5/29 Netflix's "David Letterman: The Next Guest" invites ellen DeGeneres, a well-known talk show host, who spoke about her experience of being sexually abused by her stepfather as a child, telling her mother years later that she didn't believe her: I shouldn't have hurt myself to protect my mother, and it's a terrible memory for me, and I'm going to choose to say it because I want all girls to know that no one can treat you like that. 」
5/29, Netflix's "David Letterman: The Next Guest" was interviewed by ellen DeGeneres, a well-known talk show host who spoke about her experience of sexual lying to her stepfather when she was a child.
When Ellen was 15, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and his stepfather sexually assaulted Ellen: "He said he thought his mother had a lump on her chest, so he needed to check my chest and I didn't know anything about my body, and he convinced me." After that he tried to break into my room, and I knew something was going to happen, so I broke the window and ran out, and then slept all night in the hospital. 」
Ellen DeGeneres chose to hide her stepfather's behavior in order not to upset her, until she grew up, but her mother didn't want to believe her.
"I shouldn't have hurt myself to protect my mother. Years later, I told my mother that she didn't believe me and continued to be with him for 18 years. She later chose to leave because her stepfather's words were repeated. 」
In fact, as early as 2005, Ellen mentioned her experiences as a young woman on her own talk show. In 2018, Ellen used her own story to talk about how the society twice harmed victims of sexual assault in response to the sexual assault controversy over the Ford case at an American university. (Recommended reading: Oscar host Ellen Degeneres: Be free for yourself)
"When I see victims speak up about what happened to them, I get very angry, and why people don't want to believe that they're going to ask when and what happens, but you don't remember that at all, you just remember what happened and how it feels now." 」
"We don't make up everything out of thin air. 」
"I'm not knocked down by this, it's just that I've been thinking about if I can handle the wound well after the incident, if my mother is willing to believe me." 」
I chose to share her experience on the show because Ellen wanted the victims not to suffer alone and to speak bravely: "I'm so angry, I'm too weak to resist, it's a terrible memory for me, and I choose to say it because I want all girls to know, No one can treat you like this. 」
Why does society not trust the victims?
Ellen's experience is not a single case.
We see widespread distrust of victims of sexual violence, such as sexual assault/sexual harassment, such as the U.S. Ford case in 2018 that sparked mass protests and solidarity with victims. At the time, Professor Christine Blasey Ford accused Cavanaugh, the U.S. Justice nominee, of sexually assaulting him 36 years ago. But there are persistent questions in the community about her memory, and why, over the years, why she filed a complaint at a politically sensitive time point? But these voices are second-degree harm to survivors of sexual assault. (Extended reading: Sexual assault suspect becomes U.S. Supreme Court nominee, accuser Christine Ford: I'll never forget, he's smiling at me)
In an interview with Women's Fans in 2018, Ito Shi, who fired the first shot for the Japanese #MeToo movement, spoke of society's perception of sexual assault and remained "aggression by strangers", and if the incident occurred on an acquaintance, the first reaction of the masses was often to question the authenticity of the accuser, for example, It must be that you have done something to be victimized" or that the victim is to be targeted for the purpose of accusing sexual assault as a means, and therefore the victim must do more to convince others. (Extended reading: #METOO interview with Ito: Breaking the silence ofJapanese sexual assault, I bet who will believe me)
And every proof brings the victim back to the pain.
After the #MeToo movement, society encouraged women to tell their own story, but the pain can not be repaired, their every move and confession, often by the public questioning, we tend to suspect the victim's alleged motive, if the victim is young, will be considered a memory error, confession can not be believed. We ignore the emotions and state of the victim at the moment of the incident, and even think that the victim's allegations will ruin the victim's life:
"Why didn't you ask for help earlier?" 」
"Why don't you refuse now?" 」
"Are you telling the truth?" Then why don't you remember when it happened? What time is it going to happen? 」
"His life has been ruined by you. 」
Don't blame, don't attack, we need to correct the social atmosphere, more love and empathy to listen to, our inspiration, can let more and more victims muster the courage to get out of the dark.
Women fans will always be there for you:
I'm a victim of sexual assault, I'd say: Sexual assault anonymous message board
Face sexual assault and accompany them on a longer-term path: accompanying survivors
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