How do you communicate with different families?

Carrefour Zhongyuan Festival advertising, on the shelf on the trigger for heated discussion. The mother in the film is superstitious feng shui, the daughter is looking at the stars every day, two people can not understand each other, often spit each other. Until one day, the mother saw her daughter lost love crying home, a little panicked, so up to hug her, said it is okay, "You just encounterwater, soon passed." 」

And not yet over, let's not help the nasal acid, still at the end of the film.

"Three infidels are going to worship together!" 」

Carrefour before the release of the Chinese Yuan Festival ads, the description of a different generations under the eaves have their own beliefs, usually there is no lack of quarrels for this, each other spit grooves. The film begins with the words "Three Infidels", which makes one can't help but smile.

And this is a common problem in our average family today - we are so different, but we have to be family members, and in the face of each other's stubborn superstitions, is there any way to communicate and understand each other?

Photo : Screenshot of Carrefour's Chinese Yuan Festival film

Generational estrangement: Why are we so close and so far?

Generational estrangement should be a common topic of discussion in our time.

For example, parents want you to read what department, in your 30 years of age on the wedding, with the thinking of the previous generation, trying to spread the child's life plan; The problems that cannot be solved in the family make it harder for parents to get close to their children, and children are becoming less and less likely to go home. (Guess what you want to see: A word for elders to stop getting married!) The True Reaction of the Twelve Constellations to "When to Get Married" )

Under one roof, each heart, even if sitting very close, also do not kiss. And what can we think of this issue?

In Carrefour's films, it's relatively easy to talk about generational differences in a relatively light-hearted way - different faiths between mother and daughter. In the film, the mother insists on moving the sofa at night only for feng shui, disturbing the neighbors; In her daughter's eyes, the mother's behavior and thinking are stubborn. For the mother, however, the daughter's faith is another kind of blindness. Daughter to see the star phase, letter water counter, afraid of their own out to be unlucky, on the lucky color and then wear the whole body of purple. Mother would satirize her: "Is it going to the Law Society?" 」

Photo : Screenshot of Carrefour's Chinese Yuan Festival film

The film, in a light-hearted and humorous way, also points out the source of problems between elders and children in a home. Daughters really don't like the mother's superstition, and the mother doesn't think the things she cares about make sense;

For example, the mother took her daughter's clothes to the temple, so that her daughter date no new clothes to wear, which is the inconvenience and resentment caused to her. For example, the mother to the temple to seek peace, but the daughter only believe in the beautiful Japanese royal, which will also make the mother feel that their hearts are ignored, and began to affect the sense of trust.

So, in the "you don't understand, why am I telling you" and "you want to control me, but I don't want it" and so on, we began to be reluctant to be close to family. And one of the most helpless, is that we clearly live very close to each other, care for each other life, but the heart is very far - this is actually a family, the last thing to see.

When superstition becomes a language at home: How do you open up communication?

So, if we don't want to see the alienation of our homes, how can we open bridges of communication?

We often feel that very different thoughts are like a high wall that blocks each other. For example, you can't understand why elders have so many unfounded taboos, rumors, myths, like the old man who doesn't know how to adapt. It's easy to get angry about it and think he's unreasonable. But sometimes, the more you think it's a wall, the harder it will be, the harder it will be to dump it.

The daughter in the short film, one day home crying sad. She told her mother, Taro tran fortune-telling results, I can only meet the scum for three years. At this point, you see the distressed daughter's mother, walk up to her hug her, and say: "You are only encountering water. It was soon over. 」

This time, the mother chose to use her daughter's language, trying to give a little comfort. Thus, although the quarrel between mother and daughter originated from superstition, but they can reconcile the language is also superstition.

Photo : Screenshot of Carrefour's Chinese Yuan Festival film

Photo : Screenshot of Carrefour's Chinese Yuan Festival film

The first step in opening communication may be to ignore the wall first. Or you may even have to transform the "wall" itself, so that the otherwise tricky obstacles become your chance.

For example, you know that elders have their own minds, and children have their own generations, and the differences between us are usually huge. But, in contrast, if the other party is so sure of that thing today, you can borrow the other party's "understandable" logic to start a conversation. Because what we're going to do, perhaps never changing each other -- just like you don't like your parents trying to change you -- is to find a way to be comfortable with each other and slowly crack the heart wall. (Here's how to give you a way: Talk politics to your family!) Psychology Professor: Asking questions is more effective than speaking up)

Also take a look at the mother's mood "Daughter, how can I take your tears?" 」

And in addition to constantly looking for practical ways, there is an effective way to try to understand each other.

In the short film later, the mother hugged the sad daughter, the plot also went on to reveal that, in fact, the mother already knew that the daughter lost love. She looked at feng shui decoration, to the temple for peace, take her daughter's clothes over the incense, is to seek good marriage for her daughter. The mother's way may seem awkward, but that's the way she believes - does she think that by doing so, her daughter will be better happy?

Back in real life, we can try to understand that a lot of the time, our mother is helpless inside. It may be the first time to send you to kindergarten, to see you crying, she wants to be calmer than you, then practice letting go, or the first time in the face of your first bible, pressing the pain, she stewed four soup, while anxious about your growth, will face more pain; Or gently tell you to eat well and let time pass.

In fact, in the face of your growth, your frustration, parents are not every time they know what to do. But just because they see that their children are so vulnerable, they force themselves to be strong. So, when we talk about the absence of family emotional education, as if parents never teach you how to fall in love, age to be married, you have a cold about it. But in fact look back, they have been in many times, in a subtle and quiet way, told you to love a person's truth. (Mother's Book: A Letter to Your Daughter: The Road Outside is Bad, but I Am Your Forever Home)

Photo : Screenshot of Carrefour's Chinese Yuan Festival film

We always talk about it, and in the face of your parents' rigid thinking, you can't understand it, and you often feel angry and powerless. And parents face their children, often do not know how to be close to, in order to have a better relationship?

So, in these feelings of uneasiness, anxiety, or anger, we can easily mess up the opportunity to communicate. Because when you're too anxious to change each other, but find that you can't change each other at all, you'll only amplify negative emotions into a vicious circle of relationships. And in the end you will find that you are not letting go of yourself. (Extended reading: "Anti-Send" family dispute: Is the child'sposition different from mine, is it "unfilial"? ) )

But in fact, between the family, there are always more details, worthy of our good exploration and feelings. Therefore, children do not give up too quickly, the grown-up stoking themselves too much. Just like this movie is finally going to tell us

I didn't start to believe in constellations, and you didn't start to believe feng shui. But the same thing we believe in is called affection.