Hate meaningless chat, love deep dialogue, don't care much about the other person's appearance, often have a strong interest, there is a person, always easy to be attracted to smart people, their name is "sapiosexual." We obviously hate to show off the clever people, but want to find the other half of the clever, the vast sea of people, in the end how to do?
Gender Force X dating dictionary, talking about the subtle difficulties of contemporary love and not exporting.
"Smart is a new kind of sexiness. "I like interesting souls more than beautiful leather bags" "I want to meet you naked, spiritually." Believe it or not, there's a group of people in the world (or dating software) who think they like people with high IQs more than people who look good. They are known as sapiosexuals, and even some dating apps offer this "sexual" choice.
Lately, the tide has kept up with even politicians. The Times reported that in August 2019, Marlene Schiappa, France's minister for gender equality, said in an interview that she was "sapiosexual" and enjoyed dating "smart boys."
But her interview caused a lot of controversy. Many people ask, what is "smart" in the end? And is "intellectual sex" a new fetish? Will it, this is a new class? (Extended reading:"Clearly not single, but love to have an affair with others?" In the community age, there is a kind of cheating called "micro-cleave")
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Appearance and money, really through the door is good? Australian study: One in ten may be 'intellectual'
The urban dictionary defines intellectual love as "an ethnic group that believes that intelligence brings sexual attraction, more than to physical characteristics." 」
The origin of sapiosexual comes from the Latin root sapiens, meaning IQ, plus sexuality. Web language first appeared in 1998. Around 2014, the first wave of the boom, according to The Independent, was the result of a discussion when the dating app ok cupid chose to open it to all users, and you could choose "intellectual love" as a sexual orientation.
But do they really exist? According to a study published in the journalIntelligenceby Gilles Gignac, a professor of psychology at the University of Western Australia (2018), about one in ten people may be intellectual.
The word "intellectual love" is widely used in popular culture, but we do not have a clear measurement method. He said in an interview with PsyPost, a well-known psychology website.
As a result, he developed a set of pointers, measuring 383 respondents and finding that one in ten were more intellectually attracted than appearance. However, research is still scarce, and it remains to be seen whether intellectual love is a specific sexual orientation group or a cultural manifestation. (Same-field reflection:"Gender watch" "Women love to be angry will not marry off" psychology tells you that you are the anger)
"I Love Bergman Movie" "Like Cold Knowledge Makes Me Happy": These Features May Represent You're Intellectually Gay
Since it is not recognized as sexual orientation, the synthesis of Ginak's pointers and online community observations, so-called intellectual love, may contain, but are not limited to, the following characteristics:
- I like certain cold subjects and enjoy academic dialogue.
- I'm often thought of as a "geek" or a nerd.
- I care about each other's IQ, more than appearance, money and other pointers.
- When I hear the other person say something "smart", It's very emotional and even sexually aroused.
- I enjoy having a "deep knowledge conversation" with my potential partner.
Ginak also points out that "intellectual love" doesn't really like each other's higher IQ, the better. The study found that people with IQs of 120-135 were the most popular, but when IQ exceeded 135, their popularity declined. In other words, the so-called "high IQ" is just a clever way of presenting, not absolute -- good at socializing, dressing up, sports, and possibly another kind of "smart".
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"I only date smart people!" Is it a sexual direction, or a class?
Rising in 2014, but repeatedly in 2019, as the discussion of intellectual love is growing, a spokesman forOK Cupid has stepped in to put out the fire, saying that the option is being linked to asexual, semi-sexual, Pansexual put together just to add a different user option, "but this is not a proof that it is a formal sexual orientation." 」
From a gender perspective,Quartz reports that the self-defining spectrum is becoming more complex as more and more sexual orientations and gender-identity words emerge. "If "heterosexual" and "gay" are to allow people to define the biological sex of their partners and their partners, then the term "intellectual love" becomes common and means that we begin to take a stand and preference for IQ. 」
From a class point of view, the word is also considered to be class-discriminatory. In response to a statement by France's minister for gender equality,the Times commented, "It's almost like a fetish, like I say I like a lot of hairy backs." And this fetish is also based on the cultural capital of the individual and the class. After all, the definition of "smart" is actually very broad, but in a narrow sense, smart is often seen, still according to education, occupation, do not understand difficult scientific principles, classical music, red wine to judge.
The dilemma of dating software reflected in "intellectual love": where do people who crave deep dialogue go?
If you see this on the dating app, "I'm smart, and I only date smart people!" It's definitely going to make you feel uncomfortable. After all, no one wants to be a date fool -- am I rejected because I'm stupid?
However, in a different direction, perhaps this "intellectual love" self-expression, but rather people in the dating software of the distress signal, is a kind of counter-reaction to the hookup culture.
"This wave may be a reaction, " Dawoon Kang, founder of coffee-making software Coffee Meets Bagel, said in an interview: "It's an undeniable trend that shows people's burnout from looking at face-to-face dating." 」
In her book Alone, the Internet makes it easier for people to meet new friends, making it harder to keep a relationship, says Sherry Turkle, a psychologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. The more we rely on endless network strange faces, the more lonely, but also gradually lose the ability to be alone.
Love with "talking": We all want to find a partner who understands each other
Online dating has changed the need for us to express relationships. Born, in intimate relationships, most people are eager for deep dialogue, long ingenuity to each other, but in the fast-food relationship of dating software, there is only two seconds of time to express themselves, otherwise it is "left-slip" ignored, how to express their needs quickly? Perhaps the emergence of intellectual love is a signal that people are trying to express themselves again.
It may not represent IQ entirely, but it is more important than any previous era that people need to be based on values such as common interests, political positions, and self-realization.
A few tips for intellectual sex:
- Confident: First of all, you need to know that when a wise love, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
- In other words: If you say directly that you like smart people, you might make the other person bounce a little bit (he might think, "So do you think, everyone else is stupid?") It's better to start praising the other side from other areas.
- Think down: You can also think, "Do I really only have the other person's IQ?" Or is it that his background is similar to mine, the way he talks, the way he shines when he's immersed in his interest," and you might find that what you like is the other trait of the other person is not necessarily.
We all desire to be loved, understood, and respected. Perhaps this is also an age in which we have to rethink -- what is our understanding of love, sex, our own relationships? (Extended reading: Love a person, silly and why not? ) )