Because of financial pressures, or lease problems, the relationship is over, you have to live together?
One side to deal with the break-up of the injury, while to adapt to the lover sit housemate, after the break-up cohabitation, how to do, in order not to be less miserable?
I want to talk to you today about a tricky issue - what if we're going to live together after a breakup?
A relationship to the end may be a momentary thing, but outside of the emotion, there are often many practical aspects of the problem, can not be said to break. You said good cohabitation and signed a contract; now it's possible to come up with a result that might not be very much like lying on both sides, for economic reasons, the absence of a lease, or some other reason - you have to continue living together.
But the trouble is that you have to get into a personal healing after a breakup and immediately adjust to the transition in your relationship; cohabitation is meant to create a more intimate space, which now suffocates each other. Everything may come quickly, how to maintain the immediate life under the "internal and external problems"? How can you not let cohabitation after a break-up become just a tragic thing? Let's talk about a few practical approaches:
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Important first step: Confirm that cohabitation is your only option at the moment
First of all, or want to ask you all to think first, this is the only option at present? Not because you're not willing, nostalgic, lazy, afraid of the two sides really split, or quietly trying to find the possibility of compounding. Knowing that at this point in time, it is really hard to deal with the trauma of a break-up at the same time, but also to take care of the actual life. But in order for each other to be able to move into a more comfortable state, you should be rational to discuss, at this time continue to choose to live together, is not only hindering the real problem, without mixing with any other unexplained private desire?
As you can imagine, if you have to see an old lover who has left every day, it can easily lead to your mood disorder, which in turn can affect the quality of life. And if your mentality is not "healthy", then the best way is to talk about it in vain. So there should be a premise before entering the post-break-up cohabitation discussion - there's no better way at the moment. By confirming this consensus, we will be able to maintain other codes of life.
Stop intimacy and give your body and mind a good rest
Most psychologists or sex experts have the same advice: Stop sleeping in the same bed. The bedroom is an intimate space, sharing a bed, you may embrace or even start having sex again. Even if you keep your body together, it will keep you in the middle of the night with all the most naked moments of the night, all the fragile, tired emotions, shared in this space, so that you cannot regain your privacy. (Love letter to a lover:"Single Diary" My heart will forget you, but the body will remember)
In addition, start to avoid behavior such as walking out naked after a bath, changing clothes without hiding. You may be natural for these things and don't feel the need to change them, but these actions may make each other feel confused or trigger reverie that the two sides still have an unabashed relationship. Your behavior, in a continuing degree of broken silk.
The body's feelings are honest; if you've ever had skin relatives, the body will remember the emotional contours of each other. So whether it's body temperature, smell, or visual proximity, it will awaken you again to the intimacy you once had. But this relationship has gone bad, these things are good, have passed. If you can't hold on for a while, exercise restraint through the above-mentioned practices; don't let the most fragile and sensitive sensory messages get in the way of your healing or affect the quality of life in front of you. You know it's not good for anyone.
How to avoid embarrassment? The clearer the line, the more comfortable you are.
Breaking up and still living together, you may be most troubled - the atmosphere is always awkward. Being in the same secret room as your ex can be frustrating most of the time, because you know you're not an intimate partner, and the environment seems to be on the job. Since you can't completely ignore each other, the easiest way to get along in the same space is to avoid unnecessary interactions. For example, when you watch TV on the sofa, he also uses his mobile phone, you don't have to think, don't feel obligated to chat, when you only focus on yourself, each will be more comfortable, each other will not be so nervous.
In a life where you are not yet separated, there is a clearer and more focused focus on self-building, so that the other person knows that even in the same house, you have the space you need, and he can have his own. You no longer have to feel pressure to feel what you want to share with each other.
From space, behavior to psychology, in fact, the clearer the boundaries are established, the more comfortable you can feel. Don't feel that the two people have a relationship, let the psychological love of the old delay your real life reconstruction. Living together has made it difficult to build a new life, so your clear attitudes and practices become much more important. (Listen to their story: Cohabiting after a breakup, we know better than ever before)
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Respect this space and don't bring your new partner home.
After breaking up, of course, you can start your new life. But as long as you go back to this space, it is now, after all, belongs to both of you. You will have some relationship changes, such as becoming roommates, friends, or otherwise. You are no longer each other's lovers, but while you understand the message of break-up in a rational way, you need more time and patience to face the reality of lost emotions. And cohabitation of this space, although not the best choice at this time, it is after all, you face the life pattern.
Here, as you quietly heal, you have to adapt to each other's new role-playing. In such fragile and unstable space energy, even if you have come out early and start a new life, don't take your new partner home; You can even make this rule directly. After all, it is a common understanding and a discussion of both of you, and then you all need to do more coordination and effort for that choice, and maintain the norms of respect for each other.
Never rush to make a decision, but keep looking for better practices
Just left a relationship, you hurt. When our minds are fragile, we often make bad decisions in a hurry. You think it's going to take you to a better place, but it tends to make you more out of order. If you're not sure if you're in a state of reason, if you don't know what to do is the best decision for the moment, slow down and give yourself time.
Whether it's redistributing space, dealing with emotional relationships, or starting to find a new house, a friend's house, a future plan; I know that life isn't good at the moment, and you're anxious to make a better decision for each other. But dear, if you've spent so much time in the past running this relationship, it's also worth spending more patience waiting for a better ending at the end.
Don't let your negative emotions dominate your immediate life, stop when you're tired, and then go on. Just grasp a principle and what you do is out of good intentions, not desire; After all, this is not a good way to deal with the life of the link, from emotional to reality, we all need a little patience.
Why do cohabitation after a break-up be a problem and difficult? Here, in addition to mourning the lost emotions, there is a difficult to adapt, probably to face the immediate "home" is deteriorating. At the beginning said good to live together, you went to see a few rooms, hit two pairs of keys, you together choose furniture, supplies, began to embrace each other to sleep in the middle of the night, lazy wake up. You have experienced many moments of your life here, familiar with each other's smells and rest, a blank space filled with the love you loved and the home you yearn for. (Extended reading:"Willing to put a double bed for you": cohabitation, the most needised is actually determination)
So, you need to cut calmly at the moment, in addition to his relationship, perhaps also contains your share with this space. Much of it says, the rules you have to follow are not intended to be cruel to you when you are weak; When you can't have a better choice on a realistic level, you'll finally know that you've made the best choice you can make at the moment.