"Your dad is a bad person" A xiang incident: How to care about the children of an affair family?

After the incident in Axiang, we talked a lot about this, adult world affairs, from the breakdown and repair of emotional relationships, marital betrayal in forgiveness or forgiveness, seems to want to comb together about the family's difficult problems, but easy to ignore, a family in addition to parents, children are also members of it. (Recommended reading: Is it necessary to forgive gently to save a home?) Grace's first speech in response to Axiang's affair)

What kind of changes are in the family today, and it will affect the whole family. What you do, the children are feeling. Because they are family, they are also waiting, this family will go to where? Where will I be and be loved again?

Children, on the other hand, are often more difficult to face immediate harm or change without any support assistance than adults. In addition to the pressures they share in their homes, they are the most receptive, including the jeers of their campus peers:

"Your dad is a bad guy. 」

"Hahaha, your mother is cheap. 」

In every campus corner, may have been you, or once he, red-eared red, thinking that this is the ugly home, the original home, will not stand up to protect themselves at this time. You know it's just ignorant words, but it's from those ignorances that children begin to be truly stabbed by the world.

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"Am I not worthy of love?" What kind of injuries are they suffering, children?

What kind of mental state will a child who is experiencing family changes produce?

American family clinical psychologist Anano. Ana Nogales surveyed 800 children who had experienced parental affairs and found that:

More than eight out of ten children think they have been deceived by their parents, and it is difficult for them to trust others again in the future

Parental affairs, or relationship tearing, undermine children's trust in people, they often feel that others are lying.

In addition, the breakdown of parental emotions will lead children into chaotic emotions, and their ability to build relationships with people is fundamentally affected. They will begin to think that marriage is false and that love is just an illusion. This in turn affects one's attitude toward symofand and relationships.

Another 60 per cent of children are ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed by such family events. Because they will feel that they are taking on a secret; And as a member of the family himself, he would worry that if he was a child who was not tolerant of universal family values, would this society, his peers, begin to crowd out himself?

"My parents don't feel well. To say this, like denying myself, I am not a child loved by home.

Overall, Anano. Gareth argues that most children are hurt by their parents' infidelity because they feel betrayed by their parents. Don't know how to love, also don't know whether they are worthy of love, like the children hanging in the air, need to see their home again.

Your recovery is the best demonstration of him.

When a home is different from the past, even in tiny messages, the child is more sensitive than you think. And in a state of untold or concerned, they will enter confusion, with insecurity. "Why is Mom and Dad different?" "Will I be abandoned for this?" At times like these, they also begin to fear if they have done something wrong and let love disappear.

Anano. Galles suggests listening to your child's emotions at such times. Whether uncomfortable, angry, or confused, you can try to discuss it together or be with each other, and as a good listener of events, you can lay a good foundation for a follow-up solution to this problem. Then, reassure the child, tell them it's not his fault, we're solving the problem. and let him know that he is still loved.

We know that in these moments, the grown-ups are also very anxious, and you are also troubled, anxious, depressed by emotions you have never had before. You might want to ask, if I don't even know what's going on, how can I guarantee the future of my children? But as Cheng Ti, a psychotherapist, mentions, the children are physically resilient and inclusive. As long as you give you enough security to repair his self-esteem so that he can feel that he is being affirmed, then he will be able to reach out to your unexpected potential and work with you through a family crisis.

You treat yourself well, treat your family well, you empower yourself to be strong again, and your child, he will follow you, from heartbreak to the ability to recover. Because family is not like this, to be able to be happy together, but also to experience grief together. You think a person is difficult to experience things, let this small family accompany you, perhaps to each other, greater strength.

Don't say, if you can't get married, don't want children.

In Axiang, or more public figures, we've seen the internet talk about the wind, and we're going to say, can you afford your own children, your own home? Discussing only these words, regardless of someone else's personal family relationship, in fact incites some of our fear of marriage.

Whether it's an affair or a victim, joining the "what to do with children" today seems to start to be blamed and someone to sacrifice. You may also want to ask, if I can't guarantee that I won't be loyal to my marriage for the rest of my life, am I not good enough to be a mother or a father?

But the first thing we need to see is that our society is being kidnapped by the so-called "complete" domestic myth. For example, during the graduation season, Jia Jingxuan attended the graduation ceremony of her eldest daughter with her ex-husband. The media reporters then excitedly stressed that "a family of three" and "again with the same box", as if we were in that big reunion photo, only really happy. On the contrary, you now see the A xiang family photo, will feel that the home is not like home, even if there is who is working for whom.

Photo Credit Jia Jingxuan IG

Jia Jingxuan's eldest daughter, a xiang family of children, or back to you and my childhood, that full of ignorant words of the campus, we like to play home wine, with a child's vision, imagine a pair of perfect parents, a perfect home. Because no one told you that if your home is not like that, it's not a pity.

Whether you are a bully, or have laughed at others because of ignorance, as a child, you may be in a playful place, feeling a sense of shame. To grow up, you will slowly understand - the original complete home, it does not exist.

You will know that the meaning of home is not to pursue these. All supporting children is not necessarily the marriage itself, but the establishment of trust and love. If today you make choices you don't want for your children, all you endure will become another invisible pressure, again in the child. In time, that won't be the home you want. Therefore, it is not to ensure that there will never be any surprises to become a family, but that when you choose marriage and decide to have a child, you know you have the ability to face family change.

That ability may be that you always know that you made the best decision you can make right now.

And all children who have ever been ashamed of their own home will be willing to be brave again when they see that they have the ability to be repaired.