"Before marriage is a virgin, after marriage is happy" "Common Girl" but mother, when "lady" will be more happy?

The Taiwan drama "The Popular Girl' Cultivation" was on the hot air. The heroine, Chen Jialing (Xie Ying-ling), comes from a conservative family. From an early age, her mother and Ao taught her to be a "lady", to be dignified, to know how to be patient, to be a good girl, the future can also marry a good family. (Guess you want to see:"Common Girl" : 39 years old do not get married, I have no children, no husband and offend who? ) )

In that home, the grown-ups tied their daughter's mind and body with established traditional ideas. Things like, "See how you're going to be a woman!" "The more you think, the harder it is to marry, the worse you marry, the worse you marry." As children, we think back to these words and feel absurd, but on the other hand, back to this group of grown people, they may not know how to accompany the girl to grow up - that deep and broad adolescent issue, why is a family taboo about love and sex? And how can children who lack emotional/sex education grow up?

Photo : A photo of the "Common Girl"

Photo : A photo of the "Common Girl"

"Before marriage is a virgin, happy after marriage" when the girl's sex education, can only be a threat?

At Little Jialing's home, it's very similar to most of our growing up environment - it's hard to talk to children about what sex is and what love is. As children begin to grow, parents panic. They usually only choose to answer children's curiosity about their bodies or relationships in a deceptive and vague way.

And the most disturbing of these is that the family often in a more threatening way to control a girl's body. For example, in April this year, in our Facebook page, "The most want you to run away from home" message, someone mentioned that parents said, "At a young age to have a boyfriend, do not feel like the destruction of their reputation?" "How do you marry like this?" Back in the show, it also reveals how adults in traditional families issue "warning" speech or behavior to their daughters.

"I said, men and women are not, I can't play with you!" 」

Little Jialing has a group of boy friends, naively explore the world of childhood. But from a certain period onwards, it was prevented by adults from continuing to communicate. In order not to let her and the little boy to live in a room, her mother locked her room door hard and raw, and Ao told her that too early by the man to sleep, will lose value, and in front of her hand to blow up a Sacha.

At the same time, the neighbor sister Ao wrote to the adoring object of love letter, was spread throughout the village, in front of the door by his parents beat up. Little Jialing saw Sister Ao's cry, do not know what heartache is, but the stick seems to fall on her body, let her follow the tears.

She heard the neighbor aunt scolded Ao is "don't face", heard Ao to herself said "before marriage is a virgin, after marriage can be happy", she also seems to understand, only know that life to lose several playmates, how boring ah. And back in real life, when our family usually refuses to talk about sex and emotion, wait until something happens, and then always to scold education, girls are often in a series of "you do not protect the body, the future will encounter misfortune" threatening words in the growth.

And what will grow into do not know - for example, after Ao was ruthlessly repaired, the whole family moved out of the village;

"I felt part-old and followed her. 」

How did these dozens and hundreds of axe grow up? No one knows anymore.

Yet what the grown-ups don't want to talk about doesn't mean it didn't happen.

How can children understand so-called puberty and accept changes in their bodies in the face of the widespread absence of sex education in the family?

First of all, we may have to understand, even if we avoid talking, do not know how to talk, youth will eventually come as scheduled.

There is an interesting metaphor in the play - Little Jialing's Ao insisted that the salted fish sent by her Aunt Japan is good food, even if put into the bad also let her take the toilet. She said that for Ao, as long as things in the refrigerator will not break, "only save, no duration." However, the smell of salted fish skunk has spread throughout the classroom, so that her classmates have fled; the same thing put on a family table, the family may not smell? (Editor's Pick: A Lesson That Adults and Children Should Take: Because of Sexual Anxiety, Sex Education Is Needed)

Photo : A photo of the "Common Girl"

In other words, is it possible that the body of a girl who has been in control for a long time can grow up in such a quiet way? After puberty, girls will feel that they are highlighting the second sexual ity, menstruation when the strong smell of blood and out-of-control physical changes, time and time again strange mood and hormones;

No one is talking about it, as if the world is the only one in yours that is stormy.

You observe that when a family sees a kissing picture on TV, they automatically pretend to be okay, bow your head or shift the subject; at school you want to hide the tampon, accidentally show up and be laughed at by the boy, you meet red-eared. In the growing environment we generally experience, sexual and emotional education is extremely sleepy, and this concealment gradually develops your sense of shame. (To point the way: menstruation, dream legacy how to teach? Teaching site: "It is important to actively talk to children about puberty"

However, the secret that has been kept secret for too long will one day be exposed. Little Jialing in the middle of the night shouting stomach pain, Ao only admitted that the fish is really bad. But at the same time, she blames the child in turn: "It's not that people tell you what to eat, you eat it." You see Little Jialing's full grievance, and the absurdity and dishonesty of the big people. Her helplessness is also very real - many times we feel lonely at home, and we have to find our own ways to survive and grow up.

Because what the greats don't talk about and don't admit, it's in full swing, in our bodies.

A child who is squealing can finally find a way to love

In the scene of adolescence, it is indeed often miserable to see, and lonely can not. Looking back, we know that perhaps the group of big people are very flustered, too late to practice how to accompany their children to grow up.

But at first glance, in the midst of helplessness, the play makes a lovely character personality arrangement - little Jialing Guling, in fact, has long seen through the tricks of the big people. Early on, she destroyed the skunk salted fish and poured the water from her family into the sink. 'It's not necessarily good to be obedient sometimes,' she said. Sometimes you have to learn to be a smart kid.

The plot to the fourth episode, we see growing up Jialing, nearly 40 years old, has a boyfriend about marriage; At the same time, her life is biased to appear a know how to please her, she will be held as a girl-like love Mark, once again evoked her love.

Photo : A photo of the "Common Girl"

Back to the scene of childhood, then little Jialing, dedicated to the neighbor Ayu sister to pass love letters. One seal after another, she always does not know why sister to laugh, love is so beautiful? Later, because of the exposure of love letters, the sister was blamed by their parents, and moved out of the village. I saw this emotional taboo education of the little Jialing, but it seems to be for the moved sister rememberwhat what the feeling of heart.

That is, she is also from a control of her daughter's body home, but when she grows up, she still knows what kind of love she wants.

"I don't think I want to get married. She opened her mouth and said to her fiance, it was like dropping a shock bomb.

But it's incredibly addictive.

Thirty-nine years old, do you have a choice? Her sister-in-law, or her mother, the family that the camp wanted her to marry off quickly, did not stop her emotional instincts. The child has grown up, and she can't be a lady in her mother's eyes, and she can finally be herself. (Guess you want to see:"Sister's wild quote" sister does not need who to pick up, sister can go by herself)

Back in our real life, you may be like Little Jialing, already a smart and dexterous girl, know how to make yourself better; However, no matter which way you go, your body will accompany you to today, it makes you pain, let you happy, so you understand that you can always call back belong to your initiative.