"For the first time, did you bleed?" My mother asked me awkwardly, obviously more than I was worried about my virgin film. Hey, dear Mom, the problem isn't that serious! Let's have a chat, between mother and daughter, how can you talk about sex? Why does a daughter's vagina make a mother so anxious?
"I have a secret, hidden in my heart for a long time, has not dared to tell you." I'm afraid, you'll mind. 」
That night, my mother threw this sentence at me, and then smiled a little awkwardly. A few minutes before this sentence appeared, our mother and daughter finally talked directly about "sex" for the first time. Talk about my sexual experience, talk about my various firsts.
Her words, suddenly let me a little nervous, what is the secret, mother needs to hide in the bottom of my heart so long?
"Actually, when you were in the fourth grade of primary school, you were "falling red". Mother said with a drumbeat, and if she didn't do it, she didn't have the courage to speak.
Originally, one day in the fourth grade of primary school, our whole family went to ride a bicycle, the night in the middle of the night, my mother found that i have a beach of blood on my underwear. I don't remember it at all. Mother dare not say to me, also feel and father discussion is very embarrassing, so it will be more than ten years ago in the heart of the past, until I am about to graduate from college, only finally said.
I choked, a little surprised. There was little emotion other than surprise. No wonder, just before she talks about it, she asks carefully, "Did you bleed the first time?" 」
Looking at my mother is still embarrassed, I think a little funny and cute. "Mom, I don't mind at all. 」
Pictures . . . . . . . . .
In the face of her daughter's vagina, mom is anxious.
I think it's very interesting, and the excitement comes from the old age that I know "has something to do with my body" and it's told from my mother. I seemed to find a link with my mother at that moment.
This link is about "sex". "Sex" education is often absent from family relationships, but it should exist.
We are women, we are mothers and daughters, and I give birth from her vagina. We should have many similar and shared life experiences, but the discussion of love and sex has never been mentioned.
"Mom, why are you afraid I'm so concerned?" I decided to have a good chat with my mother about "sex" and a chat about the virgin complex. I've wanted to do this for a long time.
"I'm afraid you'll break down when you know you're not a virgin. In the face of my attitude of no matter, my mother finally breathed a sigh of relief, the tone slowed down.
A mother's anxiety about "daughter's vagina" is her "daughter's sexual" anxiety.
In fact, I can understand my mother's worries and worries. In the age when she grew up, women were more educated: to be docile, to be good, to be a good wife and mother, not too strong, do not have their own ideas, very loss." Women have to worry about whether they will lose their price in the marriage market, and losing their chastity is a big threat to women.
In her mother's life, she was burdened with this idea, so inevitably, she projected her fear of sex onher to her daughter.
"Sex" is often shaped to be very obscure and is often considered a taboo that women cannot say.
In the individual and social life has the emotional meaning of the various aspects, it is not limited to "sexual behavior", but widely related to our feelings about sexuality, identity and the relationships that are established.
"How amazing it is that almost no one ever reminds us to pay attention to where your sex is, to remember why it happened, to see its many shapes, dead, or bright. Zhang also in the "history of sexual meaning" in the book, about the "girl's sex" aphasia. (Same-field play: What can't we say below?) Interview writer Zhang Yiguang: the language of sex, in fact, there are still various potholes )
"You told me in the first place that you would never have premarital sex. Probably the chat opened, my mother actually teased me.
"I don't remember anything like this" I actually remember, but die does not admit, "When there is desire, you have to have sex ah." 」
That night, I was finally able to say to my mother, I have a desire, I will want to have sex. And these things, we can easily chat.
Family sex education, clearly cute
From little age to grow, my mother gave me a lot of care and love, she came from her time, draw all the nutrients, give me all she can give, and I said all she can say. Only "sex" is like an unknown territory, not to be touched. Several times, even if I offered to mention it, were directly or indirectly rejected for discussion.
Another story, I remember, how much her mother reacted when she knew I was starting using tampons. There was a strong and complex emotion on her face, which I thought was angry, disgusted, strange, and then i realized that she was at a loss. (Extended reading: First use of tampons to get started!) A full-use teaching guide for you)
Mother's confusion may come from her withdrawal from sex education. After all, she used to teach us how to use tampons. Tampons, in her imagination, are stuffing a foreign object into her vagina, which seems serious in her eyes.
Mother wants her daughter to be happy, less wrong way, so or persuade or advise the land, to girls obedient, to serve in the existence of a long-term social value - when a may be more popular with men virgin.
Why is it normal to put a penis in the vagina and not put in tampons or fingers?
Because of tampons, we had some unpleasant. I'm always reluctant to compromise. After a few back and forth trips, she will now offer to help me buy tampons. In fact, I know that she may not have fully accepted the use of tampons, but she tried to understand, and no longer so rebounded.
Her daughter, not knowing when, grew up. Have some gender awareness, care about women's issues, try to build a social system, gently bump.
To her, her daughter did not really do anything wrong, but it was not what she thought she was "good". The mothers of the previous generation, to educate the next generation of daughters, even if the feelings are good, may have a broken line.
Dear Mom, I want to say, I can understand. You care about me and hope I'm okay, and I hope you don't worry too much about me and be afraid. I look forward to our future can be like this, talk about sex, talk about love, talk about our size.
"We can't expect the next generation to live the same life as we do. On the face of it, we fight, fight, and break the limits so that our children don't have to do the same thing. For many of us, the most difficult thing is to let our children be themselves. 」
Susan Love, "I Tell My Daughter"
Family sex education, which sounds serious, doesn't know where to start. In fact, parents and children, as long as one side is willing to try to talk about "sex" is not as difficult as we think. (Recommended reading: Talking to kids about sex education: Taiwanese parents, you don't have to fight so hard)
As a daughter, I grew up curious and confused about sex, hoping that my mother would give me some correct sexual ideas and guidance. Finally, one night a few decades later, our mother and daughter sat down to talk about sex and love.
"Mom, I'm so happy that you told me about "Red" last night. The next morning, I walked up to my mother and talked to her.
"Yes, I am." A faint smile appeared on my mother's face.
I think that night, I found not only my vagina, but also family sex education, but also the emotional link with my mother.