| junior year, why did I give up going to France to exchange students?

Towards the end of the semester, friends around the beginning of the discussion from the summer vacation to the next year what plans, there will always be early planning of all the people, they hold the ideal blueprint, clear their goals, and you stand at the same fork in the road, but deeply confused. You start to worry about the shape of the year ahead, about being a runner in a race, or about being afraid that you can't be who you are.

Turning adult topics like being pressed on the switch button, at some point in growth, suddenly poured in, you feel unable to fight, but in fact you are not alone. I was like many college students, very yearning to exchange students, can study abroad, and take the opportunity to travel around, what a dream experience. However, considering personal motivation and money and time costs, in the end, I chose to give up when I had already qualified. Today, from the "exchange students" cut point, easy to chat, when we encounter life choice obstacles, what kind of thinking and tools.

Did I lose without that experience?

That year, most people signed the "Exchange Student Consent Form", and I looked at the on-screen exchange school distribution results and thought: How do I make a choice I don't regret when I give up for the last time?

At that time, I was in my junior year, a gradually out of the sophoinary play club, participate in activities, night singing age, began to squat for the distant goal, ready, and exchange students is one of the options. It has countless auras, including: practical experience of foreign education, learning a second foreign language, taking non-undergraduate courses, and meeting foreign friends. At the same time, if you have also seen the exchange of students' experience sharing, you may also be attracted and moved by the exchange of students to bring people's "inner growth".

On the contrary, there is another voice that the exchange of students just to play, not only has no learning significance, but also waste time, waste money. The common argument is that rather than spending a year abroad exchanging, it's better to practice and gain hands-on skills in the workplace. Or there is a voice that, rather than spending money exchanging students, it's better to focus resources on study, experience CP is higher, and there are degrees and opportunities to work abroad.

Of these sounds, I find that I'm not sure what my voice is. (Extended reading:Cai Yixuan column: must go abroad to step out of the comfort zone?) ）

Photo | source

The hardest option is to "give up"

From applying to exchange students to announcing the school, there is about a six-month waiting time (depending on the status of the school and individual application), and I've been looking for "Why do I spend six months / a year doing this?" answer. The conclusion is that even if this choice is made, there may not be an answer, but there is no "desire to know the answer" is key.

The pull that exchange students most desire is to be able to develop a sense of language in a second foreign language in place and to experience courses that are different from those of the undergraduate department. However, when the results of the school distribution came out, I understood that, as in the case of the college entrance examination, there were a small number of people who could actually go to their dream school or country. It was at that moment that I realized that when the pull was reduced, even if I was qualified, I had less enthusiasm to drive myself.

With less enthusiasm and original intention, I had the idea of giving up, but most people in the face of such an outcome, will choose to take a step back compromise, to put it harshly is will be on the distribution of the results. For a long time, whether it's environmental education or social vision, the mainstream has thought: Why not try to qualify? This is a positive attitude, so no one will teach you to "give up" the seemingly negative option. But in making choices, we inevitably encounter moments of "want to give up" or "must give up", and at the same time more Quartet voices will want to intervene, making the situation even more chaotic.

The following sharing, not for should / do not exchange, but to "exchange students" as bait, restore the pulse of thinking at that time, to provide you with a confusing solution, hoping to give you guidance.

Five-way method of heart: honestly face the direction of the heart

• Motivation review
  The first heart is not the peace of mind of the daily mind, is at low tide, pull us back to the track of the lifeline. Therefore, it is important to have the energy to start a mind, even if it is a simple desire to go abroad impulse, but also very precious. It is often said that "don't exchange because everyone is going to exchange, you feel like you're going" In fact, it's all about us grabbing the moment of power.
  
  "Motivation review" is a common stage in any interview in which the interviewer knows where you are "coming from, why, and where you are going". Switch to the topic of exchange students - if you were your own interviewer, would you give yourself a pass?
  You can practice interview questions that use motivational reviews, write them down intuitively or find someone you trust to say in a "no-go" way to quickly check if you have a bottom foot.
   
• Mental map
  Perhaps you're no stranger to Mind Maps, especially for people who want to do a lot of things but always choose obstacles, and recommend this tool. It does not need to be like some professional mental map if a very beautiful chart, also do not need to draw out a very logical, even if a single scattered, and then slowly pull each other together, can also bring great help in thinking. When we visualize the brain's thoughts, the ideas become both visual and better understood and reflexive.

Written in 2017, then a sophonus. Photo credit | E

In terms of thinking about exchanging students' mental maps, there may be considerations in addition to motivation, there will be: economic situation, time management, academic performance, internships, emotional relationships, other opportunity costs, it is difficult to sum up, try to write down, combined with other methods, multiply assessment!

• The chronographic of life
  For those who want to do a lot but always complain about not growing up, it is highly recommended to write a "life schedule" for the next five years. In the table, find a way to get used to split time (e.g., I use semesters), write down at the corresponding time what time you want to do it, or at what point in time to start preparing.

Written in 2018, then a sophonus. Photo credit | E

After writing, you may still complain about running out of time and even find that if you do everything, it will take more than five years and not so much youth to splurge on. Chronometers can help greedy us make trade-offs, filter which options are time-sensitive, be sure to happen at some point, and which can achieve the same effect in other ways.

In addition, it can also be used as a tool for future goal review, in a year, two years after turning out this table, may find that some goals practice, some dreams changed, some tasks are working hard, and let life more flexible, there is more to meet the unknown gift.

• Double-blind quiz
  For the above methods of thinking with your brain, if you believe in intuition, think that the body is spiritual, and also provide a choice to listen to "body intuition".
  The double blindness here is not related to the academic double blindness, but takes two A4 white paper to write down their hesitating options, such as: go / don't go, option A / option B, cover on the ground, and ask someone to shuffle, so that they can not distinguish.
  Then, take a deep breath and breathe, follow your intuition to stand on one of the white paper, feel the body shake? Is it calm? Or don't feel it? Again, stand on another piece of white paper and repeat the practice you just felt.
  Finally, turn over the white paper, correspond to the body's feedback on different options, listen to the inner questions that come with it, and perhaps find new things, or set your own direction.
   
• 4-1 Chat Method
  Speaking is the process of language organization, but it also allows ideas to be integrated. Just like writing a program in the brain, translating a series of codes into a language that communicates, when we speak, let the brain hear its own thoughts, and regenerate thoughts.
  
  For the next decision will waver, you can find someone to talk to, but not more, 4 just good. 4, representing four different people: those with this experience, the people you trust, your relatives and friends, and the people who work in society. These people can help us interpret choices more orientedly and provide different perspectives. And 1, represents a person alone for 1 hour. After seeking advice from people from 4 different backgrounds, give yourself time to digest the comb on your own and agree with yourself to make a choice that will not waver.

There is no best choice, but there is a path that suits you

After a struggle, I finally chose to give up my exchange of student qualifications, and many people asked me afterwards: Why do I do this? Aren't you afraid to regret it? It is human nature to see someone around you experience life abroad, envious and caught up in the reincarnation of "knowing early". However, it is also clear that there is a real inventory and clear the crux of the problem, so support the later self can live in the present, and understand:

Trade-offs are a necessity that keeps us grounded and the soul light.

Photo | source

Among them, two interesting findings, one is that when I experienced a hesitation very long, but eventually still iron heart to give up the process, I began to learn to identify which feelings represent "actually I do not really want to do this at the moment." It is easy for us to ignore our true will and even deceive our native ideas because of external factors. Through our personal experience and feelings in our memory, we can make the most appropriate decision in less time the next time we face more difficult choices. (Extended reading:Workplace Communications: Going Abroad or Staying?) The most important thing to choose is to be willing )

Another interesting thing is that when I look back at the thinking context at the time, I found that the mental map and the life calendar listed a year ago were only 3 percent similar, 2 percent had not yet occurred, and 5 were unexpected. This experience tells us that the focus of setting goals or using any mind method is not to make a 120-point choice (we all know it doesn't exist), but to help us think about who we want to be and what kind of life we want to be in the future.

Life is full of surprises, and as time goes by the chemistry of collisions with other experiences, we sometimes give up some options, sometimes turn a corner, and walk a little more. Complaining sometimes, confused sometimes, but also so see the original unimagined beauty, feel happy. The road we have walked will make sense, the choices we have made will not be in vain, you have the ability to become the future waiting for some kind of person, as long as you believe.

Hope to put this sort of finishing, share to you who are on the wrong side of the road.