What kind of interaction do you most mind if you connect with your ex, keep a gift from your predecessor, and take you to the store where he and his ex went? Let's talk about our predecessors through psychology.
The predecessor, for you, may be a past you no longer want to remember, or a good memory with some regret, while the other half of the ex seems to only let us into anxiety, or even argue with the other half. (Same Show: Relationship Psychology to Boyfriend: Every One of Your Exes, Makes Me Mind)
Because of the beauty's talk show, What's the Truth? Thepsychiatrist Deng Huiwen, as well as the writers Xu Changde, Sister Hui,and H, were invited to discuss the "predecessor" from different angles. According to the survey , the type of "my ex-boyfriend" topped the list , at 82.72% , and it was seen that many people were quite concerned or troubled by their predecessors .
On the show, there are five "things that are most annoying about the current predecessor":
- Stay in touch with your predecessor
- Gifts from the predecessor
- Photo with his predecessor
- Friends who share it with his predecessor
- The shop I went to with my ex.
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Take the fifth place as an example: If a boyfriend takes you to a restaurant he's been to with his ex-girlfriend, maybe some people will still mind. Dr. Deng Huiwen said, "In fact, I fully welcome such an act." Aroused a pang of curiosity among the crowd.
"He took me to the shop I went to with my predecessor, and I felt like I was "writing," so that bit became mine. - Deng Huiwen
Overwriting is re-establishing a memory. You use yourself and the other half to relive his memories with his predecessor. "If he had not been with you, would you think he was maintaining a temple?" Deng Huiwen added: "It's as if his ex-girlfriend has been there, so there can't be something new to pollute." 」
What if the other half keeps his predecessor's belongings?
Suppose there is a couple in a relationship, the woman found that the boyfriend is using a wallet, actually sent by an ex-girlfriend. So how should the two communicate?
At first glance, it is an inevitable hot scene, but in fact, this is a good learning opportunity for both sides.
Deng Huiwen believes that the wallet for the woman, may feel that "the other side still want to have some dependence on the ex-girlfriend." However, even if the wallet or other objects given to him by your predecessor disappear, the relationship of trust between the two of you will not improve as a result. After all, he was with his predecessor after all, and he couldn't completely erase the memories in his mind.
"The best way to counter is to pretend that you don't care about that. Hurry up and create your new, accumulated things. - Deng Huiwen
Finally, Deng Huiwen also stressed that it is not that you are not asking to swallow all emotions, but in the face of one thing, perhaps can think, can use a more intelligent solution, so that your relationship with the other half is better. (Extended Reading: How hard to love when you grow up?) Deng Huiwen: Please don't expect to be who cares)
"You have to look at your other half's personality, what this thing means to him, you have to really understand." In fact, it really important, rather than forcing him to throw away, clear the space to come, or say that you want to understand his personality more skillfully, let him feel this kind of intelligence and tolerance, in fact, more possession of his heart. - Deng Huiwen
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Giving up communication is like giving up a relationship.
It's hard to know, when jealous of his predecessor's emotions, is there any way to relieve yourself and relieve yourself?
Dr. Deborah L. Davis, a developmental psychologist, offers some advice for you to care about your other half's predecessor.
- Practice mindfulness: Avoid criticizing your own ideas.
- Calm mind and body: practice deep breathing, a good night's sleep, every day to let yourself move, divert attention.
- Develop self-confidence: Be aware of your worth and know your partner's love for you to reduce the anxiety caused by low self-esteem.
The predecessor has always been a complex and difficult subject, but it has a deep relationship with us. It's normal to mind your other half's ex, and don't worry too much. Most importantly, as each other, you need to find the right language and way of getting along.
"To give up communication is to give up the relationship, because the relationship of lack of communication is only superficial harmony, but communication is not a complaint, nor quarrel, but an effort to understand each other." "When I Became Us," Chen Xue