"If it were me, could you?" I asked, and he reached out and touched me, like a current coming, and we immediately entangled. That night, I accidentally slept with a friend I had known for years. The study points out that friendship is inherently out of touch with sex. However, when friendship crosses the line, how do you face it? Let's take you one step at a time!
When it comes to "seasickness", we may first think of a gun or a one-night stand. In fact, sometimes and know friends for many years, there will be suddenly for each other's heart-to-heart moments, even when each other's passions are high, the sky thunder and fire, accidental sexual relations. (Same-field plus: seasickness and bedsickness: after a short romance, how to get ashore quickly?) ) )
S and T are friends who have known each other for more than a decade, and both have had several relationships. They occasionally meet and chat, chat about current affairs gossip, and know who they are with and who they have broken up with. They say unimportant trash words, but also talk deep into their own inner words.
"We are very good friends. All along, S thought so, and she thought T should be the same.
One night, S to T's rental room, two people have not seen for a long time, as soon as the box can not stop. Newly re-married, T talks about herself and his ex-girlfriend; S also shares some of his thoughts. They found that each other in a romantic relationship in the shape and state, very similar.
They chatted about sex in a non-marginal way, and S remembered that he seemed to have not slept with anyone in a long time.
S looked at T's red cheeks for alcohol and suddenly felt a little cute. "Yeah, me, can you?" Take advantage of the wine, S also do not know where to come from the courage to throw this sentence - anyway, if the other side can not, the next day pretend to be too drunk, she thought.
The atmosphere condensed awkwardly, and T looked at S. Just when S was trying to pretend to be a joke, T coldly reached out his hand and touched S's face. Two people skin contact, Buddha press the body switch, desire to let them temporarily forget the friend's part, so had sex.
Pictures . . . . . . . . .
"Do you regret it?" After listening to the story, I asked S. S shook her head, saying they were all happy at the moment, "just, later didn't know how to get along with him." 」
When friendship crosses the line, can it be a good friend? Will their relationship change as a result? What if I find myself seasick to a friend?
Relationship Psychology: "Friendship" and "Sex"
Psychology Today Notably, Dr. Don O'Meara presented a study in Sex Roles that showed what obstacles to pure friendship between the opposite sex might be, and one of the factors was "sex."
"You're trying to do a friend-friend thing, but the male-female parts of you get in the way."
"You try to do what your friends would do, but the "heterosexual" elements of you and the other person can get you in the way. 」
- Don O'Meara, Ph.D.
According to a survey published in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, they asked subjects where they "liked" and "disliked" heterosexual friendships. Among them, women's least likely reasons for heterosexual friendship sons and girls are nervous about "sex", but many men answer that "sexual attraction" is one of the main reasons for friendship with women, and even deepen their relationship.
However, it is also mentioned that "sex" is certainly not the whole story of friendship.
Even if you have a sexual attraction between you, it may not be suitable for entering a relationship.
Dr. Walid Afifi, from Penn State University, has conducted research on a group of college students. Of the more than 300 college students surveyed, 67% had sex with friends. It's worth noting that 56 percent of them don't develop a relationship with each other after having sex.
Sex exists not only in love, but also in friendship. The "sex" here refers not only to sexual ity, but also to the flow of lust.
The feelings between friends, accidentally crossed the boundary, touched the boundaries of sex, in fact, do not need to make a fuss. What's more, have you found a comfortable place for each other in this relationship?
How do you go back to "pure friendship" after going to bed?
Back to the story of S. Later, they still contact, but always feel that there is something wrong, the two are not as comfortable as before. Originally felt that it is only a variety of acts of friendship, after the two people had a relationship, both sides began to worry, afraid to make each other's misunderstanding of the move.
"The body remembers that we once slept together. Xu Peifen, "Nightanimals"
How do you deal with this relationship after sleeping with friends? In fact, you can try to understand yourself first, and then explain to each other. In response to feelings, psychiatrist Deng Huiwen said: "Instead of thinking about what other people have, you should be more curious, I am what is wrong." (Recommended reading: Interview with Deng Huiwen: "If you have been waiting to be taken care of, your own growth will not be completed"
Here we offer you some directions and steps:
- Clarify your thoughts and intentions: Before you deal with two people's affairs, you need to deal with your own affairs. Think about it, do you still treat each other as a regular friend now? Do you want to get into a relationship with him? Or do you think you can become a sexually loving bed with him?
- Discuss with each other: As friends, you should be able to communicate. You can discuss what was going on that day? What are you thinking? What do you want to do with it? For example, you may be going to pretend to be okay together, to erase this memory, and never to mention it again, or, in fact, you are very generous, feel it doesn't matter, just get along once, or you're going to add this friendship to the "sex" component and become friends who can have sex later.
You two need to be honest and agree. No matter how you decide to get along later, what kind of friend you become, the most important thing is to be able to respect and understand each other and find comfortable relationships and patterns for both of you.