When he became a father at the age of 35, he thought that his father had never held himself before. 'If when you were a boy, you were taught to be independent, you felt like you weren't loved, and you didn't know how you could be a father of a child,' he said. "I now hold my baby every day and say I love you every day. 」
Pictures: High Peak Powder
Ask yourself what kind of father you want to be? "Don't let the child take a long time to know that you love him. 」
From how to be a partner to how to be a father. These two things appear edged almost at the same time in the life of the high mountain.
"In the moment I decided to give birth to a child, I built my mind every day: What can I do for him? How do you be a father? And then he found him thinking of his father: "I think about it, what was my father doing?" As a result, I found that he had done nothing. He never carried the child. 」
"It took me a long time to know that my parents should love me. 」
He mentioned that when he was in his twenties, he had a serious car accident. When i saw my parents coming in the hospital, i suddenly subconsciously like a baby, wanted to hug them: "But you know his reaction is very Taiwanese, say, "Ah you oh!" And push me away. 」
"Then i thought, it's really blocked. 」
He laughed at himself, saying they would nuns you. He had suffered a severe concussion and was pushed by his mother to suddenly wake up the big boy: "I always tell myself that they just express edit in different ways." Maybe that's something you don't get much of. I would like to say, alas they are so tired, hold you, hold the fart ah? It's not easy to pull a child out, what do you think about these things?
"But after I've become a dad myself, I'm going to think, "Do I want to do this to my kids?" If in those years, it took him a lot of time to believe in the love of his parents. Even now, will it be an illusion? I might just ask myself. 'It may be understandable to understand the minds of his parents' generation, but now he wants to do better, ' he said.
"I now hold my baby every day and say I love you every day. 」
He told me that in fact, in a home, Dad's role is no different from her mother's. If you are a boy, you have been educated to be independent from an early age, you have felt that you are not cared for, you do not know how you can do a child's father, but he said, you have to think, think, desperately think, you can do.
Whether you have ever had a life of your self, it is an example of failure, or happiness; And you're the first person they're the father, the first person they see when you open your eyes.
As he recalled the day he first went into the delivery room, he saw his wife under the bed after giving birth, a large show of bright red blood, the Buddha was hit by a car. He suddenly understood that this kind of life, he is strong and very fragile;
If he wasn't sure what the so-called home love was, now he understands that after the crash, we hugged, confirmed the heartbeat, said thank you for each other's birth, and lived safely and then healthy.
Marriage or being a mom and dad, no one's going to tell you that you're doing great.
Then, the child grows up day by day. And let the parents find that the child will never grow up as you think.
"That year, my son was diagnosed with a speech disorder, hyperactivity disorder, or flat feet. 'I still have a lot of problems with my children, ' he said.
And in the course of these exercises, parents will first realize what a test it is for the child: "He's going to be bullied at school." He came home and told me, and I said to him, yes, you're going to be bullied. Can you blame them? 」
"In the face of a child with ADHD, there is a faction of parents who would advocate not taking medicine, which is not good for the child's health. But my idea is that they're not like everyone else. I struggled a little bit, but I decided to let him take his medicine. Because you're really different! When others hurt you, you can't change them, but you can make yourself stronger first. Take medicine control, let yourself react faster, don't attack so quickly to the point. 」
Speaking of which, he said, his son always seemed to understand, did not know how much to understand, what to understand. "But I'm sad. 」
"Whether or not my children are overactive today, society is sometimes not very friendly. So can I always pity him? Can you feel pain all the time? 'We can never get in the way of our children in real time,' he said. 'He just had to face it on his own: "My inner pain is not that I'm tired of taking care of the child, but that I have to keep telling him that you have to arm yourself and make yourself stronger." Actually, I'm very sad. 」
When parents run marathons, he says, it's a long way. It's not like an actor, you may have been a play for a few years, and today you suddenly win the prize, everyone will think you are a good actor;
"When the parents are, we have to keep doing it, and no one will reward you, and your other half or your children won't necessarily give you reasonable feedback." You may not be old until you're in your 80s or 90s, and you're given the logic of model parenting. 」
So, how do parents identify themselves? 'First of all, you have to understand that no one wants you to be perfect the first time, ' he said. If you have done something wrong, as long as it is not too much harm, you do not let yourself only indulge in regret. Because it's a long road, you allow yourself to have the possibility of failure
"It's like if an actor has been in a play for 30 years and hasn't won a prize and hasn't been recognized, does that mean he won't do it?" 」
A home, not want you to be a so-called good father or good mother. You just keep revising yourself, and you're growing up with your kids to find more ways to treat each other.
Pictures: High Peak Powder
Face this road, from an unbridled single life, to become a husband, a father, when someone asks if he regrets making these decisions? He would say, there's nothing to look back on. Life in front of him is enough for him to be busy: "If You don't lose me now until I'm 25, I'll tell him, get married and have a lifetime." Because you're going to meet these good people, let it happen. 」
But all in all, he became a father at 35. After eight years of marriage and family, he said he seemed to be full and well at the moment. The only thing is, sometimes you feel that their physical strength has become good and bad, do not know how far you can accompany your child:
"I'm glad they're my children. They're great kids and they're kind. I should feel this way all my life. 」
Should be, for the original has to choose you, choose this home, and feel the happiness of eternal life.
(Interview: Interview with Gao Feng: Whether you are a prodigal son or not, is she a good wife, marriage is inherently difficult)