"Rape is not love, heartbreak is not the cause of murder": 10 minutes film on violent myths and why words are important

In early September, a man armed with a knife and a female high school student was hacked to death in the street in the Gushan district of Kaohsiung City. After the incident, it led to a lot of discussion about the word "love murder": the pursuit of non-achievement cut people, really should be called "terrorist lover"? Is it really "killed for love" is it?

Not only Taiwan, but the whole world, in fact, have a very similar approach to this kind of intimacy. An Australian journalist, in her new book, points out that for too long, these beautified, romanticized "pursuit stories" have long developed our sense of imperces and indulgence of violence. (Extended reading:"Gender Watch" identifies the other person as a terrorist lover, not the only way to prevent murder)

"Rape is never the same as sex, heartbreak, and never the cause of murder," she said. 」

"Terror Lover" and "Love Killing": Is there really a way to kill in the world?

In the Kaohsiung incident, it can be found that some reports refer to it as "the terrorist lover", "the terrorist lover super terror", "the girlfriend was hacked to death".

However, in this incident, the two people did not have any contact fact, but a unilateral pursuit, the other side is not desirable, not the so-called lover relationship. If today is the harassment you encounter called pursuit, do you think the other person is your "lover"? If not, why do we choose to simplify the intimacy of others?

This "normal" situation, which would be unilateral harassment, is characterized by interaction and pursuit, which can lead to a danger of blaming the victim -- "he's all about liking you," Blame him for being too like you", but in fact, being liked is never the party's choice, let alone representthem, willing to be hurt.

Terror is not lover, terror, is the act of hurt.

And again, let's talk about "love killing". Is there really a "kill for love" in the world? When we specifically mark that there is a kind of killing in the world is "killed for love", does it imply that we think that being killed by love is more romantic, and worthy of forgiveness?

Or in fact, murder is just murder, murder, often just one-sided. It is relative to people who are sentimental, but for the parties, it may be trouble, fear and do not know how to refuse.

And, if you think further down, many times, people are too afraid of rejection, and let the so-called love, into hate and self-esteem hurt pain, it is not the so-called "love killing", but a kind of murder.

Australian Journalist: What are the possible outcomes of these miswords?

In her new book, Fixed it: Violence and the the ness, published in September, Australian journalist Jane Gilmoresays it's not just hatred, rape, it's the whole The pursuit of cultural development of vocabulary, the emergence of news reports, may make us tend to stand on the opposite side of the wrong position, and thus make us easy to blame survivors.

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In an introduction published in the Guardian, she mentions:

"In my book, I list hundreds of headlines. Including: drunken teenagers raped, sex workers lying on the ground (killed), heartbreak-induced murders (middle) all of which have left countless murderers hidden, and endless blame for victims blaming). 」

We are used to pursuing the details of too many survivors and at the same time rendering too many murderers, which makes it easy for us to make false and causal inferences that the "actions" of the survivors lead to their murder: to get drunk, to dress too exposed, to refuse without euphemism.

In 2017, Gilmore explained the similar concepts and the possible consequences in a short 13-minute TED TALK. At the beginning of the film, she calmly read out two lists:

"There are some things that don't lead to murder: high heels, moms, selfies, romance, sex. 」

"Then, here are some things that could lead to murder: you make the decision to kill someone. 」

"None of the objects mentioned above are likely to actually lead to murder, they are just objects. "For a different object, for a different person, for someone with a completely different personality, what we see will still be that someone is hurt by "wearing too much", "don't know what to refuse" and "not going to bed", and the responsibility is put back on the survivors. (Extended reading: 20 common myths of male sexual assault victims: "You have a reaction that you really want"

Gilmore points out that media reports, the use of words by public opinion, obscurity or spectacle, blur the meaning.

For example, (if there are allegations of sexual assault), we can (and should) say that this is "suspected rape" and not just "they went to bed." This does not conflict with the concept of the presumption of innocence. No press conference to write about a suspected car theft case is "the owner drove his car home" just because the court has not convicted him, right? (For example, you can (and can) call it an "lying rape" instead of sex.) The thelo of innocence dos not prevent someone sylin an crime crime. No foyr will ever e i'r ann an accused car wasel driving er own car home because it't yet bed'n court that he stole it.)

Clearly, we were raped, so why did we just downplay the words "they went to bed". Clearly a murder, why do we call him a "terrorist lover"? As if we were using these words, we could think that these things were just emotional, or "it's not going to happen to me anyway."

People don't get convicted of sex, people are convicted of rape. When people, including journalists, equate sex with rape and child sexual abuse, they are actually downplaying the crime.

Any sex that happens when people are unconscious and have no right to informed consent is rape, it's not sex. Anyone who is attacked without their consent is hurt, it is not love, it is not the pursuit, it is not romantic. If we cannot recognize these situations, it will only happen again and be considered unimportant or even forgotten.

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"Heartbreak is not the real reason people choose to hurt others"

"Rape is not love, heartbreak is not the real cause of murder. Gilmore's words are interesting, so what makes people want to ignore the will of others and hurt each other.

Whenever the incident occurs, we always carefully warn each other about the code of love and friendship, before the exchange, how to observe each other's interests, how to examine the other person's anger degree, explore life goals and income, as if to check these lessons, the investigation is done, "will not suffer." But some of life's lessons are not just about passive prevention. The more often reason people choose to hurt others is that we may not know that there are other ways in the world to ask for help. (Extended reading: Interview with The City Men's Old Heart Station Director Huang Huiren: At least Don't Make Men Feel Isolated)

The pursuit of culture has left many heterosexual men overwhelmed, and there is no emotional support among friends and family to help them walk through. The love code, so that many heterosexual women have to follow a certain set of ways to suppress their own love, or they will be humiliated by the slut. There are also gay friends who have shared experiences of intimate violence, but because their families do not understand their sexual orientation, so that they have no access to help, only to return to the cycle of violence to continue to endure. (Extended reading: Interview with Comrade Hotline Peng Zhixuan: There is a kind of intimate violence is "You do not come out for me, you do not love me"

There are a few things we can do:

• Try to understand: First, before reducing the social case to murder, terror lover, you can also try to see that different stories have different appearance, they are in what words, who sit, how to be described? There are many causes of injury, often not only "because of love for him, so hurt him".
• Choose to listen: Second, if you know a friend has a similar experience, but don't know how to help him. Remember to listen to his story and detect the uneasiness and fear behind the anger. Tell him that everyone has a time when they think they will not be loved, but at this moment, you are here.
• Remember someone to accompany you: Finally, if you are experiencing pain, have thought of self-injury, hurt people, we would like to invite you to read this article. Sometimes, "You walk in the polar winter, dressed enough, cold and uncomfortable." But spring then came, a little more walk is good. 」