"You don't like that wedding dress, I ask my mother to change it or do you not like the house, I ask my mother to quit." In the popular female formation, Chen Jialing's boyfriend Jiang Xianrong is known as the typical mother treasure. As soon as we hear "Mama Bao", we may go back three steps. No sense of responsibility, everything to ask mom, Ma Bao has no chance to grow up? What if my other half is Mombao?
"You don't like that wedding dress, I ask my mother to change it or do you not like the house, I ask my mother to quit." I don't want to break up. 」
"I'm sorry, it's not your fault. 」
In the fifth episode of the Taiwan drama "The Common Girl", Chen Jialing broke up with her boyfriend Jiang Hsien-rongti. Jiang Hsien-rong sat on the ground like a child, begging not to break up, do not like anything, can be called mother change.
The audience said Jiang Xianrong is a mother treasure, let his mother intervene in his and Chen Jialing feelings, open mouth is the mother's problem, mother to deal with. However, in the "common girl", there is another generation of mastoma: Chen Jialing's father, act inge do not think about the consequences, adult-like but full of childish.
Photo : A photo of the "Common Girl"
The existence of these two "mamabao" reflects this social fear of men over-listening to "mom" words, that such people have no sense of responsibility, no autonomy, whether it is dating, marriage, father, never grow up a day.
Thought it was filial piety, but it didn't grow much.
When you hear your partner say to you: I have to call my mother every day to prepare the trip. You may be startled and start thinking about whether this person is filial piety or masto.
Ma Bao, according to Wikipedia, Cantonese also known as skirtand, characterized by no idea, the mantra is "but my mother said" "My mother just wants to". Hear the two words of Mombao, you may subconsciously want to persuade the other side to release, encounter really can not move, will not help laughing at him: don't let go ah, this kind of you keep care.
"Irresponsible and love drag, encounter big and small things are looking for mother, this kind of mother treasure in the entanglement before, to quickly release ah!" Otherwise, his mother moved to your house next door to help his son wash his underwear. 」
When Jiang Xianrong accepted Chen Jialing's proposal, he did not shy away from letting his mother intervene, from the new house decoration, wedding style, and even to Chen Jialing in the future whether to continue to work, whether to learn to cook, baking, yoga, mother-in-law are ready. At first glance for the busy two good, but Chen Jialing feel that life is not like their own, and Chen Jialing's father, into a family, but often do not think about the consequences, even if take over the family's pharmacy, Chen Jialing's grandmother is worried about him, unwilling to let his son do. Every time Chen Jialing's father wants to justify that he is not a child, the whole family will say: You are, you are like a child.
Two generations of people, whether married or not, are hard to rest assured. When we shout "Mama Bao", people who are regarded as momtreasure, often find it difficult to accept, think they are just filial piety, listen to mother's words what is wrong? But what we fear is that sometimes filial piety is too much, lack of personal thought, is it just a "small" child?
Some people refer to this "small-length" mood and behavior as "Peter Pan syndrome", a popular psychological concept, and most of them appear in men, referring to adults who do not want to face reality. Although old, but not long-term mind, they live a happy, lively humor, but refuse to bear responsibility.
Photo : A photo of the "Common Girl"
According to Good Therapy,there are five factors that form the Peter Pan syndrome:
1. Gender stereotyped roles
Women are expected to take care of children at home and take on emotional labor, which may free male partners from responsibility and avoid growing up.
In the process of growing up, he is bound to face anxiety, such as looking for a job to earn a living, and today he will refuse to grow up when he has the opportunity to get rid of his responsibilities, such as having his other half or his parents take on it.
Psychologist Humbelina Ortega believes that people with Peter Pan syndrome tend to look for their other half to take care of themselves because they are afraid of loneliness.
4. Fear of commitment
People with Peter Pan syndrome are usually less likely to have unstable relationships and are actively building relationships with younger partners because they require fewer planning and consideration.
5. Helicopter parents
Humbelina Robles Ortega says parents are overprotective, preventing them from acquiring skills as they grow up, from facing difficulties in their lives, and taking responsibility.
The dependency between man and mother can also be discussed in Greek mythology of the Edipas complex (mother-in-law complex), that is, Freud proposed: the son in the process of growth, the mother will develop attachment, eager to replace the father.
Behind "Mama Bao", what we see is how a native family's educational approach affects children's growth and emotional development. So if we meet Mombao, how do we continue to get along?
I still love him, I don't want to let him go.
In the face of small children, if you can't bear to, you have no more infatuation with this relationship, more said no help, handsome let go is actually a good choice. If you still love him, just hope to strike a balance, there are a few ways to make your relationship better:
1. Understanding differences
Varkha Chulani, a clinical psychologist, says that using logical reasoning can reduce your jealousy and anger by accepting that everyone has an "irreplaceable" person in his heart, and that the love of his mother is not the same as that of his partner. When the other half can clarify "irreplaceable sex", you won't feel guilty about spending more time with your mother, and you won't be so jealous of his mother.
2. Become an ally with his mother
Build a good relationship with his mother. If his mother is a little resentful of you, try to understand her thinking, she is just afraid of losing the child, want the child happy. Then you can go one step closer and say that you're not ruining their parent-child relationship, but will support (and get your mom to help the child grow up).
3. Express your concerns
If you feel that his relationship with his mother is starting to have an impact on your intimacy, let your partner understand your concerns and discuss your problems with him and invite him to think about ways to balance the relationship.
This generation, heard the word "Mama Bao", it hides far away. If you have a person around at the moment, do not have to be upset, do not want to let go, then we will accompany them to grow up. (Recommended reading:"Common GirlS" : 39 years old do not marry, I have no children, no husband and offend who? ) )