He said he was a man with no sense of belonging for a long time. From Malaysia to Taiwan, moving from one city to another, from room to room, from one city to everywhere, is lonely. Until that year, when he saw the ruins on the hill of the new shop, he suddenly felt that this was the home he wanted.
Take a taxi, slowly from downtown Taipei to the new shop mountain, the house is less and less, only see the mountains of trees, occasionally neatly located on both sides, occasionally messy so. I pinched the interview outline in my hand, silently to what will be used to start the hand style, paper by hand sweat soaked a few hair, the driver around a few bends, shouting where this place, how can not find it?
Offer to visit Cai Bright, I think he has photographed so many Taipei homes, from "The Hole" to "Outing", those homes or bends can not find the entrance, or broken the wall, accidentally broke a hole;
And the speaker who hides behind these lonely screens is a man who lives in the mountains, and he has been in the city for a few years, or, like Yang Guimei in Long Live in Love, has many keys to the house, but none of them are his own. He told me, is tired, sick, he said think of the world barren place, find a home can not. (Interview next: Interview with Cai Ming: "The time my mother died, I only looked at her face for the first time"
To the people who drift in the city
Cai's home is in a desert mountain, with few buildings, and no one to live in. Standing in the distant mountains, the grass smoke, like the world abandoned corner.
Open that door, see a gray and wood-toned room, clean and empty, not much furniture, it is so simple, messy only the film, written a few words, "your face", gaze and life.
I looked at a large floor-to-ceiling window, opened outside is a courtyard, the courtyard outside is a larger area of the mountain forest. I thought it was a house, but it seemed less certain - was it an extension of the whole mountain, or a human dwelling? I've just come from the mountains, Got Some way, and now I'm going into the mountains again.
Cai sat in the chair, said sit, soft and slow voice, like the window of the wet mud, there is the smell of grass land. You see the way he sat, the atmosphere of his voice, very comfortable and quiet, but before moving to this wasteland, he actually wandered for a long time.
"I have no sense of belonging for a long time. 」
After more than 30 years in Taiwan, his fate was like a soul, and after a film, he had to run around, fly around, rent and move. He said he was afraid of being in a house. Because it's not your house, you feel like it's not yours, you want to move out.
In those years, when he also made a feature film, he mostly stayed on the streets of Taipei to take pictures, photographing several homes, which were always empty, or four walls, or damp and gloomy. He said the city is so, as if everyone is drifting here, they come from different places, it doesn't matter, they come here, the pursuit of things are very similar, fame, success, but will slowly find that the city can not give you anything. So swing around, you may have a room, but you don't want to go back.
Everywhere you go, it's all the same, it's lonely.
People say he's a lonely narrator, but I remember that after bathing in a public toilet, The Well-off and his children went into a broken house next to the park, covered with mosquito nets, and three people huddled together; you know that city is so cold, you see them huddled in a good edge, in their beds, and very carefully previewing a home.
At Black Eyes, he returned to his native Malaysia, photographed three foreign workers and walked the streets of Kuala Lumpur with a tattered mattress. They say it's poor garbage, drifting like a ship, the city is exotic, the wounded lie in bed, the bed will cover their fragility, as if there, at the end of the desolation, will grow love. They say the world is lonely, don't let me sleep alone. Like "Long live love", Yang Guimei sells second-hand housing, hands a few rooms, no one wants to buy. She then quietly opened one of the doors, like sneaking into a home, slept in bed, and took a hot bath in the bathtub.
In those years, in his films, I knew that everyone was at home, but did Cai, who did not belong, give these aliens, a bed, a night, a little belonging to the imagination? Or at least, between people, walk to the lonely mountains and water, snuggled up in a piece of land to keep warm?
Turned to me, what is home, reinforced cement, piled up again, life is only 60 kg, why move there are hundreds of kilograms? So he buys less and less furniture, and his family gets lighter, he says, and people don't get dragged down by these things.
And later, because of the physical relationship, he was ill, he said to Li Kangsheng, to the mountains to find a place to live down. No, the world is so, he is so tired.
Dear family, can we stay away and love again?
The tired bird returned to the nest, now in front of my eyes, Cai's Buddha's heart is as quiet as water, word for word, are good light. I think of my first introduction, all I heard is the murmur of this space, the sound of people in the studio, the sound of electric air fans, the sound of printing origami ... Do I think of the noise, is it necessary to swallow his fine words and disappear into the air? So i fought for the big ears.
But slowly, you know you don't have to work so hard, there's no urban flood beast; the wilderness country side, like the one he's good at, the long shot, the smelly, long stillness - only about life, the most primitive, the beating sound.
I heard Tsai tell me that you want to talk to home, not just Taiwan, or Taipei, but all the way to be very similar. After urbanization, the existing structure of the extended family slowly loosened, people from the countryside to the city, home from space to members are getting smaller and smaller. 'People are full of doubts about the nature of home, but our growth and education, and let us have a deep interest in home,' he said.
From home to school, and then from school to society, in the outside around, injured and tired, this society will tell you, or go home, there are people waiting for you, home is a permanent haven.
And when you hear this, you may frown, you don't want to deny your expectations of home, but you feel a little hesitant. "For example, I'm filming Rivers, a gay father, and his children may be gay, and i don't know, they're in a very strange state. Not every family has gay problems, but there are some different problems. Listen to Cai said "River", I felt a burst of expansion, think of that always wet and dark home, three people, father and mother son, mutual indifference, each heart, but carelessly because of lust and greed tangled together. What kind of place is home? If desire flows, can be covered by home, and reasonable, then we will be so helpless?
It was the first time, I saw the family was in pain.
In the black box of his movie, you see a home that is collapsing, disintegrating. His lens is like a strange hand, into the family system, digging, as a spectator, you feel uncomfortable, feel unbearable, you say well, but he also dig, blood, and desire, spread in front of you. And when you think, what about such a home? "River" the last scene, he let the slight sunlight into the room, open the window, the outside is renovated to half the site, or said, home can also go, the day is not fully bright, but the night has passed.
He has said a lot about home, but the answer may be very similar: "I am very clear that I am at a distance from my family." But it doesn't diminish the love between us at all. Cai told me that before in Kuching, Malaysia, their home is a compound, the door is closed. But he felt that there should be a distance between people and people, everyone needs to have a lonely space. Later, he left Kuching, left Malaysia, came to Taiwan, came for thirty years, did not go back. At this moment, he said, nothing good or bad. That house dean had to be like that, the people who lived there were like that, and I loved my family. But I want to be myself, too.
"What do you know is the most important thing?" I think he is such a drifter, to more than two thousand kilometers away from home, important or not to go far from home, to love, but to know that home, the mansion, said to be home, but may be trapped a lot of people. Cai told me that you must be strong first, build yourself, personally is too important. When you are healthy, the environment will begin to be healthy; personal health, what families and ideas bind you, you will be blackmailed, you will be angry, you will want to escape.
You love yourself first, you love yourself, you will love others. You are personally soft, can contain everything, others will accommodate you.
So you go a little farther away, confirm yourself once, confirm each other, leave home not because you don't love, not to leave, but to find a way back home.
You said where my home was, I was just a break-in of the world.
Back to Tsai's current home, looking back around, I asked Taipei so big, even went to the mountains to go deeper, how did you pick this place?
"When I moved up the hill, I felt a sense of belonging. This sense of belonging is not for this place, but for the world, because I see the beauty of the world again. 」
"When I'm in the city, I don't realize I'm in a world, I just realize I'm in the city. From this city to that city, this hotel to that hotel, this room to that room... But when I got here, I found that I felt the land, there were insects, birds, they would stop on my balcony, I felt life. 」
He took us to open the screen window, walked to the courtyard, I thought it would be a sort of organized, may also be full of flowers and vegetables, but only see a piece of original, some barren land, east of a piece of weeds, vitality strong growth. He said a little bit, saying that if you come here to see the world and take care of this yard, you will gradually settle down;
"We do not want to be trapped by a lot of things, including our Chinese talk, leaves to the root, there was a time When I went home to drink wine, a relative came to me: "Cai Bright, you do not filial piety three, no after big, your father must be very angry how you did not get married?" I looked at him calmly and said, "Bob, will you be happier when I get married?" 』」
They will say, you have to leave leaves to the root, but he thought, a person, where verwes where to grow, happiness is good, life is good. "Like me now, I am very happy, I often want to come back to my house wherever I go." It's not a mansion, it's where I live. Stay here, he can feel himself.
He said you asked me what my house was. Home is actually a noun, it is there, just like this world, it has its original appearance, it was originally beautiful. You don't have to work hard to make it more beautiful, you can't change it, it's just that it's beautiful.
"A little change, not the original one, a little bit is not, a little bit is very strange. 」
Come to a place close to life and land, he said to find belonging, I think that or born to human beings, you empty space, think of fame and fame desire, because love can not be lonely, but at this moment, you feel their own link with the world, you will accept all your life, know what you are like, what it is like.
"Have you read the Book of King Kong?" Tsai asked me, and regardless of my answer, and read from one mind: "The world is not the world, so it is the world." The world is just a noun. You are stable because you have discovered what the world was like. It has not changed, it is eternally tolerant of you.
On the other hand, home is not home, so its name is home.
At that time, we stand together in that courtyard, behind the room, front is the world of grass, home where, but human gossip, why give the answer.