Looking for a secure second half of your life? Interview with Jane: "Without understanding yourself, that person will not show up"

Two years ago to register marriage, gave birth to the first baby, in addition to being an actor, Jane is also a wife, also as a mother. She was only 28 that year.

In her life dictionary, some things seem to be decided quickly, such as having children before a wedding, or, for example, a modern man's late marriage, she just turned thirty, ready to welcome her second child. And she and her husband, the two men are very different in nature; they find complementary places in the heterogeneous, and they are letting each other grow. The book tells me that when you meet this person, you see that so-called blueprint for the future, and you know you want to make a home with him.

But before that, instead of finding so-called true love in the camp, she spent a lot of time getting to know herself.

That person won't show up until he knows himself.

"Just think of one thing, if there's only one last person in the world to be with you, what kind of person is it?" 」

The book mentions that a person's life will encounter many different kinds of passers-by. These people are like a mirror that helps you reflect yourself and see your needs. Some of them just hurried through, some with you a little longer road, some still around. And as you repeat these relationships, you feel like and dislike, comfort, or embarrassment, satisfaction, or lack, and you will slowly know what kind of person is with you and who will make you feel supportive and happy.

So, not so much that you're looking for the right person, you're looking for the right one.

She mentions a quagmire that we can easily get into emotionally: "You imagine he should give you these cares." But a lot of times, you may just pin your inexplicable hopes on the other person. Without knowing yourself, you don't think what you want is necessarily true.

"Because romance can be made. What is happiness? This flashy world, full of information, every day is not short of the shape of romance, beauty and gorgeous; candlelight dinner ads everywhere, Valentine's Day gift proposals, love speech poetry collection, the world is not tired of defining the path of happiness, we can easily think of all kinds of ways to make happiness. However, what they say is "good" is not necessarily something you really feel "good". (Extended reading: Love psychology tells you: Why, always meet the right person? ) )

And you're serious about it?

"If you don't know what you want, that person won't really show up." 」

From being a lover to becoming a wife, she insists that this path is not a romantic story. And very practically, you're constantly trying to figure yourself out and think about the process. She says the relationship is not about being parasitic, not finding someone who will change who's in your current life; it's about knowing who each other is and I love you. Because I know that before I met, you have prepared yourself for this love. (Guess what you want to see: Is there really a "right person"? Psychology crack Mr.Right myths )

Unprepared mothers: Life is a time of uncontrolled

The same applies in many places. Like being a mother.

However, after all, it is more different than the level of love, or marriage. It's about a new life, how do you take responsibility for a life? Especially if a woman wants to be a mother, she will face a great change in her mind, body and quality of life. Throwing out this huge question, the book thought for a long time, a little hesitant to answer i said, maybe this matter, really difficult to prepare.

"I've been in yoga class for almost five years. In the first lesson, the teacher asked us to practice yoga feet, open our toes, and stand up in the middle. I thought it was simple, but found it difficult. On that occasion, she seemed to be spot-pointing, knowing that her body had something out of her control.

For example, later pregnancy, because of hormonal changes, will be very easy to move. When i was pregnant with my first child, I cried hard when I saw a japanese drama. The second child began to hurt, pregnant vomit, some food into the mouth, it becomes a very strange taste.

After the birth of the baby, start to know that the baby will not follow your planned trip to walk; he is going to cry today, what physiological needs, you can not ask him "why can't I think of more." You'll know this state of life like this, and then practice facing it.

She had a strong desire for control over life and hoped that everything would be carried out according to her own arrangements. But after the mother, she felt that one person can be so tolerant and pay to another person, let him be allowed to enter into the life you did not expect, let you know that the so-called parental love, from the acceptance of many uncontrolled moments, and let you practice constantly let go, for the child is willing to be strong in strange emotions.

Now she is no longer so harsh on herself or others. She says that if there's a lot of things you can't control, just be more focused and focus will balance you.

Writing about it, it occurred to me that I forgot to ask her the last three toes, and stood up.

Before you were a mom, you had to be able to make yourself well.

From the body back to the reality level. I asked her to give some practical advice to the girls who wanted to be mothers. She's a bit of an ear-to-ear, saying young women, it's important to have children in a state of economic independence.

"At least you can make yourself well, and it's better to have some savings, maybe a million dollars." 'Just think of having a baby as a start-up, or buy a house, before you buy it, you need to know what the price is, how long you can borrow, and what amount you can make in the first payment,' she said. These are all to be calculated.

And this money, in fact, is not only to prepare for the child, but also to the mother me time investment: "Because of having a child, you may not want to work for a while, just want to have a good rest." At this time you have your own money, you can take yourself to go shopping, eat what you want to eat. Knowing that you can make yourself better, your happiness will also be the joy of a whole family. Emotional this thing, will be in a family head loop. (Editor's recommendation: Take good care of your heart first!) Mom's happiness doesn't have to be built on her family.

"There were people around me who started by saying they were going to be a full-time mom and imagined it would be a great life. But now you will find that they are beginning to complain, saying why only husbands and children in life, do not have their own time? 'Without having children, you lose yourself completely, ' she says. But your child does take up a big part of your time and changes your life pattern: "Include wherever you can go, your plan is to think of him at any time." (Extended reading: Working Mom: I work at the company during the day and go home at night for the "second shift")

"So being a mom isn't just a lot of nice pictures of kids clocking around on IG. Real mother life, solid, is from the reality of life began with a comprehensive consideration. From the past there was only one person, now you have to take responsibility for another life. A baby, there will be physical, there will be psychological needs to be satisfied. So she said, save the first bucket of gold as a mother. Like investing in a home, there is emotion about the mother, there is also about the child. I don't know why, I like this metaphor.

If you first thought there would be a mother-in-law problem, there would be

After getting married, he moved to Mr.'s house and lived with his mother-in-law. I wonder if this doesn't seem like a choice for a couple who are now commonly newlyweds? She turned to tell me that the relationship we were talking about was actually a relationship:

"If you think there will be a mother-in-law problem in the future, then there will be a mother-in-law problem." 」

For her, elders may indeed have the way they are used or want to care for their children, but just like everyone has their own preferences and a pattern of getting along with people: "You actually think of her as a person, and don't think of her as a mother-in-law." You try to get along well with this person. If you try or not, give up. But if you pre-empt it, there is never a chance to change. (Choose for you:"Rai Pexia essay" Who said that the mother-in-law must be a good mother and daughter? ) )

In fact, looking back, she said a lot of relationships, so is. If you want to control a person with your own thinking first, you will have a hard time meeting the right person;

On the contrary, if you expect his arrival, a relationship will occur, there may be a chance of success:

"When I was studying yoga, I saw a scripture that said that a woman could begin reciting three years before deciding to become pregnant to pray for the soul best suited to the family. And even if you're pregnant, you can call for what kind of child to be your family. 」

The book is very mysterious, but continues to say that the mother pregnant October, you every moment of every day in the feeling of this life changes and pulsations, you coexist, extremely close. But for fathers, there may be no feeling before the child comes to him. "Like my husband would say, in fact, he sometimes thinks it's a lot like that. How come there's a life in the belly, and the belly moves? 」

However, fathers will still go to imagine the emergence of a kind of love, to touch the mother's stomach, talk ingested to the baby.

So in a family of everyone, the mother and their own uncontrolled body, father and unborn strange child; And here you see a very strong core of home - we look forward to each other, calling each other, to be each other's family.