be done? First, you can spend five minutes stating how you feel, then take a 20-minute break to think about what the other person just said and the issues you want to deal with, and finally, reconnect with the other to discuss the solution symbar. Also, don't be in a hurry to solve the problem "immediately", but it won't be fast.
- In short, know your emotions. When you are angry, the emotions you display may have a negative effect on the relationship between you and your partner. Learn to understand your feelings and live with it, and to understand how emotions often affect your body's response and emotional expression.
5 Things to Do "Don't Do" When Fighting With Your Partner
After facing the emotions, the next step is to deal with the problem of "fighting" the present.
- Don't pull up the volume: When you reduce howl or shout, try to whisper to the other half of the conversation, in communication, you will reduce a lot of spats. According to Barton Goldsmith's consulting experience, many partners who are used to yelling at each other during a quarrel have improved their relationship stoic as a result of a gentle way of communicating.
- Don't be emotional blackmail: When you get used to the other half's emotions, he may panic all the time, or even gradually give up the relationship. When he gets into long-term depression, your relationship may get worse and he won't be able to meet your needs.
- Don't turn over the old books: when the other half asks you a question, it may remind you of what happened before, when it wasn't handled well, causing you to be unbalanced. However, solve the problem well. You can find other time to deal with the "old accounts", otherwise, communication can easily turn into each other to turn over old accounts, the issue is still unresolved.
- Don't fall into the quarrel trap: some people "like to quarrel" because quarreling can give them temporary sense of power and satisfaction, however, as mentioned earlier, if you and her have a quarrel on the head, it is useless. So if your other half is trying to cause a dispute, you have to learn to avoid it.
- Prohibition of violence: violence, refers to not only physical violence, verbal violence is also counted in it, even if the behavior does not harm the other side, it may cause the other half of the panic, such as: the slamming of the door, the bowl, etc. If your emotions reach the extreme, you need to stay away from the current environment first.
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"Fighting" is not necessarily a bad thing, but it must be seen its meaning
Quarreling is not about winning or losing, it's not about getting a sense of accomplishment; otherwise, you and anyone who doesn't have to fight with the other half might argue.
Although we have been using the word "fight", but we want to express, just a lot of couples will encounter the state, rather than encourage everyone to have anything right to find each other to quarrel.
You love each other, care about each other, but found that he did not meet their expectations of things, destroyed your heart "his appearance", emotions have nowhere to go, had to pour all the energy on him.
Learn to face emotions, comb ideas, understand the other half, and then calm down and communicate well. Perhaps in such a process, you will inadvertently find that the two sides care about each other, but also more able to understand each other's mood.
Of course, if after a long period of trying and communicating, but still can not improve the relationship, perhaps it is time to let go.