And Ouyang Jing chat home. She comes from a single-parent family, and Tan Ai-jin doesn't expect her daughter or interfere with each other's lives, she says, and they're more like friends than mothers and daughters. And because of this, she never wanted to leave her free home until she was 24. Because it's not necessary.
In the autobiography of Ouyang Jing's new book, "The Survival of Li tokyo," he writes that he had never traveled overseas before the age of 24. When people say that girls take chopsticks to take the back, will marry farther, she always try to take the front a little. (Interview last: Tokyo Survival Interview Ouyang Jing: I mistook the Japanese because I looked too like them)
During the interview, I specifically asked her about it - most people think that growing up farther away from home, the better, you're the opposite. She talked about her close relationship with her mother, like revolutionary emotions. So in the past there was really no particular need to leave home.
But the generally dramatic imagination of mother-daughter relationships, with what she said, conflicted in my head. What makes her so firmly in love with her native family?
and the mother's home, than anywhere else at ease
After starting her life in Tokyo four years ago, Jing occasionally returned to Taiwan, where she and her mother live because of her work needs.
When her father died of illness at the age of 11, she became a single-parent child; by 20 years ago she was suffering from depression, when Taiwan's environment was not well understood or friendly to the mentally ill. Unable to seek outside help, she leaned on her mother's company at home: "The two of us were trying together to find a way through the wall of this life." Time and time again revolutionary emotions, intimate imagination, I asked about friction and the possibility of conflict, Jing just very quickly responded to me: no, never.
"I'm very comfortable with her, we're like friends. Or like roommates, or classmates, not a mother or daughter. 'They can talk about anything and they don't interfere with each other's lives,' she said. Although she was a mother, Tan Ai-jin never looked forward to her like a mother.
"The way she raised me was four words, "Let the sheep eat the grass." Jing grew up without access, not prevented from doing anything, but in contrast, the mother did not spend that time to take care of themselves. Don't hug, don't say I love you. They are at home, they do their own thing.
Growing up in this family, home is for her to be able to make herself comfortable. She said there was no need to leave the house before the age of 24. Now to live in Japan, walk around the world, have the opportunity to come back, she did not move out of the family.
For many people, the native family is the four words of life. A root of the imagination, seems to have a deep relationship, but often can not really close to each other. So walking, may be scattered, or afraid to go home, do not know how to go home. I turned to Jing and said, your home, very lucky.
Or because the family, from the time she lost her father and depression to the shock of living in a living, has been the head of the world, without any doubt that it has taken its own place. She said they are not like mother and daughter, but also because they are mother and daughter, flesh and blood close to the bone, is really free.
Freedom allowed her to be herself, to be herself, to be able to see many things. And one of them, is to clearly see the mother has been there, there is the mother in the place, is she went further, all look edaway direction.
It was the first time I realized that I might actually leave her
These four years of living have changed Jing's relationship with her mother in a way: "Because this is the first time I feel that I might actually leave home." 」
I've been abroad before, you've been traveling abroad, you've been traveling, but no matter how long you've been, you know you're going home anyway. But these years, she made a Japanese boyfriend and lived in Japan; When she thought about it this way, she suddenly missed her mother. 'I've never felt this way before,' she said.
"Especially when I quarrel with my boyfriend, I feel very lonely and miss my mother. Think why I'm here? This is not my home. I thought, "I think, one of the more critical emotions than "want to go home" is that you know you're on your way home.
We continued to talk about Japanese family culture. Jing said it was like a mean game. In Japan, when a woman becomes a mother, she is no longer welcome diswelcomeed by the workplace: "People will think, you are a mother, how can you go back to work?" And you must bring your own children, not to ask a babysitter or to ask parents to have children. As a result, girls often have to give up their careers, their own lives, and become full-time housewives. Next step, you will be eliminated by society.
She'll be too much of a concern. This place in Japan is really not desirable.
When you're outside your native family, building other relationships, and you see in this city, in this relationship, where your mother can't be replaced; It's certainly an illusion of leaving home - you can still go back and your mother is still there, but at this moment, the fear of leaving home makes you vulnerable.
"Like I saw Nagano's mushrooms in a Japanese supermarket, I would like to send pictures to my mother." I wouldn't have done such a thing before. Before we contact, just like in accounting for business, points back, want to eat. We don't chat. 」
Starting to value her time with her mother, starting to express your love in a non-interference mode, and trying to get Taiwan to Japan, more than two thousand kilometers when she realized it might be apart, the distance she never feared in the past, not really that far.
I want to give my love to my family and carry on
But I want Jing very clearly, this let her start soft emotional link, is bound to be the root of her strong.
I asked her, is there any time, began to have a family yearning? "Probably seeing a friend get married, have another half, have kids, camp together on weekends, and it's like you want to live that way." But the funny thing, in this "happy" family picture, really let her see the happiness, is to embrace that child.
"I like children. I don't have much desire for marriage; because I was born into a single-parent family, my mother is a single parent, we are all women who pull edaddchildren and grow up, so I feel that there is no man in a family, it does not seem very important. She says she never felt that her home was missing or broken.
Because she always knew that she grew up in a loving environment.
"My mother may not have much time to take care of me, but she loves me, something I've always been sure of since I was a child. Mother's pay, let her be happy, know that she was born in this world, worthy of being loved. So she wanted to carry on this love. She says she doesn't have to be born on her own, she says, but because she's loved, she wants to live up to the feeling of being a lover: "And then I want to educate him to make him a better person." 」
I looked at Jing, thinking of the native home, let a person know that they are loved by the world, and thus produced a kind of courage, is to continue life, continue the human fragile but firm relationship.
It's like belonging to a home that is assembled, to us, the most profound emotional call.
She had important family members, her mother, the heavenly father, and the love they gave her the concept of home would always be with her. I don't know where to go in the future, but what home should be like, she will be able to fight from without doubt, and more courageously.