"I don't love, I don't have sex, I just like to tease, and I try to stimulate each other. Let the psychologist tell you why flirting is always itchy. Contemporary fast food love is prevalent, is flirting a necessary skill?

When it comes to fast food love or short-term romance, perhaps the most impressive example of recent development is the Taiwan drama "We Can't Be Friends", the heroine's friend Han Kefei.

"I'm not responsible for you. "But I'm willing to take responsibility. "You are neurotic ah, I am only in the net, not in the communication! Han Kefei likes to slip dating software and often brings different men home for the night. She took the initiative, and then made it clear: I just want to have sex, I don't want to fall in love. (Recommended reading:"We can't be friends" Han Kefei: If only "buy coke", will make you love more happy)

Photo " We Can't Be Friends"

From there, we see one of the possibilities of a relationship: sexual not love. But if I don't love and don't crave sex, I want to "flirt", okay?

Psychology: We may prefer to be comforted by strangers than friends

Perhaps you also want to find "a little love" emotional dependence, but do not want to formally enter a stable relationship. (Same-on-the-spot:"Single Diary" flirting comfortably, because you don't have to be alone in love)

Why do people indulge in this ambiguous romance? And why, between non-acquaintances, that kind of uncertainty-filled test, people itching but can not extricate themselves?

Psychologist Dr Terri Apter has proposed a work on phenomena that people, regardless of gender, like to be "comforted" by strangers - not only for sex, but also for the mental and spiritual dimensions.

Women and men alike say they enjoy the comfort of the strangers: with the drewhat some one outside outside circle of friends, who doe s not know you well enough to be e-e-irritated by your sylwed, who has has not yet takes s in-the-nature es, who will not be there to do you with the revelations you made the previous night.
"Women and men enjoy comfort ingesting strangers: you're with someone outside your life circle, you're not familiar with you, you don't know how you're doing, and you don't have to worry about your interactions and conversations that will affect your future life." 」
- Dr. Terri Apter

In your life, there are many big and small things that happen every day. Sometimes, you may want to spit out with a friend, but feel that it is very troublesome to account for people's things, or even the risk of being leaked, so you do not talk about sex, or, you have not received a hug for a long time, but feel that it is a little awkward to do it with friends, or, you simply enjoy not entering into sexual contact with physical contact.

Short romance, no burden?

Look for other data and find many other possibilities. In his book "The Obstacles of Attachment", psychiatrist Yoshihito Okada proposes four types of attachment. Among them, "escape-type attachment" people, than intimate relationships, more pursuit of distance.

Hai Tessa, a psychologist who specializes in the study of relationships between the sexes, explains: "For those who avoid attachment, "distance" is tantamount to a sense of security, which translates into everyday behavior: he maintains superficial relationships in a more alienated way." And behind the sense of distance, there may be a reluctance to bear and burden commitments.

"The core desire of the escapade is to be "unbound". They are neither dependent on others nor accepted, and believe that the state of independence is best. 」
- Yoshihiko Okada, "The Attachment Barrier"

If you also like short-term romance, chances are you're an escape-type attachment.

In addition to the above understanding, I suspect that people who are immersed in short-lived romances may have the following possibilities.

  • The current state of life, not suitable for love. For example: preparing for an exam, getting busy at work, and so on.
  • There is a lot of pressure or difficulty in maintaining a relationship.
  • I don't like one-to-one relationship patterns.

Modern ways of making friends are becoming more and more diverse; You can yearn for a stable relationship, or for sex without love, or for a romantic, brief flirtatious date.

As long as you know what you're thinking and enjoy, what's wrong if you want to "flirt"?