Following the publication by South Korea's Dispatch newspaper of the records of Huishan and Anzai Hyun's communications, we are anxious to know who is responsible for who. But perhaps we can stop and take a moment to look at ourselves and another partner - in a relationship, what we say, does it rather keep us away from each other?
Since the news of Anzai Hyun's divorce with Hui-san on August 18th, South Korea's Dispatch has published a record of the message conversation between the two men, and the community has begun to see a "side-pick" situation - some of which suggest that, judging by every community post and her cohabitation convention with Ahn Zai-hyun, it is as good as good "Terror lover", through various methods to control and question AnZai-hyun, and some people think that if not AnZai-hyun has made mistakes, there is no need to keep a close eye on AnZai-hyun.
So the whole discussion environment, there must be a "divorce, there must be one side to one side wrong" atmosphere, and we are anxious to know who is responsible for who.
But perhaps, if we take a little distance to look at this relationship, will it, from beginning to end, we will actually see two people who want to pay for their home? One side is at home because of loneliness, constantly sending messages, one side is not often home, but want to earn money to take care of the family - but the way they take care of the family, there is no consensus, and eventually in your message to me, the relationship is getting worse and worse. And until the final break-up, they said to each other, "Good-bye, I hope you meet good people" "Come on, thank you." 」
"Would we be happy if I didn't say I love you then?" wrote in the community. 」。
In this relationship, we also see ourselves - there are many situations we have all experienced, and many times, a relationship is broken and separated because of the daily mindless stack and accumulation: a casual word, hidden in the heart of the damage of the kernel, may be little by little distance from each other.
It's like at the end of the day, they go from saying "good night" to "I love you" to questioning and saying cold words to each other, "Why don't you tell me where you're going" "You've broken my trust" and "Okay, I know."
Three unknowingly hurt each other's words, you have ever hung on the lips?
Photo: Official IG
What language does it make us farther and farther away?
"I know": Leave the rest
When both are at emotional highs, some people, in order to reduce the conflict and want to end the discussion, will simply say "I know." May be good intentions, want to use the fastest way to calm the other side. But the listener may misunderstand that "I know" as a cold treatment: anyway, say no more about you, whatever you, you don't deserve my efforts, this matter is so settled.
"I know" in a certain context, symbolizes negativity, helplessness, let the other side feel that things can no longer be resolved, and you do not care whether you can repair the relationship.
"Why don't you reply to me": What you say next is an excuse
Have you ever asked the other party that way?
"Why not reply to me" this sentence with strong doubt and distrust, think if you say this sentence now, is there a lot of anger? It may imply that what the other person says next is no longer trustworthy, because the trust between you has long been broken by "you didn't reply to me." But this makes the other side feel a strong sense of accusation, and he can not refute.
In this article, Harley Therapy of the United Kingdom talks about the toxicity of "doubt" in relationships, and doubting is a disguise that hides your fears and doubts about yourself. Further, the suspicion is that it is actually due to a lack of communication between the two men.
So before you talk, talk to the other person about your real concerns.
"You're not respecting me": Anything you say is to hurt me
At the low point of the relationship, a sentence that says "you just don't respect me" is like labeling the other person, and anything the other person says is to hurt himself. Under such a premise, the other party will be unable to respond, can not try to repair the relationship, but also more likely to cause the other side anger: Why do I want to be labeled by you?
The end of a marriage, not sudden, more hidden in our daily life, an unintentional action, a heartless response, if not a little more care for each other, may be misunderstood, become the poison in this relationship.
A little more communication and listening space can help each other understand more widely.
When we gather to watch them quarrel, will it be a better time, we also think about their own - what we say, is it to let us more and more far away from each other? And whether or not in the end love each other, or resolution to separate, I hope we can say frankly: anyway, thank you for the care you once, thank you we have loved each other.